


More Than a Feeling

by TaylorCee591



Series: Perfect Lover [4]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: ABO, Alpha Castiel (Supernatural), Alpha Castiel/Omega Dean Winchester, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha/Omega, Beta Sam, Beta Sam Winchester, M/M, Omega Dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-07
Updated: 2017-09-21
Packaged: 2018-11-29 04:32:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 53,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11433234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TaylorCee591/pseuds/TaylorCee591
Summary: Dean's next heat comes around and there's no question about who he'll turn to for help but some unwanted attention may be about to ruin what he and Cas have finally managed to set up. But will that have any impact on the way they feel? Or could it help them realise that there's a difference between lust and... whatever this is?





	1. Chapter 1

Cas was standing in his kitchen area with a glass of wine in one hand and an amuse bouche in the other, listening to his boss’ sister tell a story he wasn’t quite listening to.

“Well, as you can imagine, I didn’t take too kindly to being kept out of the construction plans,” she said and tilted her head towards Cas, lifting her eyebrows as if indicating that he were allowed to respond.

Cas could bring himself to do nothing more than nod and smile politely, he was aware that his boss was giving him an almost apologetic smile. This gave him hope that it wasn’t just him that felt this way, he couldn’t deny he didn’t like her but he didn’t know why. It _was_ getting late and Cas hoped perhaps he was just tired. He liked his boss; he was down to earth and laid back, if occasionally stressed out and absent-minded, but good at his job.

However, his sister was an overpowering presence, ever since she’d walked in Cas found her to be almost assaulting to his senses and that wasn’t helped by her self-entitled attitude. She had sauntered into Cas’ house half an hour late without an apology and barely glanced at Cas, as if he were invisible. No, Cas decided it had been worse than that, she hadn’t looked through him she had purposely looked away from him like he was there to be ignored, like a child or butler. She had turned up in a formal dark blue dress and shawl that would have been more at home in a staged performance rather than dinner in the two-story Victorian house of her brother’s employee. She even had the audacity to stuff her shawl into Cas hands as she swept passed him, not pausing to be invited inside.

Cas tried to hide his dislike but he was sure his boss knew and he hoped it wouldn’t impact on his new promotion; earning it had turned out to be easier than he had anticipated but the problem now was keeping it. His competitors were no longer snapping at his heels but wouldn’t hesitate to pick his corpse dry should he mess it up.

“Were you involved in the construction of this house?” she asked, putting her wine glass to her lips and taking a drink.

Before Cas answered he thought it ironic that she had turned her nose up when he’d served the wine and now she had drank more than he and his boss combined. She’d probably faint if she knew it was two hundred dollars a bottle, a lot for Cas and mere change for her. Or so was the impression she gave. Her hair looked like it had been professionally done and Cas wondered if it ever moved. He got so lost in his thought and trying to quash the temptation he had to prod it to see if it were in fact solid that she raised her eyebrows in prompt to her unanswered question.

“No,” Cas said eventually, as if he hadn’t waited at least four seconds to answer. “No, I was looking to purchase a house some years ago and this one was already built, luckily for me.” He smiled and noticed his boss look to the side, trying to purse the smile from his lips.

His sister chuckled, Cas was sure she thought it polite but it was merely patronizing. “Of course,” she said.

“How do you like your new office?” Cas’ boss suddenly asked.

“Oh, it’s very nice, thank you, Mr Shurley,” Cas said.

“We’re off the clock, call me Chuck,” he said and smiled as his sister rolled her eyes.

“Have you advertised for an assistant yet?” she asked.

“I had an assistant in my last position and she came with me,” Cas said.

“Wouldn’t you prefer to have someone used to dealing with the demands of your position?” she asked.

“Amara-” Shurley said.

“It’s a perfectly normal question,” she said, glaring at her brother and looking back to Cas.

“Well, Becky is very adaptable and I feel that we work well together, it’s beneficial to _my position_ that I have an assistant that can well predict _my_ movements in particular to be ready for anything I may throw at her,” he said and smiled at her.

His boss seemed to be impressed, however much he tried to hide it.

Amara paused and then decided to answer, “How true. It is so hard to find staff that can acclimatize so quickly and efficiently.”

“Exactly,” Cas said and they all turned when the doorbell rang. Cas turned back to them.

“Expecting company?” Amara asked, evidently put out by the mere suggestion.

“No,” Cas said and put his wine glass down on the counter beside them. “Excuse me, please help yourselves, I won’t be a moment.”

“Course,” Chuck said and Amara raised an eyebrow, not looking impressed.

Cas pulled the living room door over behind him and looked to the kitchen door to make sure it was also closed before he opened his front door and saw Dean holding the new screen door open with his left hand and seemingly using his right on the doorframe to hold himself up as his mouth hung open and his breath emerged as smoke, quick and erratic.

“Dean?” Cas asked.

“I’m sorry,” Dean said and exhaled. “ _It’s_ early.”

It took a second before Cas realized what he meant and when it showed on his face Dean nodded to confirm it.

Cas looked behind him quickly and then stepped forward to put his left arm behind Dean’s back and used his right to hold Dean’s arm over his shoulder. “Let’s get you upstairs,” he said in a hushed voice.

As they stumbled inside Cas leaned Dean against the wall to close the door and Dean’s breathing stopped when he heard a man laughing in the living room and Cas looked to Dean as he rushed to help him again.

“You got company?” Dean asked and gestured his head to the door.

“My boss and his sister,” Cas said in a whisper.

In the living room Cas’ boss was looking at a picture on the wall of Cas and two older woman and his sister, who was standing at his side although had no interest in the photos, suddenly smelled something that made her eyes sharp and she turned her head to look at the door. It smelled like woodland and blood to her and it hit her like silk.

She liked it, she liked it very much.

“I’ll go,” Dean said and tried to turn around.

“You won’t get far, come on,” Cas said and helped Dean up the stairs onto the landing.

To Dean’s surprise he took Dean to his bedroom and helped him sit on the bed.

He stood up straight and looked at Dean. “I, uh- I have to go back down there but I’ll try to get rid of them.” He looked at his watch. “They shouldn’t be here much longer anyway.”

“Okay,” Dean said and nodded. “Can I lie down here?” he asked.

“Yes, yes of course,” Cas said and leaned down quickly to pull Dean’s shoes off, one by one. “Do whatever helps.”

Dean nodded and began pulling his jacket off. “Go, go back down, I’ll be fine,” he said.

“Are you sure?” Cas asked.

“Yeah, I feel better just being here,” Dean said and managed to get his right arm out of his jacket.

“Okay,” Cas said and hesitated before he leaned forward and kissed Dean’s head and then he left the room, closing the door over and practically running down the stairs then stopping at the bottom. He took a breath before he opened the door and smiled as he closed it again. “Sorry about that,” he said.

“Anything wrong?” his boss asked as he walked towards them.

Amara walked slowly towards the door.

“No,” Cas said. “A friend arrived unexpectedly.”

“Amara?” Chuck said and Cas turned to see her at the door as she turned her head to them. “Where are you going?”

She and Cas locked eyes and Cas found her expression strange, it was faraway and yet somehow focused.

“Nowhere,” she said.

“Well, shall we have another drink?” Shurley asked.

“Yes,” Amara said and walked towards the counter.

Cas watched her and then, when his boss looked at him questioningly, he smiled and nodded. “Yes, of course,” he said.

They drank for at least another half an hour while Dean lay in Cas’ bed, holding a pillow against his chest, shifting between shivering and convulsing, he still had his underwear on and was sure he was in and out of consciousness.

“Let me just grab another bottle,” Cas said and slid open the patio door to the left of the kitchen to go out into the garage to his second fridge to get another bottle, as he walked to it his smile fell and he wondered just how he could get rid of them without being rude or jeopardizing his job. All he could think about was Dean upstairs in his bed, he’d missed him and as he put his hand on a cold bottle he closed his eyes and bit his lip. He couldn’t deny he’d been so panicked when Dean had appeared that he wasn’t able to register any smell from him but memory provided them for him as he stood in the garage and while they certainly turned him on he just felt relief at having him close again.

He took out his cell phone and emailed his assistant: he was going to need emergency leave again.

“I’m just going to the bathroom,” Amara said to her brother who merely nodded as he admired Cas’ bookshelf and she slipped away. She lifted her dress to take the narrow staircase which she did carefully and gracefully.

She stopped at the top of the landing and looked around, all of the doors were closed except leading to the bathroom so she went inside to have a look around.

Dean woke up in a sudden panic that he’d made a mess of the bed so he managed to pull himself out of it and stumbled to the door which he pulled open a little, checking the coast was clear before he gripped the wall and tried to pull himself towards what he knew was the linen closet, if he remembered correctly.

Amara turned her head in the bathroom while she was looking at the small collection of shower cream and hair products, there seemed to only be enough here for one person and none of the products were heat specific but there was definitely something in heat nearby. This _friend_ Castiel spoke of, she figured.

Dean stopped as he opened the closet and found a towel and sniffed. He could smell something like velvet, something dark like the night sky with a terrifying storm brewing. He shook it from his mind, it wasn’t a nice smell, it wasn’t intriguing either but he knew it had the potential to be alluring, if it wasn’t for the fact that all he could smell was honey and a stream and fresh air.

He smiled when he thought about when Cas would come up and join him. He knew he’d missed the man, there hadn’t been a single day that had passed since Cas had walked out of his apartment that he hadn’t thought about him and when his heat came early he had to say he was pleased. He’d helped his brother wrap up a case before he’d asked Rufus to drop him off here. Rufus was a beta with too many years hunting under his belt to care where he was dropping Dean off or in what state, and he certainly wasn’t going to tell anyone about it. He wouldn’t talk about anything he didn’t have to when he could be discussing a case – either hunting or beer.

Dean stumbled back to the bedroom as Amara pulled the bathroom door open enough to see him disappear inside. Her smile widened and it wasn’t kind. She almost tiptoed across the landing before she stopped outside of the room. She inhaled hard, her eyes closing, the smell of a thick layer of smooth smoke, destruction and fear. She smiled as she opened her eyes, it was unlike anything she had ever smelled before. It was buried in a disgusting aroma of sugar and sunshine but it still got under her skin and raised it, like a burn. She opened the door and walked in, closing it over.

Dean had put the towel on the bed and was just lying down. “Cas?” he said and turned to look at the door with a smile on his face that quickly dispersed. “Who are you?” he asked and scrambled to sitting up.

Right away he could smell something in the air, it cut through the cocoon of Cas he’d been lying in with vinegar and torrential rain. He might not have been very practiced at this but judging by the way the hairs on his arms stood up and the sudden drop of his heart into his stomach he could tell he was in danger and that meant only one thing – an alpha.

“I’m Amara,” she said and took a step towards the bed. “And I’m here to help.”

Dean scrambled to his feet on the other side of the bed. “Whoa, no, wait, you hear me? I’m saying no,” he stuttered. “You heard it, I said no.”

“You don’t have to fear me,” she said and began to walk around the bed towards him, when he then moved towards the bed she circled back to the mattress and Dean went the other way. Both of them stopped in the middle of the room and stared at each other.

“Are you Cas’ boss?” Dean asked.

“No,” she said. “That’s my brother but you don’t have to worry about that,” she said. “They won’t disturb us. Castiel said you needed help.”

“He said that to you?” Dean asked, confused as to why Cas would tell her that unless he’d sent her up here.

“Yes,” she said. “And I can help.” She stepped towards him and his eyes darted all over her but he didn’t move. He suddenly felt sick; why would Cas send her to help him unless he didn’t want to help Dean himself?

Cas walked in from the garage and put the wine on the counter as his boss turned and looked to him, pointing to the picture on the wall. “Is this you?”

“Yes,” Cas said and walked to him. “That is me at age twelve with my parents,” he said and they smiled before Cas looked around. “Where is your sister?”

“The bathroom,” he said. “Actually, she has been gone a while.” Cas looked to the doorway and then to the ceiling.

“Stop,” Dean said and backed up against the desk against the wall as she stood in front of him.

“You smell exquisite,” tilting her head to smell his neck.

Dean pushed his hands on the surface of the desk and tried to get on his tiptoes to get further away from her, his eyes screwed up and shaking his head. “No, no, stop, you need to stop, I said stop.”

“I’ve smelled a lot of omegas in my time,” she said softly, “but you are so fine, so rare-” Dean flinched when he felt her hand run up his neck. “And free.”

“No,” Dean said, shaking his head. “Not free.”

“Not for long with a scent like this,” she said and inhaled at his jawline as she continued to stroke at his neck, essentially scenting him. “I never considered myself bonding material but for a scent like this I may make an exception,” she said. She spoke slowly and hushed, like she had all of the time in the world and that every sound would stop for her.

“I s- said stop,” Dean said and, he didn’t know where it came from but he lifted his left hand and pushed her away.

She looked somewhere between shocked and impressed as she took one heavy step backwards.

Cas and his boss looked up at the noise.

“Your sister,” Cas said and his boss looked to him, “is she an alpha?”

Chuck took a mere second to begin to answer, “Yes-”

He had barely finished his word before Cas was out of the living room door and bounding up the stairs, his boss stopped to put his glass down and followed him. Cas burst through the door and stopped, his boss a step behind him, just as Amara stepped back towards Dean.

Cas hesitated, watching her tilt her head and open her mouth, a second away from kissing or biting, Cas didn’t know which. Dean hadn’t stopped her but he also didn’t look like his was enjoying it either. Cas couldn’t watch it so after that beat he strode forward, stepped in between them and straightened up, Amara stood her ground but Dean moved to his left to allow Cas in. Cas looked hard at Amara who did the same.

“You must have gotten lost on the way back from the bathroom,” Cas said.

“I told her no,” Dean said in a rush, Cas felt hands on his sides from behind.

“Yes, but I’ve found that sometimes what an omega says and what it wants are very different-”

“Amara, for God’s sake,” her brother muttered in annoyance.

“Believe me when they say no, they mean no,” Cas said, his voice lowering in tone without him meaning it to.

“Is that right?” she asked, arching an eyebrow. “You said your friend needed help, I was offering to help.” She looked from Cas to Dean, hungrily.

“Well, either you misunderstood or I misspoke,” Cas said.

“Did he?” she asked and looked to Dean.

“Amara, he said no,” her brother said and sighed when she turned to glare at him.

“He’s not bonded, he’s anyone’s game,” she said and pushed Cas back who stumbled against Dean at his back but he held Cas up and as a result he barely let it show. “Don’t get in my face, child.”

Cas took a step forward again, away from Dean whose hands left his body but he moved behind Cas, and did just that. “I’ll do what I have to protect m-” He stopped and swallowed.

“Your omega?” she asked, mockingly. “Why is it you can’t say it, then? Could it be that he’s not yours at all?” She moved more into his space as she mocked him, rounding him.

Cas put his head down, feeling himself getting smaller by the minute. She was right, Dean wasn’t his and he didn’t need Cas’ protection. He said he’d told her no but then why didn’t he get away from her, he was half a foot taller than her and had at least sixty pounds on her. He could have taken her but then why didn’t he, why was he against a desk letting her scent him and in Cas’ bedroom? As his doubts seeped in he intentionally let Amara switch places with him and berate him.

“You wouldn’t be able to handle him. That smell? That’s an untouched heat, you haven’t even touched him. What’s the matter?” She smirked and he flinched when she laughed. “Can’t rise to the task?” She turned to Dean who was watching the exchange with shock and hurt.

Amara’s brother had seen this so many times, how his sister could come in and destroy something that had taken so much time to build, something wonderful and precious. She’d come in and, within a few words or even the flick of her wrist, she’d take the spoils for herself. The spoils usually being an omega in a beautiful relationship that she decided was hers now and it never failed. He was yet to see an alpha successfully warn her off. He lowered his head in dismay wondering when he’d have the courage one day to stop her.

She lifted her left hand and put it through Dean’s hair. “Don’t worry, I can help you,” she said. “We can be together and you’ll never have to worry again.” She smiled as she leaned in.

Cas kept his head lowered and felt like he’d been flying high and suddenly came plummeting to the ground again. He buried his head in his hands and turned to the mirrored wardrobe and leaned against it, he saw his own reflection and looked into his eyes. He’d come full circle, from monster to dead fish, or he felt like that was as much use as he had as an alpha.

Looking in the mirror he expected to see Samandriel’s fear again but even as the picture began to fade into view he heard Dean’s voice, Dean telling him he wasn’t a monster and had never been. And if he’d never been a monster maybe he had some use. He thought about Dean.

His boss watched him, he could see the defeat slowly melt from his face in the few seconds it took for Dean to try and shirk from her with a tear of abandonment in his eye and her to lean in his employee changed from a cast out alpha to something else, something that he was sure was about to rock his sister’s world. And his eyes widened to take in every second.

Cas decided that after everything no one was going to take Dean away from him, he had already gone through a lot to be with Dean how they were – a lot of arguments that he was sure weren’t the last, getting them both over some issues and a lot of feelings about their arrangement, not to mention the years of being apart after that first night that triggered it all in the first place – he wasn’t about to back down now, like some injured puppy.

Cas whipped his head to them and then turned, as he walked towards them again he began to growl, low in his throat, it made Amara open her eyes and look at him while he stepped in between them again. Dean watched him and looked to the man at the door who looked equally surprised.

“Listen to me,” Cas said, his voice much baser than it had been, “he told you no, I’m telling you he’s taken,” Cas took a step forward and Amara took a step back when he seemed to grow before her eyes, “but perhaps you didn’t hear it properly. You have made your advances, and he turned you down.” Cas took another step forward and she took one back too. She opened her mouth to talk but no words came. “He might not be bonded but he’s not available for you and even if he were,” he took a step forward again, “no means no.” He couldn’t help another growl in his throat. “Got it?”

She opened her mouth.

Cas put out his right hand and pushed his index finger against her lips. “Don’t talk,” Cas said. “Just nod.”

She paused before she did just that.

“Sir,” Cas said, not looking away from her but dropping his hand as he addressed his boss, “perhaps it would be best for everyone if we called it a night, I have a house guest I must attend to.”

“Yeah,” he said and stepped forward to take his sister’s arm, pulling her back. “Thank you for the dinner, Castiel, I’ll see you at work on M- Well, whenever you get back,” he said as he backed up towards the door. His sister looked in a mild state of shock slowly being laced with embarrassment as she let him pull her out of the room door, almost tripping in her heels.

Cas didn’t look away from her as she walked to the end of the landing and her and her brother began to walk down the stairs, him muttering something to her. Cas turned when they disappeared from sight and looked to Dean as the sound of her heels could be heard on the stairs and then the wooden floorboards downstairs.

“Are you alright?” Cas asked Dean, looking over his face and chest while the sound of the front door opening was masked by a car going passed outside.

Dean didn’t answer, he merely nodded.

“I apologize,” Cas said as the front door could be heard closing, “I shouldn’t have let her push me away like that. If you wish to leave I will drive you-”

“C- Could you lock the front door?” Dean asked, shakily.

Cas paused. “Yes, of course,” he said and left the room.

Dean exhaled, his eyes closing when he heard Cas descend and lock the door. He went into the living room for a moment and then slowly began to walk back up the stairs. When he walked along the landing he got to the bedroom and closed the door over to find Dean in his bed, pulling the sheet around him and facing away from the door he turned onto his side.

Cas understood right away and walked to the window where he pulled the drapes closed and walked to the other side of the bed, the one furthest away from the door, he began to strip his clothes while his eyes adjusted to the dark. He got into the bed and Dean lifted up without prompt to allow Cas arms to encircle him, he tilted his head up and closed his eyes when Dean tipped his head forward to slip it into the space there. It was a few seconds before Dean’s left hand touched Cas’ side and then a few more before he slipped it around to Cas’ back. Cas used his right hand to pull the sheets up around them and then squeezed Dean tight to him. He kissed Dean’s forehead and then resettled with his head tilted, both of them assuming their roles in this protective position. Dean was scared and Cas knew that initiating this, or even consciously allowing it, was as close as he was ever going to get to admitting it outright.

“You’re okay,” Cas said. “I’m sorry.”

“Not your fault,” Dean said and Cas felt him rub his hand over his back.

“It was,” Cas said and squeezed Dean tighter. “I shouldn’t have let her come up the stairs, and I should have stood my ground.”

“You did,” Dean said and lifted his head, Cas lowering his to look at Dean. “Took you a second but you did.”

Cas couldn’t help but laugh before he watched Dean smile, when Dean tucked his head again Cas lifted his and they fell asleep like that.

>><< 

Dean woke in the middle of the night with a start, he leaned up on his right hand to look around himself and quickly ascertained that he wasn’t back in that toilet cubicle with someone banging at the door, telling him he smelled exquisite while he choked on the smell of lightening and death.

He looked down at Cas who was still holding onto him but had lowered his head and Dean felt a warm patch on the right side of his face growing cold, he realized that he must have been resting his cheek there. He put his hand to his face where he felt a hint of dampness and then put his fingers in front of his face to smell them. They smelled of nothing and Dean figured it must have been him that was sweating. He put his left hand through Cas’ hair and lay down beside him again.

Cas’ face was slightly tight, as if he knew Dean was awake but just couldn’t bring himself into consciousness yet.

“Cas?” Dean whispered and Cas hummed. “Cas,” he said again, a little louder.

Cas slowly opened his eyes, which stuck together with sleep. “Dean,” he said and turned his head to rub into the pillow.

“Hey,” Dean said and smiled when Cas tightened his arms around him.

“Are you okay?” Cas asked.

Dean thought about it and suddenly asked himself why he’d woken Cas up. He realized then that he wasn’t okay. For the second time in Cas’ house – albeit in different bedrooms – fear had faded and given way to something else in Dean’s head.

“No,” Dean said. “No, I need you to help me.”

Cas nodded. “I can do that,” he said and lifted his right arm to lift the sheet so that he could roll over on top of Dean.

“Let me get these off,” Dean said before Cas could move and they both looked down while Dean pushed the underwear down his legs. It was then that he felt how damp they were, and the towel underneath him. If Cas noticed it he didn’t say. “There,” he said as he kicked them to the bottom of the bed under the covers.

Cas then rolled over on top of him and settled on his elbows and looked at Dean. “Have you been awake long?” he asked.

“No,” Dean said and exhaled, feeling Cas’ body heat make him sweat more, even though his touch helped, though not as much as it usually would. Or perhaps that was just Dean’s imagination.

Cas looked down as he lifted his hips and Dean opened his legs wider, letting Cas position himself and he looked up to Dean as he pushed in to see Dean close his eyes and groan before he exhaled from the heat.

Cas huffed as he lifted his right hand to Dean’s forehead. “You waited,” he said and Dean opened his eyes to see Cas looking disappointed.

“No, I didn’t,” Dean said.

“You’re too hot for a few hours’ sleep,” Cas said to him. “You said you wouldn’t wait.”

“And I didn’t!” Dean said. “I was on a case so I wrapped it up and came straight here, I didn’t even go home, Cas,” he said and Cas looked into his eyes. “I swear.”

Cas couldn’t fault him for finishing a case, he was actually happy that Dean felt safe enough to do that and Cas assumed it would have something to do with having Sam at his side.

“Okay,” Cas said and nodded before he kissed him. “I’m sorry,” he said and kissed him again. “I’m sorry.”

“Yeah,” Dean said, still annoyed.

“I’m sorry, baby,” Cas said and kissed him once more, longer that time.

Dean exhaled through his nose and all of the anger went with it so that when they pulled apart they both smiled. “You better be,” Dean said.

“I am,” Cas said softly.

“Yeah?” Dean said and Cas nodded. “Show me.” He smirked.

Cas looked confused at first. “Wouldn’t it be more practical for me to finish-?” Dean raised an eyebrow and Cas stopped before he smiled. “Oh, show you?”

“Yeah,” Dean said, smirk firmly back on his face as he looked to Cas’ lips. “Show me what you got, hon.”

“You know what I’ve got,” Cas said and looked to his lips too while his right hand ran through Dean’s hair.

“No, I don’t,” Dean said. “It’s been months, how do I know?”

“Well, I haven’t exactly been practicing,” Cas said.

“Good,” Dean replied and let his left hand travel to Cas’ hip and then over his back before squeezing his buttock. “You gonna lie there all night?”

“Are you?” Cas shot back.

“Hey, I’ll show you what I got later,” Dean said. “It’s your turn first.”

Cas bit his lip before he nodded. “But you better show me later,” he said.

“I’m not gonna show you anything if you keep me waiting much longer,” Dean said with a chuckle.

“Hey,” Cas said and moved his right hand to cup Dean’s jaw, tilting it upwards a touch, letting his thumb run along Dean’s bottom lip. “You’ll get what I give you,” Dean couldn’t help but poke his tongue out and felt it touch Cas’ finger for a brief second, “ _when_ I give you it.” He brought his lips close. “Okay?”

Dean didn’t wait before he nodded fervently. “Yeah, okay,” he said.

Cas smiled and let his nose touch Dean’s. “Good,” he said and then used his hand on Dean’s jaw to turn it to Dean’s left, dipping his head to kiss Dean’s neck. He couldn’t smell the other alpha now, all he could smell was Dean, and that made him happy. But the memory of her and what she’d done suddenly came back into his head and he didn’t like that memory, to know that she had not only touched him, smelled him, even threatened to bond him but she’d done it in his bedroom. She’d almost scented him in here before Cas had and it made him mad, he wasn’t even aware when he started moving his hips into Dean or that he was gripping his jaw a little too tight as he kissed the skin there, nipping it between his teeth in the process.

If Cas had seen her rubbing Dean’s neck he would have been angrier. As it was he heard Dean moaning as his hips snapped harder and faster, he heard himself grunting and growling and then he didn’t want to kiss Dean there, he didn’t want to touch him where she had, not because of Dean but because of her. She’d riled him up so much he was afraid to kiss Dean, to touch him properly in case he hurt him. He let his hands fall to the bed and lifted himself up, away from lying on Dean while he writhed underneath Cas and grabbed for his neck and hips. Cas pulled his head up, out of Dean’s grasp and when Dean looked Cas was looking to the side of the pillow, his jaw set and his expression miles away.

“Stop,” Dean said and Cas’ hips halted immediately while his gaze returned to Dean’s face. “What’s wrong?” he asked and lifted his hand to Cas’ face.

Cas moved his head out of the way. “Nothing,” he said and slowly looked back to Dean.

“Yeah, that’s not gonna wash, Cas,” Dean said. “I’ve seen you angry and I’ve been on the receiving end of angry sex with you before, what’s going on? And don’t bullshit me, I’m not stupid, even if I wasn’t in heat right now you would still stink of rage so cough it up.”

Cas sighed and let his head hang. “It’s stupid,” he said.

“Not gonna happen,” Dean said and when Cas lifted his head enough to look in Dean’s eyes he saw nothing but determination. “Talk.”

Cas looked to the side and settled on his hands, a little closer to Dean for comfort. “I’m still enraged at her,” he said. “And I know I shouldn’t be because I don’t own you but she assaulted you – she might not have done anything but she still touched you when you didn’t want her too, at least I assume you didn’t, the look on your face wasn’t happy but you didn’t push her away either – and she did it in _my bedroom_ , where you should be safe, where you should be able to nest this week, where it should just be us.” Cas lowered his head to touch Dean’s and then sighed as he lifted it. “So, there, stupid but true.”

“Cas, you don’t own me-”

“I know,” Cas said and nodded, screwing up his face.

“Shut up, man,” Dean said gently and Cas opened his eyes to look. “I said, you don’t own me but I expect you to protect me, dammit.” Cas looked over his face. “I came to you to get me through my heat, if another alpha gets in my face and won’t leave me alone then damn right you better get in there and do something about it. It’s your right as the current cycle alpha but it’s your responsibility, Cas.”

“It is?” Cas asked.

“Yeah!” Dean said. “We’ve established I don’t like leaning on people or relying on them but if I’m in heat and you’re helping me and another damn alpha won’t respect that then you defend it, Cas, you defend me. You’re an alpha and you know what, sometimes, it’s okay to act like it.”

Cas opened his mouth in shock. “I- I didn’t think you’d want me to,” he said.

“Neither did I,” Dean admitted and waited a beat before he nodded, just once. “But I do. An alpha approaches not only your current cycle omega but in your house- In your _bedroom_ , Cas. And you’re gonna allow that?” he asked.

“No,” Cas said, feeling annoyed.

“No?” Dean asked, disbelieving.

That pissed Cas off even more. “No!” he said and Dean nodded. “No, I’m damn well not.”

“Good!” Dean said. “And I did push her off, Cas, I did. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, you give me a gun and a case and I will kick down every door and take on anyone to get my bail. But when an alpha comes at me like that, the sheer energy it took to push her away-” He shrugged his shoulders as he stuttered. “It only came from disgust, I couldn’t push that chick at the hospital away properly, Charlie had to help me and you saw how I froze up with that dude Sam sent.” Cas’ jaw tightened. “I come to you for my heat, Cas, not just anyone. Keep them away from me.” He lifted his right hand to run through Cas’ hair.

Cas dipped his head to touch his nose and forehead to Dean’s. “Okay, Dean,” he said and slowly started moving his hips again. “I will.”

Cas took Dean’s hand and entwined their fingers before he pushed it into the bed and picked up his speed and force, he felt Dean lift his bended leg along Cas’ hip and push his heel into the flesh of Cas’ buttock. Cas leaned down for a kiss and when Dean opened his mouth Cas pulled back and watched Dean look at him, expression unchanging before he leaned down again. Cas waited until he was almost touching before he pulled back again, leaving Dean hanging. Dean watched Cas smile and then smiled himself.

He tried to lift his left hand but Cas pressed it into the bed and Dean could only move his right hand to Cas’ back as he lifted his head and tried to kiss Cas who kept pulling away and then teasing him again. Dean sighed and let his head fall back to the pillow while they moved together and Cas couldn’t help but chuckle.

“You’re a dick, you know that?” Dean said.

Cas leaned back down and nodded before he kissed him on the lips, not going to pull away this time. He felt Dean squeeze his hand tighter while he rolled his hips.

Cas moaned into Dean’s mouth and surprised himself by coming right then, much earlier than he had expected and broke away from Dean’s kiss to hang his head and exhale. “I apologize,” Cas said and looked up. “That was quicker than I meant it to be.”

“It’s okay,” Dean said and smiled. “When was the last time you cleaned the pipes?”

Cas paused. “Do you mean masturbate?”

“Yeah, Cas, you know, a little DIY?” Dean winked.

“I…” Cas thought about it. “I don’t really do that,” he said.

“Not even a little?” Dean asked. “Didn’t you tell me you’d-?” He cleared his throat. “You’d had fun thinking about-”

“About having anal sex?” Cas asked and Dean nodded. “Yes, I have,” he said. “But I’ve been so busy lately with my new job-”

“You got a new job?” Dean asked.

“Yes, that promotion I told you about, I got it,” he said.

“Congrats, man,” Dean said and lifted his hand, Cas letting it go to allow him to put it on Cas’ face and kiss him.

“Thank you,” Cas said and couldn’t stop himself from kissing Dean again. “It feels like a long time since I saw you,” he said.

“I’m early,” Dean pointed out. “By a few days but still.” He shrugged. “Bit embarrassing to start on a case like that, I shouldn’t cut it so fine next time.”

“Maybe that would be wise,” Cas said and leaned to kiss Dean’s neck and when Dean felt him rub the back of his left hand there he flashed back to her.

“Who was she?” Dean asked, his hand falling to Cas’ shoulder.

“My boss’ sister,” Cas said and pulled back to look at Dean. “Why?”

Dean shook his head. “No reason, just wondered why she was here,” he said.

“I invited my boss to dinner and he brought her,” Cas said and narrowed his eyes. “Were you attracted to her?”

“No,” Dean said and Cas tilted his head. “I wasn’t Cas!” he defended. “I’m sure she’s nice and everything but like I said I came here for you.” Cas’ eyes relaxed. “I’ve just never come across an alpha so aggressive since those in the alley and she didn’t even touch me really. Is she gonna come back?”

“No, baby,” Cas shook his head and watched Dean nod. “No, she isn’t coming back.”

“Okay,” Dean said and exhaled. “Okay.”

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Cas asked. “You still seem shaken.”

Dean chuckled awkwardly. “Blame it on my hormones,” he said.

“Come here,” Cas said and rolled them back onto their sides and Dean didn’t argue when Cas put them back into the same position they’d been sleeping in. He even closed his eyes and held Cas back. “It’s okay.”

Dean nodded but didn’t talk as he settled next to Cas, his right leg straight against Cas’ and his left on Cas’ hip to allow for the knot between them but otherwise they just inhaled each other and took comfort in the touch.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Having his heat in Cas' own home causes some interesting reactions in Dean but the pair haven't gotten over their issues yet. On top of that, the pair seems to be slightly off. Maybe it's their stubborn and damaged natures or could there be another force at work here?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been a long time since I uploaded I've just been ill, not just once, and my computer isn't exactly working either so the chapters might be further apart but I am trying. Stick with it (me)! Hopefully you enjoy this and it'll make up for the wait!

Dean woke up again to a light pressure on the right side of his face and he hummed before he inhaled and opened his eyes with a questioningly grunt.

“Dean?” Cas said and Dean turned to look at him, he was sitting up behind Dean as if he’d just woken up. He then turned and looked around the room in front of him, it took him a few seconds to remember where he was and when he did the light in the room was enough to tell him that he’d managed to sleep right through without another episode.

“Yeah,” Dean said with a croak.

“I’m going to shower and make breakfast, I didn’t want you to wake up and I wasn’t there,” Cas said, “after last night.”

“Okay, yeah, thanks,” Dean said and rubbed his face while he closed his eyes again. “So, I don’t have to get up?”

“No,” Cas said with a chuckle before he kissed Dean’s cheek, unbeknownst to Dean it was for a second time that morning. “Not if you don’t want to.” He then pulled the sheets around Dean and got up out of bed.

“Nope,” Dean said and smiled before he turned in the bed.

Cas smiled as he left the room and pulled the door over behind him. Dean opened his eyes and lifted his head to hear Cas walking down the hall to the bathroom. He then shifted backwards in the bed so that he was on Cas’ side and pulled the pillow into his face and settled there with a smile. “Not moving,” he said to himself.

Dean was asleep by the time Cas came back with a towel around his waist and he opened the door quietly, Dean didn’t stir so he padded around the room for clothes and in the process he found a pair of blue pajamas in the back of the cupboard. He looked to Dean and then left them on the end of the bed before he got dressed and went down the stairs.

He made breakfast for them then turned on his computer and caught up on some emails. He looked up when he heard footsteps on the stairs and then to the clock, seeing it was nearly two in the afternoon he stood up and walked to the kitchen where there was a plate of uneaten omelet that had gone cold.

“Hey,” Dean said as he stepped into the room in the bottoms of the pajamas Cas had left and his own t-shirt. He watched Cas put food in the trash. “What was that?”

“Nothing,” Cas said and put the plate in the dishwasher.

Dean went to the trash and opened it. “Omelet?” he asked and Cas looked over his shoulder. “Was that for me?” he asked.

“It was just if you wanted it,” Cas said. “But it was cold.” He clasped his hands in front of him. “I can make you something else, if you like?”

“Got any bacon?” he asked hopefully.

“Of course,” Cas said and went to the fridge to take some out and then he found a pan.

Dean walked around the living room area and stopped at the back of the couch, squeezing it with his right hand. It was a new couch but the memories came anyway. He looked to the photos on the wall while Cas turned the heat on and poured some oil in to fry up some bacon for Dean.

“It hasn’t changed much,” he said and looked to Cas. “New furniture and stuff but still feels the same.”

Cas smiled at him. “Toast?” he asked.

“Yeah, I got it,” Dean said and walked to beside him while Cas handed him the bread. “So, how’s the new promotion treatin’ ya?”

“It’s good,” Cas said. “More money but more responsibility.”

“You get an assistant?” he asked.

“I had one before, I brought her with me to the new position, we work well together,” Cas was flashing back to the previous night.

“Makes sense,” Dean said and began loading bread into the toaster. “So, uh…” He turned as he pushed the toast in and Cas looked over to his right, at Dean. “Are you okay, me being here, or do you want to go to my apartment for this?”

“I have no objections to you being here at any time,” Cas said. “Do you wish to go to your apartment?”

Dean hesitated. “Well, no,” he said.

“But?” Cas asked.

“I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t stepping over a line,” he said.

“No,” Cas said and teased the bacon as it started to fry slowly.

“Are you working tomorrow?” Dean asked, since it was Sunday.

“Oh, that reminds me,” Cas said and walked over to the desk where his laptop was open, he hadn’t looked at the email from his assistant yet.

Dean walked to the pan and took over making the bacon while Cas did his thing.

Cas opened the email to the confirmation from Becky that she’d applied for emergency leave for him and it would come into effect from Monday, She’d applied for the usual time but, being that it hit a weekend, it was listed at seven days rather than eight. That had previously been a confusion between her and the staff that she’d cleared up from the first time when Cas was asked why he was at work by one of the medical team he’d ran into in the cafeteria.

Cas nodded, it made sense, he then replied to her and sat back before he turned to look at Dean, watching him and realized he hadn’t answered him. “Oh, I apologize, I forgot to answer my assistant’s email regarding my leave. No, I won’t be going to work tomorrow.”

Dean nodded, relief passing his face. “Got you all to myself huh?” he said.

“Yes,” Cas walked around the island and stood on Dean’s left before he lifted his right hand to Dean’s forehead and felt the beginnings of a flush as Dean closed his eyes and hummed at the touch. “You need to eat and then I’ll help you.”

“I’m not adverse to eating bacon during,” Dean said with a smirk and Cas tilted his head at Dean in lack of amusement. “What happened to being adventurous?”

“I never said I was adventurous,” Cas said and pushed Dean away from the pan to take over making bacon. “And I don’t think eating bacon while I penetrate you constitutes adventurous.”

Dean shook his head. “Not a good enough excuse to say penetrate,” he said and Cas looked at him. “I bet you’re awful at dirty talk.” Cas just looked confused. “Nothing, doesn’t matter.” Dean watched him flip the bacon over, his eyes falling to Cas’ hand around the plastic spatula and the way it moved around the handle. He swallowed and turned to the toast. “ _I_ shoulda cleaned the pipes,” he muttered to himself.

“Food,” Cas said, “and then whatever you want.”

“Really?” Dean asked with a smirk and Cas nodded. “I think I’m getting the better end of this deal.”

Cas looked at him and cocked an eyebrow. “I don’t think you are,” he said and teased the bacon more, checking the underside.

When it was ready Dean looked around for somewhere to sit before taking his plate to the couch area.

“Didn’t you have dinner last night?” He asked as Cas cleaned the pan. “Where’d you eat?”

“I have a dining table,” Cas said. “I put it away while you were asleep and moved the couch back.” He looked up. “Would you rather eat that at a table?”

Dean shook his head as he chewed on the bacon, which he put in his mouth without cutlery. “Nah, just wondered,” he said. “Didn’t strike me as a TV dinner crowd.”

Cas looked to Dean and thought he still sounded shaken by last night so he let go of the pan in the water and dried his hands before he walked to the couch and sat down next to Dean, turning the TV on before he handed Dean the remote and then moved closer to him, putting his right arm on Dean’s back as he idly ran his fingers through the back of Dean’s hair.

“Whatcha doin’?” Dean asked, turning his head to the left to look at Cas, somewhat bemused.

“Attempting to reassure you with my touch,” Cas said, watching what his hand was doing.

“I’m fine, Cas,” Dean said and shirked Cas off, his hand and arm hanging in mid-air. “You don’t have to get all touchy with me.”

Cas huffed and let his hand fall. “Okay,” he said and leaned back, putting both hands on his knees as he watched the TV. “I won’t touch you.”

Dean looked at him and then the remote as he tried to find a channel to watch. He glanced to Cas again as he continued to look at the TV. He looked a little sad, Dean thought, and then he felt bad.

He sighed. “It’s not that I don’t want you to touch me,” Dean said. “I don’t want you to feel like you _have_ to touch me.”

“I don’t,” Cas said. “I’m here to help you-”

“I already told you, Cas, I don’t want you to just help me,” Dean snapped. “I want you to want to-”

He stopped when Cas lifted his right hand to Dean’s hair and stroked through it, Dean felt his nails scrape over the scalp and then repeat from the beginning as he looked to the TV.

Dean opened his mouth to ask Cas what he was doing but he figured he might already have that answer and he smiled to himself a little as he dipped his head to eat more bacon.

“Be careful what you wish for, Dean,” Cas said and then looked away from the TV to look at Dean. “Or you might get a glimpse into what I’m like when I act on what I want.” He smiled before he looked away again.

It occurred to Dean that Cas might be better at dirty talk than either of them knew because that had certainly gone to Dean’s crotch.

 

When Dean finished his bacon he stood and walked into the kitchen to put the plate by the sink. Cas stood up and walked to it as Dean took a step back to allow him to. He opened the dishwasher and put it in.

“Right, sorry,” Dean said and wrung his hands.

“Dean, don’t act like a guest, treat this place like your own,” Cas said and turned to face him.

“It’s just weird,” Dean said and looked around, “being here again, after so long.”

“We can leave, if you’d prefer,” Cas said.

“No,” Dean said and shook his head before he pointed over to the wall where Cas’ photos hung, which his boss had been admiring the previous night. “I don’t remember those.” He was changing the subject in an attempt to deflect attention from him but Cas let him.

“They weren’t there,” Cas said. “My mom died a few years ago and I had to clean out the house. They liked displaying photos so I brought a lot back with me.”

“You said you had two moms?” Dean asked and leaned his back against the counter.

“Yes,” Cas said and smiled, “although I called them Mom and Mama.”

“They’re both gone now?” Dean asked, cautiously.

“Yes, they were in their later years when they adopted me. A fact that almost went against them. However, they were spectacular parents,” Cas said, a little reflectively, as he looked to the photos.

“Clearly,” Dean and Cas looked back to him before they smiled.

“What about your parents, if you don’t mind me asking?” Cas said.

Dean crossed his arms and inhaled. “Both gone, I’m afraid. My mom died in the fire, I think I told you, Dad died after a hunting vendetta caught up to him.” He shrugged. “Just me and Sammy now.” He smiled.

“I’m sorry, Dean,” Cas said.

“S’okay, Cas,” Dean said and watched Cas walk towards him, stopping in front of him before he leaned forward and kissed Dean whose eyes stayed open in surprise and then closed as he lifted his right hand to Cas’ jaw just as he pulled back and Dean cleared his throat. “What uh- What was that for?”

“I wanted to,” Cas said and leaned in to do it again, Dean not protesting or surprised this time, only when Cas pulled back a few minutes later. “When do you want me to help you?” Cas asked in a hushed voice against Dean’s lips.

“Now,” Dean said, putting his hands on the kitchen counter before he lifted his body weight and sat on the edge.

His and Cas’ hands went to undo the pull on his pajama bottoms and he put his palms on the counter to lift his hips while Cas pulled them off and Dean flicked his legs to help them fall to the ground. He wasn’t wearing underwear since he hadn’t brought any with him and there was a small, dark patch in the crotch area of the pants.

“Right here?” Cas asked as he unfastened his own pants.

“Unless you wanna go all the way upstairs,” Dean said as he lifted his legs, bending them up to put his feet on the edge.

“No,” Cas said and put his hands on Dean’s hips after having moved his underwear down enough to free his penis.

He pushed into Dean, using his hold on Dean’s hip to pull him towards him. He found the counter a little too high so he pulled Dean over the edge of it as Dean lay back on his elbows and Cas thrust into him. Dean’s bent legs met behind Cas where there were gently entwined, the tops of his feet touching. Cas moved his hands to Dean’s outer thighs and held Dean’s knees against his waist with his arms as he shoved his hips forward.

Dean let his head fall back as he groaned and then his left elbow gave way underneath him and he let his right follow it as his body rubbed against the marble counter.

Cas watched him and let his left hand move to Dean’s right where he gripped it and moved it to Deans own dick as he replaced his hand on Dean’s hips, to reclaim the leverage he’d lost.

“You sure?” Dean asked as he began pumping his own cock in time with Cas’ thrusts.

“Uh-huh,” Cas said and watched as the muscle in Dean’s neck tightened as he pleasured himself. “Why- not?”

“Kitchen,” Dean said with an exhale before he moaned and then grunted when he bit his lip.

Cas didn’t answer and the conversation halted there, making way for Cas to listen to Dean’s reactions, letting them spur him on and quicken. He found that the more he let Dean’s voice and movements dictate his own the better he found it, they played off of each other and Cas got closer and closer to the end as Dean did.

Cas let his head hang back while he groaned into the air, both of them covered in sweat by now as evidenced by their t-shirts slightly sticking to them, Dean’s head came up as he got closer to coming and he pressed one foot against the other. When Dean came against his stomach he flinched for a second, thinking he’d overshot it and hit the counter and he looked over his right shoulder as Cas groaned his name and came himself. Dean let his head fall back to the surface when he realized he hadn’t got any there.

“I don’t think we thought this through,” Cas said when he looked at Dean’s chest.

“Hmm?” Dean asked and then looked down. “Well, I did ask.” He chuckled and closed his eyes. “And we’re stuck together.”

“Come here,” Cas said and Dean opened his eyes to see Cas putting his arms under Dean, against his lower back. “Don’t straighten right up.”

Dean put his right hand on Cas’ shoulder as Cas lifted him but didn’t straighten up, as Cas said, he turned Dean and sat him beside the sink where the pan was still soaking and found a cloth which he dipped in the water. He stopped to take the pan out and wrung out the cloth before he began cleaning up Dean’s stomach.

“You’re not gonna use that again, right?” Dean asked.

“No,” Cas said without looking away from Dean as he cleaned him up as best as he could.

He then dumped it on the side and lifted Dean up once more. Dean’s upper torso swayed with the sudden movement before he gripped Cas’ shoulder again, this time with both hands and looked around them as Cas walked to the couch and sat down with Dean in his lap. Dean groaned from the position change, closing his eyes, and Cas looked up at Dean, watching his reaction to the push of his knot with a small smile. When Dean opened his eyes he smiled too and kissed Cas.

“Yeah, you eat it up,” Dean said in a whisper against Cas’ lips.

“I’m not eating,” Cas said.

Dean chuckled lightly. “I meant you’re enjoying this too much,” he said. “I mean using your knot as a weapon,” Dean added before Cas could question that Dean was enjoying this too.

“I told you,” Cas said and used his hands on Dean’s hips to move him, making Dean inhale before he moaned gently, “I like the noises you make.”

“You keep going like that,” Dean said, “and we’ll need to go to the sink again.”

“Not exactly…” Cas said in a whisper as he brought his lips to Dean’s. “… Motivation to stop.”

“Didn’t say stop,” Dean said and they both smiled before they kissed again.

Dean gasped out of the kiss when Cas did it again, harder, and then watched Cas bite his lip as he chuckled and leaned in to kiss him again.

 

After they’d separated it was gone three in the afternoon so Cas took the chance to answer some more emails at his laptop. Dean seemed to be fine so far and Cas took that as a good sign, when he needed him he’d find a way to tell him.

It was an hour of concentration later that Cas finally looked up and realized the TV wasn’t on and Dean was nowhere to be seen. He felt a jolt of panic that Dean had left again and he went to the living room doorway, looking to the front door, not sure what he’d see that’d confirm either way if Dean was here or not. So he climbed the stairs slowly and quietly, trying to hear any noise – the shower, snoring, anything. He heard nothing.

He walked to the top of the stairs and peered into the bathroom to find it empty and with no obvious signs of recent use. He then walked along the landing, looking in the open door of the guest room and saw it was undisturbed. He continued to the closed over door of his bedroom.

He pushed the door open and looked to the bed where Dean was lying under the covers, he had a sleepy look on his face but hadn’t actually been sleeping. He had no clothes on and he had pulled Cas’ pillow to him. Cas felt the relief let him breathe again.

“Cas,” Dean said and pushed the pillow away, trying to sit up. “I didn’t hear you.”

“It’s okay,” Cas said and walked to the bed. “I just wondered where you were, I haven’t heard anything in a while. I didn’t know you were nesting I wouldn’t have-”

Dean scoffed and pushed the covers aside, he didn’t have underwear on and he was lying on a towel. He got up in one movement.

“I don’t nest,” Dean said and moved towards his clothes, passed Cas.

Cas put his right arm out to Dean. “It’s okay, Dean, it’s natural.”

Dean pushed him off. “I don’t nest, okay Cas!” Dean yelled and pushed him back before he paused and walked over to his clothes.

“Okay,” Cas said eventually.

“I’m going for a shower,” Dean said and stormed out of the bedroom.

Cas nodded but didn’t answer as Dean walked down the hall to the shower. He saw Dean’s jacket and boots and picked them up. He walked downstairs and put the boots on the floor before he hung up the jacket. Next time he’d know before he went up the stairs.

He then paused and took the stairs up again. He heard the water running and he pushed open the door, closing it behind him. He heard Dean humming at around the same level as the shower water running and hitting the floor. The glass hadn’t steamed up yet so he could see Dean clearly.

“It’s okay, Dean,” Cas said and Dean froze before he looked over his left shoulder. “Whatever problem you have with nesting, it’s natural.”

“Chicks nest, dudes don’t,” Dean said and turned back to the water.

Cas turned and put the seat of the toilet down before he sat on it. “Dean, I feel like – no matter how guarded you are – I know you better than most people and I can assure you that you know me better than anyone.” Cas paused. “Anyone except two women.”

“Cas, what are you talking about?” Dean asked as he continued shampooing his hair.

“My parents,” Cas said and looked to Dean who looked over his shoulder at him. “Let me tell you about them, let me tell you their story.” He lowered his head and wrung his hands. “They met in college, Mom was a professor and Mama, she was over on a teaching exchange. They worked together for three months and then when it was over Mom asked her to marry her. She said no.”

Dean turned and looked at Cas. “She said no?”

Cas nodded. “She didn’t want to marry my mom just so she didn’t have to leave so she went home promising that she’d come back and she told Mom that if it was meant to be she’d wait.”

“Did she?” Dean asked.

“Yes,” Cas said and Dean idly scrubbed his hair. “They bonded before they parted, they waited and they eventually married some years later.” Cas smiled. “I remember watching the video as a child. Video cameras were quite new to the public consumer market back then and my mom used to say it cost more for one of those than both of their dresses put together but I always thought they were exaggerating.” He rubbed his face and considered it was time to shave. “They were married for nearly fifteen years before I came to them,” Cas said. “Mom, she was an alpha, Mama was omega.” Cas rubbed his hands together.

Dean watched him and thought that while he saw pain in Cas’ face as he spoke he also saw great fondness, something that came from watching your parents grow while they watched you do the same. Dean was glad he’d had at least a glimpse of that while his brother was completely denied, of both his mother and the father John started out as.

“Before any person or persons can be certified as safe and ready to foster or adopt a child they must complete a serious of mandatory check points, one of them being classes on presentation.” Cas sat up on the toilet. “They’re taught how to spot signs and how to prepare, such as giving omegas the right information and making sure the alphas are taught consent. I have to say that I volunteered with the orphanage a few years ago and their inclusion of betas in the sex education classes is a welcome breakthrough, they were treated as though they were irrelevant back then.” Dean idly thought about Sam and was so glad when Bobby helped them. “They do a lot of things now that they didn’t then.”

He stopped and looked faraway, he was thinking about leaflets he’d seen at the doctor’s office when he was twelve years old – the leaflets for alphas were about temper and consent while the omega leaflet was about pregnancy, heats and rape crisis centers, as if that was as much an expected occurrence than the biological events.

“Like what?” Dean prompted and when Cas looked he’d rinsed his hair and was leaning his hand on the wall of the shower cubicle and looking at Cas, it had steamed up more. Cas looked lost for a second, as if he hadn’t been aware of talking. “What do they do now that they didn’t do then?” Dean clarified.

“Oh!” Cas said and gestured his left hand. “They teach consent classes with alphas, omegas and betas present now, we didn’t have that then. It was presumed that alphas were the ones that needed this information. They also teach about heats and pregnancy with all three present also, whereas before it was assumed it was only omegas that needed to know that kind of thing.”

Cas looked down again and Dean opened the shower door a crack to let some steam out and reached for the body wash.

“But you know it all?” Dean asked and Cas nodded without looking up. “Did they teach you, your moms?”

“Yes,” Cas said and smiled as he looked up, happy that Dean had figured out where he was going with this. “As they went through their heats the only thing they kept from me was the- the sex.” He nodded to himself. “I saw the fevers, the sleeping, the possessiveness, the touching-” He swept his hand in the air. “I saw it all. They believed that nothing is as educational as first-hand experience.” He smiled a little. “Once, Mama went into heat unexpectedly in the middle of the store, when I was a child. I didn’t fully understand, but-” He stopped, considering he needed to explain a little bit more before he continued. “The doctors at the orphanage thought I might present as an alpha or a beta so when I was taken in by, who would later be, my parents, they were forewarned, as you would expect.” Dean nodded as he shook the shower gel bottle and poured some into his hand. “In the supermarket Mama and I were in one aisle while Mom was in a whole other part, it was just the two of us. There was a woman who worked there, I remember her blue uniform with red stripes down the sides, and I couldn’t understand why she kept following us.”

Dean wasn’t sure he wanted to hear this story. “Cas-”

Cas looked to Dean and shook his head with a smile. “Oh, no,” he said. “No, nothing happened to her.” He laughed. “She- she told me to go and get Mom but I figured out what was happening when I smelled it, to me it was like jello but then I was just a boy who hadn’t started presenting yet. However, somehow I understood what it meant. I stood in front of Mom and tried to growl like I’d seen Mom do once when a man came to the front door asking for directions during one heat.” Cas laughed and Dean smiled a little. “I couldn’t do it like an alpha can, like I can now, so I was pretty much just growling like the tigers at the zoo.” He shook his head. “I must have looked so ridiculous because the woman just looked at me, dumbfounded.”

Dean smiled. “You were a kid, you probably just looked like a kid being a kid.” Cas nodded. “What about your mom?”

“She happened to come towards us at that moment,” Cas said. “She stepped up to the woman and she left. We helped Mama out to the car and when we were inside she took my hand, she never let go the whole way home, and then we helped her into bed.”

Cas smiled again and Dean liked Cas talking about his parents, it was the most he’d seen him smile, and the most genuine.

“I remember asking Mom why Mama was going to bed, if she was tired. She told me that it was something omegas did during heat, they did it anyway but especially when they were scared or vulnerable.” Cas looked to Dean. “That it was natural and not gender related. It was a reflex and comfort.”

Dean sighed and, feeling exhausted, sat down on the floor of the shower, the water falling into his lap. “Cas, I’m glad that you had parents like that, after your shitty start in the world but-” He sighed. “I wasn’t so lucky, everything I know about heats I learned from you, literally everything. I mean, I might have picked up bits along the way from listening to other people but even then it’d be recently, when I started listening to it. My dad, I don’t even know what he was, he didn’t talk about any of that. He was more like what attitudes were like before, men were men, women were women and that was it.” He cut his hand in the air. “There was no crossing those lines. He didn’t know I like guys and I wasn’t gonna tell him. We weren’t allowed to disagree about anything, we had to just go along with it.”

“It’s natural to air grievances,” Cas said.

“Is that what you were taught?” Dean asked and Cas didn’t have a chance to nod before Dean said, “I was taught that only babies whined.” He lowered his head. “When Sam presented as beta, besides being glad, I wondered if maybe that’s what Dad was and I was the wrong one.”

Cas leaned towards Dean. “There is nothing wrong, Dean,” Dean nodded, his smile weak and disbelieving, “about either of us,” he said.

Dean looked up to him suddenly and his face fell slack. “Really?” he asked. “Do you really believe that?” Dean felt a glimmer of hope in his chest, maybe the one good thing he could accomplish in the world was making Cas believe that he wasn’t a monster.

“I’m starting to,” Cas said and smiled.

Dean looked down and closed his eyes as his body shook once in a laugh and shook his head. “It just-” He shrugged as he looked up. “It made me feel better, Cas,” Dean said. “You were busy and I just felt-”

He inhaled and Cas couldn’t tell if he was trying to find the right word or the courage in him to say it but he didn’t try to interrupt or guess. He realized that the little boy that was told not to talk about his feelings had grown into a teenager who had trusted his friend with his heat, something he knew nothing about, and he then grew into a man who found out that that friend would have hurt him in the worst way possible. Cas knew that that must have confirmed it for him, along with the embarrassment of Cas’ rejection and the fear he felt when he left.

“I felt…” Dean exhaled. “I don’t know what it was. I wanted to touch you but not at the same time, I wanted you around me but the thought of reaching out for you while you were busy, even saying your name, it was too much, I couldn’t do it,” Dean said.

Cas thought back to the times now that Dean had said he didn’t want Cas to come to him when he was needed, he wanted Cas to need him too.

“Dean, we’re not the same, we react to heats differently. Omegas crave touch, attention, reassurance, scent. Alphas, they protect, mark territory, reassure, _help_.” Dean nodded sadly. “Remember that I’m as new to this as you are, I’m acting on instinct, Dean, my instincts aren’t just holding you close after last night, they’re working and keeping myself in check. I’m trying, I really am, to push those away. But please remember that I’m finding it as difficult as you are. Just because I’m not near you, touching you, scenting you, that doesn’t mean that I don’t want to. It means I’m not used to acting on what I want, I don’t know what is appropriate, where the line is between reassuring you and scaring you.”

Dean watched him huff. “You couldn’t scare me, Cas,” Dean said and Cas looked to him. “You never could and you never will.”

Cas pursed his lips. “I need you to say my name, I need you to pull me away from my computer. I need an indication, Dean. I’m learning.”

Dean nodded. “Yeah, I guess,” he said. “But Cas, it’s a big jump for me, from even letting you _help me_ to indicating anything.”

“I know that, Dean. I know how hard it is for you, as I said, it’s hard for me too,” he said.

“Okay,” Dean said, after a few beats. “Okay, now get out so I can finish showering.”

Cas leaned forward in his seat and paused. “No,” he said and smiled.

Dean smiled too, half-laughing. “Really?” he asked.

“Really,” Cas said and met Dean’s stare.

Dean looked down, slightly embarrassed before Cas watched him bite his lip and struggle to stand up. He could have pushed up, uncrossing his legs as he went, instead he swung his hips around as he pushed up and Cas caught the full view. He leaned back in his seat, trying to decide between walking in there and giving Dean what he seemed to want right away or waiting and dragging him into the bedroom before he had a chance to dry off.

His brain reminded him that this wasn’t his heat, this was Dean’s, and he shouldn’t do anything until Dean asked him for help. But then he figured that maybe Dean had just asked for help.

“Dean, can I ask you a question?” Cas said and Dean hummed as he reapplied shower gel on his sponge and began scrubbing his body, Cas watched the soap run down his back, over his buttocks and down the backs of his legs. “I remember when I was about seventeen, I watched this crude video, it was an attempt at turning mating rituals into rhymes.”

“Rhymes?” Dean said, mockingly.

“Yes, I can’t remember any of them now, so evidently they weren’t as effective as they intended. But I remember an image. It was of a female alpha walking into a bedroom where a male omega was lying on the bed on his front but his buttocks were in the air while he looked to her. I remember he closed his eyes and swallowed before she closed the door in the cameras face.”

“Sounds like a porno,” Dean said. “You sure you didn’t get it in the back room of the video store?”

“I’m quite sure,” Cas said, “it was at school.”

“Boys school by any chance?” Dean asked.

“Yes,” Cas said, narrowing his eyes as Dean nodded with an expression that suggested he wasn't surprised at all as he scrubbed his chest. “But I remember the lesson was how to spot when an omega was consciously presenting-” Dean paused and looked over his shoulder at Cas. “So, my question is – did you just consciously present to me or was it just the manner in which you stood up?”

Dean looked to the side for a second, Cas couldn’t figure out if he was trying to think back or if he were surprised it was a question.

“I-” Dean looked from the wall to Cas. “I don’t know,” he said as he put the sponge down and rinsed the soap from his hands. “Did I present?”

“It seemed like you did,” Cas said, standing as Dean stepped out of the shower cubicle, and picked up the towel from the rail,” but that doesn’t mean it was consciously so I thought I would check before I acted on it.”

“Right,” Dean said.

Cas stepped up to him as Dean put his hand out.

“May I?” he asked.

Dean’s hand dropped. “Yeah,” he said.

Dean’s eyes never left Cas’ as he rubbed the towel all over Dean’s neck, chest and abdomen. He felt water running from his hair down the left side of his neck and back as Cas dried his penis, balls and between his legs in the same manner that he then moved on to dry the front and backs of Dean’s legs. Dean leaned one hand on Cas’ shoulder as he lifted a foot to let Cas dry it and then switched.

Cas looked up to Dean before he stood up and they came eye to eye.

“Turn around,” Cas said and Dean hesitated. “I’m not going to do anything,” he added.

“Didn’t think you were,” Dean said as he turned.

“Yes, you did,” Cas said and dried his upper back before he discovered the droplets and dried them quickly, electing to finish drying Dean’s back and buttocks before he rubbed Dean’s hair with the towel. “And that’s okay.”

He then wrapped the towel around Dean’s waist, in the process he found that he could smell something on Dean that had even the smallest hairs on the back on his neck standing up in interest. It was Dean’s natural smell in the faintest amount, after just showering, but it was slowly being laced by something else. It was strange, in Cas’ mind when he inhaled it and tasted it at the back of his throat it was like desire but it also had a few drops of security or comfort, he couldn’t decide. He didn’t know why what Dean was giving off suddenly smelled like emotions rather than actual scents and he figured it was his imagination but it still almost took him over.

Instead of letting Dean take the edges of the towel and pulling back he let his head tip forward, further into the right side of Dean’s neck and further into the smell. Dean had taken the towel before Cas had even properly wrapped it so Cas lifted his right hand to Dean’s stomach and pulled his left hand to Dean’s hip before he lifted it to put against Dean’s head. He pushed it so that his nose squashed against Dean’s skin and then he really did want to taste it, first hand rather than at the back of his throat, so he kissed Dean’s neck, pushing his tongue against the skin there. It was still damp and tasting of water but it wasn’t long before he tasted Dean through the flood.

Dean’s left hand came across himself and he placed it on top of Cas’ on his stomach, holding it there as he closed his eyes and hummed in his throat.

Cas’ left hand moved to hold the side of Dean’s neck and he kissed up, towards Dean’s jawline. He could taste it now, not just the scotch but the smoke of the barrel it was distilled in, every earthy note that was there to taste was slowly making its way to the surface through the spring water.

Despite assuring Dean he wouldn’t do anything he couldn’t help himself, he pushed Dean forward and he stumbled, putting his hands on the sides of the cubicle door. He had wished to push Dean against something but hadn’t thought it through. He grunted and sighed as he let his head hang back thinking that it may be a sign not to act on what he wanted.

“What?” Dean asked and looked over his shoulder to the right. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Cas said and stepped back, away from Dean. “I- I apologize,” he said and looked at door. “I’ll leave you to dress.” He opened the door and stepped out.

Dean followed him out and put his right hand out to Cas’ hand. “Hey,” he said and Cas stopped, turning a little to look at him. “Okay, fine,” he said. “I was nesting or whatever you want to call it. There,” he said. “Happy?” Cas looked at him confused. “Now, was that you acting on what you wanted?” Cas looked away awkwardly. “Because I need more of that.” Cas looked back to him suddenly. “Pushing me up against an open doorway wasn’t gonna work for you but-” He side stepped towards the linen closet and turned to face Cas as he stepped backwards. “There’s plenty of other walls around here, Cas.”

Cas watched him bite his lip but didn’t move.

“No?” Dean gestured his hands out, palms up, in question and then he shrugged. “Okay,” he said, his smile not fading, “if you change your mind…” He winked and made to turn around.

He didn’t get that far.

Cas stalked up beside him, grabbing Dean’s shoulders to shove him against the door frame of the spare room and kissed him. Dean lifted his hands to Cas’ arm and hip before Cas squeezed Dean’s penis in his hand through his towel.

“How’s that?” he asked Dean who just nodded before Cas kissed him again and he could smell when liquid dripped from Dean who cocked his leg inward to catch it on his calf. Cas grinned and looked in Dean’s eyes. “So, you _really_ like this?” He leaned to kiss Dean’s neck. “Is it me pushing you around?”

Dean exhaled and lifted his hand from Cas’ arm to run through his hair. “I don’t know,” he said breathlessly. “Maybe. I’m a bit new to this.” He chuckled nervously. “Same as you.”

Cas looked in his eyes again. “Not _that_ new, not now,” he said.

Dean tilted his head. “Still not used to it,” he said.

“Yes,” Cas said. “And I think getting to the bedroom will be more of a problem in this house than your apartment.”

“Well…” Dean said as he pushed Cas back a step and he went without hesitation, Dean grabbed his shirt as he stepped to the side. “Why bother?”

Cas pushed Dean inside the guest room until they got to the single bed and fell onto it. Dean’s towel opened as Cas straddled him, just to get on the bed, and Dean remembered pushing into Cas in the shower, the same thought crossed Cas mind and he thought about asking for it. He wanted it, that crossed his mind too, he wanted it and Dean wanted more of what he wanted.

But the way Dean reached for Cas and pulled him down for a kiss, not to his lips but his neck, told Cas that what he wanted should take a back seat for now, in favor of what Dean needed.

Dean lifted his right foot and placed it on the sheets, his knee bent, while his left stayed on the ground. Cas nipped at Dean’s right nipple and ran his right hand through Dean’s hair before tightening his hold a little, as he leaned to bite on Dean’s side.

“Careful,” Dean said, “I might start to think you like me.” Cas smiled as he moved to kiss Dean’s neck, nipping the skin there too. “Shucks,” Dean said, a little breathless suddenly. “Cas,” he wriggled under him, “come on.”

Cas brought his nips up Dean’s neck so that he could talk into Dean’s ear, “What?” he asked. “What do you want, Dean?”

“You know what I want,” Dean said, pulling at Cas’ pants. “What, I gotta beg?”

Cas heard the hint of distaste in Dean’s voice and remembered the time Cas had tried talking to him and he’d asked Cas not to be a typical alpha. Cas could hear how much more relaxed Dean was now but the slight disdain was evident, the way someone gets angry at being embarrassed even before it happens, at the mere suggestion.

“No, baby,” Cas said and lifted his hips to let himself move his left knee back, pressing it into the mattress and tucking it under Dean’s leg, using it to push Dean’s already bent leg higher. He then did the same with his right, lifting Dean’s left leg from its slack position hanging off of the bed. Dean was pulling at the front of Cas’ pants and pulled Cas’ dick, trying to free it.

Cas inhaled through his teeth when Dean was a little rough when there wasn’t enough room for it to move that way and then called out in pain.

Dean’s hands lifted immediately. “What, what’d I do? I’m sorry, what’d I do?” he asked in a panic.

“Just-” Cas leaned on his left hand and used his right to hold his pants while he pushed his hips backwards to create the room needed to release himself. “A little too impatient.” He sighed in relief when he pulled out his hard dick, pushing his pants down enough after to free his balls. “That’s all.” He leaned over Dean again, putting his right hand in the pillow too.

“Sorry,” Dean said and Cas nodded, his lips close to Dean’s, “sorry-” Dean was cut off when Cas kissed him. “Sorry, honey.” He smiled when Cas did. “That make up for it?” Cas nodded. “So you won’t need me to make it better then? Like this?”

Cas groaned when he felt Dean curl his left hand around Cas’ cock and then his grip become firmer as he began to stroke it slowly. “Yes,” Cas said.

“Anything else?” Dean asked.

Cas’ mouth opened, as if he were about to say something, and then it closed again when he thought better of it.

“Cas, tell me,” Dean said, being a little frustrated he whined a little.

“Later,” Cas said, “when you’re feeling better- not needing me so much.” He licked his dry lips as Dean nodded, waiting. “Penetrate me.”

Dean nodded more enthusiastically immediately and his hand tightened about Cas’ length. “Not right now?” he asked, offering.

Cas shook his head. “Right now you need my knot,” he said and bit off a groan, feeling his knot beginning to form. “But later, at some point this week-” He kissed Dean and pursed his lips together, daring himself. “Fuck into me.”

“Yeah,” Dean croaked, his voice breaking, he cleared his throat as he nodded. “Yeah, Cas, I can do that.”

Dean took his hand from Cas’ dick and push his hips back. Cas took that as a hint and lined up before pushing into him. Dean gasped inward because Cas’ knot had begun to form and he felt the slight resistance as he slid over it.

“You want me to push you into the mattress, Cas?” Cas began thrusting into Dean and hung his head as Dean spoke, breathless and turned on. “I can do it however you want – fast, slow, soft, hard.”

“Hard,” Cas found himself saying.

“Hard?” Dean repeated, running his hand up Cas’ arm and over his back as he kissed Dean’s chest with a nod. “Show me.”

Cas didn’t need to be given more instructions and Dean moaned as Cas pushed into him hard, taking Dean by surprise. He slowed a little in his speed and bit his lips as he imagined how it would be.

“Like that?” Dean asked when he’d recovered, imagining himself. “Is that how you want it?” Dean groaned when Cas pushed into him hard again with a grunt. “That’s how you want it, me fucking you-” He exhaled as Cas picked up his speed, as if activated by a magic word, and they moved together, Dean rolling his hips too. “Hard- Harder, Cas.” Cas just nodded and gave Dean exactly what he asked for. “Would you say my name?” Dean asked.

“Yes,” Cas said into Dean’s neck. “It’s all I’d be able to say.”

“Say it,” Dean softly demanded.

“Dean-” Dean rolled his hips as he used his hold on Cas’ to pull him in. “Dean, Dean, harder-”

Cas’ rhythm stuttered as he felt his legs buzz and he closed his eyes, seeing it all in his head, he practically forgotten that they were just playing, that he was actually the one doing most of the work. Sensing that, Dean decided to take control and he rolled them over so he could ride Cas.

“Like this?” Dean asked as he rolled his hips, leaning forward a little to steady himself after the swift change in position. He looked down at Cas and sucked on his right index and middle finger of his right hand before he leaned back again and, using his other fingers to cautiously urged Cas’ swollen testicles out of the way, pressed and rubbed the wet fingertips at Cas’ hole.

Cas growled in his throat and then turned it into a hum before he leaned up, hugging Dean’s torso with his hands up Dean’s back, and pushed his hips up, into Dean as hard as he could.

“Not gonna make it that far, Cas?” Dean asked and was answered by a moan as Cas pulled Dean to him as he continued to thrust up. Dean felt him bite the skin under Dean’s right nipple as he came.

Cas felt Dean move his right hand to Cas’ thigh, the moist fingertips only tracing the skin before he lifted it and put his hand on Cas’ shoulder. Cas exhaled a few times and, realizing he was holding Dean quite tightly he loosened his hold and looked up at Dean who was in turn looking down with a smirk.

“What?” Cas asked.

“Nothing,” Dean said and moved to Cas’ ear. “Just thinking about how I’m gonna fuck you.” Cas closed his eyes and tried to swallow but it felt hard. “It’s gonna be hard, fast and _so_ good, Cas.” Cas whimpered as he felt Dean move his hips before he used his weight on Cas to push him back to lying down. “You’ll like that, right?”

Cas nodded. As ridiculous as it was while he’d barely got his breath back, he felt like he was making that familiar ascension all over again, despite having just finished it.

“You liked it last time,” Dean reminded him before he pushed his hips down, hard against Cas’ who groaned as Dean said, “Didn’t you?”

“Yes,” Cas said and his hands went to Dean’s hips, stopping them. “I’m too sensitive, I’ll come again.”

Dean smiled before he moved to kiss Cas, when he pulled away their lips still brushed as he spoke they were so close. “I like making you come twice,” Dean said. “You sound gorgeous when you can’t control it.” He felt Cas exhale through his nose as he bit his lip, his eyes closed. “I wish I could come in your ass twice.”

Cas let his head hang back to the pillow and groaned loudly; between Dean’s words and the way he was making Cas feel he didn’t even question it – he would come again.

“Give me this, Cas,” Dean practically begged as he followed Cas’ lips. “You don’t have to do anything except let me move my hips, let them go-” Cas moaned, he couldn’t help himself. “Let go.”

Cas made a noise that was part whimper and part moan. Dean could easily brush Cas away and carry on, let instinct take over and get the seed any way he could. But he knew that his Dean would never do that, he needed and wanted Cas to say yes, in whichever way he wanted to. So, Cas moved his hands to the bed sheets and gripped tight, Dean didn’t wait for it to be expressed verbally before he rolled his hips against Cas’ knot, Cas mouth fell open and a variety of quiet moans tumbled out. Dean’s right hand went to Cas’ jaw and held it tight as he tilted Cas’ jaw down. Cas was trying to control his breathing and, in turn, trying to control himself.

“Look at me,” Dean said as he was trying to angle Cas’ head with his grip on his jaw. “Look at me,” Dean repeated when Cas’ body convulsed once with the effort he was putting in. “Don’t hold it in.” Dean could tell from the strain in Cas’ neck. “Cas, honey, you’ve come twice before, how is this different?” He followed Cas as he turned his head to the left before he rolled his hips again. “Huh? Talk to me, I’m not psychic.”

Cas’ looked away as his hands tightened in the sheets and when Dean pulled his face back to him he struggled to keep his eyes open, his mouth still open.

“I don’t know,” Cas strained. “Feels like-” He let his left hand untangle in the sheets and lift to grip onto Dean’s right shoulder. “Letting go.”

Dean leaned and kissed Cas’ clavicle and licked up to his neck as he rolled his hips again. Cas inhaled a few times quickly and Dean couldn’t help it, he knew Cas was about to come for him like this and it was a big deal. One move of his arm and Dean would stop, even one word and Dean would stop. To have Cas willingly comply like this was big, especially if he felt that this meant something different. Dean felt so turned on by what he was about to do but fear made him hesitate. What if this was too far for Cas? Dean didn’t see a difference in this time and any other that Cas had doubled up – hell he’d tripled up before – but Cas saw a difference and that’s what mattered. That’s what was almost too much. And that’s when Dean’s hips slowed to a stop.

However, Cas’ right hand fell to Dean’s hip, too far to back out now and not wanting to, and rolled it for him. The keening that came from Cas told Dean that he’d crossed that line for the both of them. Dean closed his eyes, aware that he could feel movement inside himself as Cas topped him up.

“Thank you,” Dean whispered against Cas’ lips. Cas wasn’t sure if it was said to Cas for finishing it for him, for Cas letting go of his hips or for helping Dean. And Dean though that it might be all three.

Cas rolled them over again, now dangerously close to the far edge of the bed, and kissed Dean’s neck.

“You’re going to kill me,” Cas said.

“Not intentionally,” Dean replied, with a sigh, running his hands over Cas’ warm body.

“Well, that’s alright then,” he said. Cas then hummed as he pushed his hips against Dean’s.

Dean groaned before he said, “You going for round three?”

Cas shook his head but didn’t speak as he cupped Dean’s face and kissed him. Dean let his head be lifted from the pillow and tightened his hold around Cas’ back.

Dean spoke almost as soon as their lips parted, stopping Cas in his tracks before he could kiss Dean again, “Are you okay?”

“Yes?” Cas answered, mildly confused.

“I mean-” Dean said and Cas leaned back a little, to see him more. “Are we okay, after that?”

“Yes,” Cas repeated and rested his hands on the mattress, just below the pillow, at either side of Dean. “You had my consent and I had yours.” He paused, now about to second guess himself. “Right?”

Dean nodded. “Just checkin’,” he said with a small smile and then let his head fall back to the pillow. “Brings back memories,” Dean said, looking around him, his nonchalance sent Cas’ rising fear back to the depths.

The room had been redecorated since he’d last been but while there were the needed updates, such as new windows, the rest seemed to be purely to freshen it up.

“It does?” Cas asked, wondering what memories it could conjure up from the one night Dean slept here before he left the next evening. “In what way?”

“Just does,” Dean said, remembering wakening up in a dazed sweat with hot slick running from between his legs. He remembered his dream of the late night visitor and closed his eyes in embarrassment of the memory, as if scared that it might leak out of his eyes and Cas would see.

“Dean?” Cas said, watching him.

“No, nothing,” Dean said, shaking his head, and then he opened his eyes as he smiled at Cas.

“Okay,” Cas said reluctantly. “But if you ever want to say _something_ -”

“I know,” Dean said and smiled. “You know-” He bit his lip and then reached his left hand out to Cas’ arm. “You know, I was undercover at a bar after our last heat-”

Our, Cas heard and couldn’t help but lean down and kiss Dean’s collar bone. Yes, it was something that was theirs, together, and no one else’s.

“A chick we’d been hunting, she was into the more love ‘em and leave ‘em kind. It was just me and Sam on the job and he doesn't like to do that kinda thing, brings back bad memories for him, we learned that the hard way, so I had to take the hit.” He inhaled when Cas moved to his neck. “We figured I’d sit there until I could get her talking, take her outside and then me and Sam would make the collar. That way it’d be a clean, no-fuss jump. No one inside gets rattled or calls the cops. No guns drawn is the ideal way.” Dean’s hand ran up Cas’ back to his neck and into his hair. “I’m in there for hours, Sam’s there for back-up but he wouldn’t stop teasing me, I can see him out of the corner of my eye, you know, he’s getting hit on every few minutes and while I usually can’t breathe for offers I’m alone all night.”

Cas couldn’t help it, something in him made the move for him, he bucked his hips as though to somehow remind the people in the story of just who was buried knot-deep in him right now. Dean groaned and Cas smiled, he loved that sound. He moved his left hand to the right side of Dean’s neck and kissed the other, using it so he could kiss his skin hard, with something to push against. His kisses dragged the skin between his teeth, nipping them.

“Anyway, she shows up and she’s eyeing me up from the minute she sits down,” Cas wasn’t sure he liked the story and he let Dean’s neck know it, “it was barely ten minutes before she stands up and starts to walk over to me. I can see Sam shift in his seat, he’s ready and so am I. And then she stopped, turned away and tossed back her drink before taking off.”

Even Cas pulled back, confused as his and Dean’s eyes met again. “She just left?” Cas asked. One part of him was thankful and the other was wondering if she was crazy.

“Yeah,” Dean said and Cas slowly lowered back to kiss Dean’s neck gently, all jealousy and possessiveness seeming to evaporate, “me and Sam got her out in the parking lot.” Dean scoffed. “Sam asked her what happened in there, once we got her in the car and started driving.” He shook his head and huffed. “She said it, right in front of Sam.”

“What?” Cas said. “What did she say?”

“She said she could smell my alpha a mile away, that everyone in the bar could,” Dean said as Cas stopped again and leaned up to look at Dean. “I got some weird questions from Sam after that.”

Cas leaned to touch his nose to Dean’s, both of them tilted his head upwards meant that their noses stroked together for a few seconds.

“Why are you telling me this?” Cas asked, his heart jumped into his throat, scared for what he might say.

Dean was silent a beat before he answered, very honestly, “I don’t know.”

“What did you tell Sam?” Cas asked, not sure what else to say and deflated by Dean’s answer, however truthful.

“I convinced him that she must have been smelling Charlie, I mean Chaz spent the night at mine before I went back to work so it could have been her I suppose but…” He shrugged. “Yeah, Sam bought it.”

“You didn’t go back to work the day after I left you?” Cas asked.

“No,” Dean said. “I didn’t the other times either. Do you?”

“No,” Cas admitted. “I always need a day to recover.” He neglected to mention that he took two. His thumb stroked over Dean’s cheek and his heart seemed to have shifted from crippling anxiety to disappointment and then back to a dangerous jump of hope in his stomach. Not just fear that maybe he felt something more for Dean than he’d admit, even to himself, but also hope that it was okay because Dean might feel something too.

But Dean wouldn’t allow himself even hope and with Cas’ words he heard what he thought that they could only be.

“Well, yeah, me too,” Dean said, in a mild panic, trying to sound casual.

“Really?” Cas asked, a smile threatening his face.

“Yeah, must be the hormones and the exercise, I’m always exhausted – I sleep the whole day,” Dean said, shrugging it off.

“Right,” Cas said, feeling the hope turn solid and fall, hitting the pit of his stomach like bile. Hard, oozing bile. “It must be emotionally and physically taxing for you,” Cas said

He looked at Dean’s lips and neck. He could see where he’d kissed, the skin almost bruised red where he’d nipped, pinched and sucked. There was an instinct or routine prematurely settled in his mind from their encounters that meant his brain was sending out instructions for him to lean down and continue where he’d left off but now his body was refusing to acknowledge them. He didn’t want to touch or kiss him, he didn’t want to be near him or for them to be stuck together. He wanted somehow to put distance between them.

He looked down and leaned on his left hand and knees as he wrapped his right hand around the base of his penis and squeezed, an exhale of discomfort following the action. He’d remembered part of a booklet he’d read some years ago that gave the advice that, if you should ever need to break apart quickly, limiting the blood supply to your penis would help reduce the swelling of an alphas knot and therefore allow the alpha to break free.

“What’re you doing?” Dean asked, looking down.

“Nothing,” Cas said, looking up again and trying to smile but it falling false on his face as he looked to the side, squeezing harder.

Dean’s eyes narrowed with annoyance. “Well, you’re doing something, Cas, I’m not blind. What is it, are you hurt?”

 _Yes_ , thought Cas, but then he pushed it away.

“No,” he said instead as he leaned back on his knees, moving his left hand to join his right and apply more pressure.

“Well, then what?” Dean asked, trying to sit up, the movement made Cas flush as his grip slipped and the blood rushed back into his knot.

“Stay there,” Cas said, pushing Dean to the bed with his right hand on Dean’s shoulder without looking while he tightened his left hand again.

Dean’s eyes were wide in mild shock – although not fear – as he looked to Cas’ hand on him and then back to Cas who was concentrating on his task. “Cas, look at me,” Dean said, his tone was somewhere between aggressive and deadpan but Cas failed to even notice he’d spoken. “Cas!” Cas’ head snapped up to Dean and saw his awkward position, squashed into the pillow, while his eyes were angry and hurt at the same time. Dean moved those eyes to his left, to indicate something, and Cas eyes moved too, to see his hand holding Dean down, and he immediately lifted his weight.

“I apologize,” he said, looking at his offending hand before he looked down, using his right hand once again on the task at hand. His theory worked, he managed to pull out of Dean who groaned in disappointed surprise. He found himself scrambling backwards on the bed – much as he had done the first time Dean had been in his own bedroom - until he was on his feet and out of the door, walking to his bedroom where he stopped in the middle of the floor and paused, his right hand over his mouth and his eyes closed.

Dean followed him with the towel held around his waist until he found his pants on the floor. “Wow,” he said and Cas turned the top half of his torso, “you could _not_ wait to get away from me.” He began roughly pulling them on while leaving the towel on the floor.

Cas turned back to the window and began fixing his own pants. “Don’t,” he said.

“Don’t? Don’t what, Cas?” Dean asked, the anger evident in his voice.

“Don’t pick an argument that isn’t there just so you have an excuse to shout or run,” Cas said. “I don’t want you to go- I- I’ve got work to catch up on.” Cas pulled his t-shirt off and went in search of a clean one, not to rid himself of Dean’s smell, he told himself.

“Bullshit,” Dean said. “You’ve got an assistant and you’re on leave: no one expects you to work.”

“Well, I like working, Dean. It keeps my head clear,” Cas said. “I can’t spend this whole week satisfying your need for confrontation as well as your heat.”

“Yeah? Don’t bother,” Dean said and sat on the bed before he looked around for his shoes, realizing he must have left them downstairs he stood up again as he spoke, “Didn’t realize I was such a burden.”

Cas rounded the bed to face Dean and pushed him back to sitting down on the edge and stood looking down at him. “You are not a burden, Dean, you just think you are! You think that everyone is doing you some favor every time they talk to you or refrain from hurting you. I’ve already told you, Dean, this isn’t a favor. This, between us, whatever it is, I enjoy it.”

“It’s sex, of course you enjoy it!” Dean dismissed, trying to get up.

Cas pushed him down again and Dean just stared up at him. “No, it’s not! It’s not sex, Dean! It’s trust and closeness and companionship.” He paused, pursed his lips and trying not to cry. “It- It’s lust, need, want. It’s reliability and dependability and a pact. It’s kindness, friendship, loyalty. It’s connection and fire and comfort, all at once. But do you know what it’s not? It’s not a one-way street, so give me a little back! One minute we’re sharing in this amazing thing together and then it’s like you have to over-compensate for it and that’s when you stamp your feet and want me to push you away so you can be justified in running. Well, go!” He gestured to the window, for no logical reason as the tears streamed down his face. “Go, if you’re going to go, Dean. Because I can’t take the emotional roller-coaster, I’m in this-” He gestured his arms wide. “Are you?”

He let his arms fall, walked to the window and looked out, refusing to wipe away his tears until Dean had left – because Cas knew he’d leave. Cas stood there, his fingers pinching his lips together, stopping himself from saying any more. He’d already said too much and he knew how close he was to letting his mouth run away with him and telling Dean even more: how _much_ he didn’t want him to go, how angry he was that they only got one week in three months and Dean spent a lot of it pushing him away and shouting at him, how one week wasn’t enough anymore, how if he was going then he wasn’t coming back because he was through listening to his emotionally stunted crap, how he could stand there and shout all day but it wouldn’t change the fact that Cas didn’t just want him there this week, he wanted him there all the time, how his life led up to the one week, how it was all he thought about now, how all he wanted was for Dean to feel the same.

And how it wasn’t until now that he really realized how important Dean was to him.

Cas was looking at the window, he saw the scene outside but he wasn’t really watching it, he saw the way the afternoon had descended, the sun low in the sky, not yet ready to start winding down for the night but tired and drooping. That was how he felt. He knew that whatever they had together wasn’t made to last. However, if Dean didn’t leave he’d go until the end, he’d shout back and give Dean the arguments he seemed to crave until the very last word was spat. He also knew that, if Dean would just hold on, then they were only about halfway through.

There were two girls across the street on their bikes and he knew they’d be called in for their dinner as soon as their mother pulled her car into the drive way, just like every day. He glanced to Mr Jacobi’s house, to the left of the Michaels family, and he knew that that man would sit out there on his porch with his coffee and bulldog until gone eleven, what exactly he was watching Cas never knew. He knew the Ricolletti’s to the right of the Michaels’ were on vacation but that Mr Michaels would go in through the backyard to check on everything and put on a lamp in the sitting room at seven. Cas even knew that there was a stray cat that roamed the neighborhood, it’s fur ginger, and it would go to every house before it would skirt behind his own to continue down the street without alerting Mr Jacobi’s bulldog before it would cross the street a few houses down and double back. Cas had fed it a few times but it had never tried to make Cas’ home its own and Cas was glad for it, he didn’t have time or energy for a pet. Right now he didn’t have time or energy for anything. But he supposed, if it meant enough then he would have made time. And he had.

He just wished that if Dean was going to leave he’d hurry up about it and put him out of his misery.

Dean looked over his shoulder at Cas and then looked to his feet on the floor. He put his hands on the pants he was wearing – the blue pajamas Cas had laid out for him, last night and the first night. He wondered how the hell he thought he’d get home in these. He then lowered his head into his hands because he knew the answer: he didn’t figure on getting home because Cas was right. Everything they did was intimate, _too_ intimate. So then he had to push Cas away, emotionally, by being a dick. He shook his head, asking himself how a man he barely knew knew him so well. But then he asked himself how true that was. Cas had told him he knew him better than anyone and he seemed to be right about knowing Dean the best too. And wasn’t that the friggin’ scariest thing since that night in the restrooms of the subway.

But all he really had to ask himself was did he want to stop this and he already knew the answer so he knew that working out his issues, at least in part, for Cas’ sake and to never have to see him cry ever again, was worth it.

Dean stood up slowly and walked, equally slowly, around the bed. Cas expected the movement to be Dean collecting his things but his body twitched in surprise as he felt Dean’s warmth behind him while his arms began to wrap around his torso, stopping to wait for Cas to let him. Cas dropped his arms and Dean continued to wrap them around his middle and rested his head on Cas’ right shoulder.

“I’m sorry, Cas,” Dean said in a whisper and Cas closed his eyes before Dean kissed his right shoulder once and waited. Cas lifted his hands to wrap his arms around Dean’s around him and he exhaled some tension. “I really am.”

Cas nodded and lifted his right hand to wipe his face quickly, not wanting to feel the tears anymore and forget why they were there in the first place but as he replaced his hand on Dean’s arm he felt the moisture and he wasn’t about to forget it easily.

>><< 

Cas’ sleep that night was a restless one and so was Dean’s. He wasn’t sure if the two were connected but it seemed that every time that he woke up Dean was wriggling around and couldn’t find a comfortable position. He’d be curled into Cas and then on his back and then he’d try to squirm away from Cas, seemingly too hot to breathe, and then he’d seek out Cas’ contact and the cycle would begin again.

Dean didn’t wake up and although he didn’t seem in need of anything Cas felt worried enough to watch him for the moments that he was awake. He was reluctant to wake him because he was going into his third day and everything would get worse from here on out and Cas knew he’d need his strength.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Cas continue their heat in Cas' house but just how much progress can they make when everything is just a little... off?

At around four in the morning Dean woke up to something cold between his legs.

“Cas?” he asked sleepily and opened his eyes to the ceiling. He looked to his right to see Cas leaned on his left side while he looked down. “What’re you doin’?” He suddenly sat up in a panic to see Cas holding a towel in his right hand and Dean saw the moonlight that managed to creep through the blind into the room illuminate the wet patches on his inner thighs. He sighed in relief and let his head hit the headboard hard.

“It’s okay,” Cas said softly.

Dean shook his head as he looked to Cas. “No, it’s not, Cas,” he said. “I can’t help it, I just jump-”

Cas dropped the towel to Dean’s left thigh and used his hand to gently take Dean’s jaw, he felt cool dampness on Cas’ fingertips on his skin. “Dean,” he raised his eyebrows, “it’s okay, really. I understand, I don’t take it personally.”

Dean swallowed. “Really?” Cas nodded and then let go of Dean’s jaw.

“I was reluctant to wake you because you need rest but the volume of lubricant coming from you was becoming a concern. At the very least I didn’t want you to wake up feeling dirty,” Cas explained and picked up the towel again. “I’m sorry if I startled you.” He gestured to it. “May I continue?”

Dean nodded. “Yeah,” he said and Cas smiled before he looked down and Dean felt the cool water on his thigh as Cas softly rubbed. “Thanks.”

Cas took the towel in his left hand, unable to move it since he was leaning on his left elbow he was merely holding it as he nudged the underside of Dean’s left knee, indicating he wanted him to lift it and therefore expose the back of his upper leg. Dean did just that and felt Cas wash that too.

“I’ll get another towel for you to lie on, stay there,” Cas said quietly and Dean nodded before Cas stood up and left the room again. When he came back the towel he’d wet and used to clean up Dean was gone. He let two towels drop to the floor beside the bed and then Dean lifted his hips to let Cas take the towel before he helped him replace it. “I brought a couple more if you need them.”

“Thanks,” Dean said and inhaled as he lay down more, pulling the towel with him as Cas walked to close the door over then rounded the bed to lie next to Dean again. “Did I wake you up?”

“No,” Cas said, settling next to him.

“Liar,” Dean said and Cas laughed once, smiling, before he looked to Dean who couldn’t help but smile too. “Why do you do this?”

“Do what?” Cas asked as he leaned on his left elbow to look at Dean.

“This,” Dean said. “This whole heat thing, with me.”

Cas felt like they were two questions and his smile fell, as did his head, before he inhaled deeply, ready for another confrontation. “Dean-”

“No, Cas,” Dean shook his head and Cas looked at him, “I’m not trying to argue, I’m just asking. I mean, you’d never been with anyone and then there was us in the gas station and then all of a sudden you’re offering to do this every single time. I come in here and I’m disrupting you’re life. You have to get leave from work, I’m pretty sure I just got you fired- Again-”

“You didn’t get me fired,” Cas argued.

“By the look of you I’ve kept you up all night. I’m eating all of your food and using all your shampoo-”

“Like I do at your place,” Cas pointed out. “Do you really think I care about any of that, Dean?” Cas said. “Dean, I can’t explain how this happened but I already told you, I enjoy it. And it’s not because it’s sex, it’s because-” He exhaled and then shrugged. He figured what was the use, he asked and so Cas was going to answer him. “I don’t know what it is, Dean. When you go home I’ll take a day to myself, not because I’m tired or whatever but because when I leave you it’s upsetting.” Dean turned a fraction towards him. “I just figured that you grew up and you went to school and you got married and got a job and that was it. I knew you had choices in life but I thought that those were the goals. But after Samandriel-”

He stopped and looked to the bed, Dean ran his hands up his own arms, feeling the chill in the air.

“After that incident I completely scratched that from my life. Work, that was all there was to occupy myself for the rest of my life. In case you haven’t noticed I don’t have many people in my life.”

Dean smiled, he would have laughed but he was too tired.

“But, it’s as if, all this time I’ve been hearing nothing but white noise and then you came along and it cleared. Yet, when you go away that white noise comes back and I need to adjust. I need time to get used to you not being there again.” He looked to Dean. “So you can eat my food and use my shampoo and keep me up all night, Dean, because it’s worth it, just to hear clearly for a little while.”

Dean found himself looking to the sheets and then to his thighs, clean if a little damp. “I don’t go back to work straight away,” Dean said, knowing that Cas knew this. “I don’t know what it is, I just assumed it was the hormones or something but,” he looked to Cas, “I hate that you’re not there. I just thought it was my heat, I thought it was some alpha-omega thing but now I’m not so sure.” He swallowed and looked away. “I mean, it might be but-” He shrugged and pulled the sheets over his legs again. “It might not be.”

Cas smiled as he watched him awkwardly try to backtrack, he pushed his right hand into the mattress to hold himself up as he lifted his left elbow from it and cupped the back of Dean’s head with his left hand, making Dean stop talking and look at him. “Do you need me to help you?”

Dean paused. “Yeah, but I’m really tired too,” he said. “Don’t know why,” he mumbled as he turned to his left to look at the clock. “Slept enough.”

“Maybe you’re not sleeping properly because you need something,” Cas suggested. “Or maybe you’re hungry.”

Dean looked to him again. “No, I’m not hungry,” he said. “I’m gonna go pee though.”

Cas nodded and Dean watched him move the sheets so he could lie down, flexing his practically dead left arm. Dean turned to his left and then stopped, he rolled back and leaned down, cupping the back of Cas’ head in his left hand as he leaned down and kissed him. When he didn’t stop and rolled over on top of him he felt Cas move the sheets to let him.

“-the bathroom?” was all Dean caught from Cas’ mumbled words.

“After,” Dean said back and kissed him again.

>><< 

Cas was the first to wake later in the morning and he jumped in the shower quickly before he left a note for Dean that he was running to the store. He’d had a thought when he was falling asleep the previous night: he had none of the heat specific products that he had taken to Dean’s apartment and Dean had come straight from work without a bag. He could also benefit from buying food that Dean would be more likely to eat.

When he came back the house was just as quiet as when he’d left it and Dean’s boots and jacket told Cas that he’d probably not woken up yet. Cas went straight ahead, through the kitchen door, it creaked because he barely used it. He stopped it with his left hand before it hit off of the door behind it that lead to the basement, something which only became habit after the first week of living there. He’d thought about turning the door around but figured the hallway was too narrow for that and he’d even considered taking it off of the frame altogether but had been advised by a woman he’d met while in the employee of the accounting firm he’d fled that most household fires happen in the kitchen, followed by the utility room and in his case the open doorway would allow it to spread quickly into the hallway and up the stairs where he may be asleep. This was the same reason that he’d left the door on the basement frame, where his machine and dryer were. Evidence of his first week in the house could still be seen in the dents in the woodwork of the basement door.

He closed the kitchen door over almost all of the way as he walked to the counter where he unpacked the food and went about making breakfast.

He took the toiletries upstairs and then came out of the bathroom with a carrier bag in his hands. He held the handles with one hand and gripping them with his other, then slid it down the bag, squeezing the air out of it in one movement.

He looked to his bedroom and put the carrier on the railing as he walked along, he didn’t notice it falling to the stairs or floating halfway down them as he pushed the door open. He found Dean wrapped up in the bed sheet with the pillow next to him pulled to his face as his body lay diagonal across the mattress. Cas walked over and sat down on the bed, looking down at his face.

He leaned down, close to Dean’s right ear. “Dean?” he said softly and kissed Dean’s cheek. “Baby?” he said, even softer before he kissed him again. Dean grunted and lifted his right arm, wrapping it heavily around Cas’ waist. Cas looked down and then smiled despite himself and leaned down again to kiss his cheek, running his left hand through Dean’s hair as he tried again, “Dean? I made food.”

Dean grunted in interest but didn’t move or open his eyes.

“Come downstairs,” Cas said.

Dean grunted in displeasure and Cas saw his brow line tighten.

Cas smiled. “Are you okay?”

Dean shrugged. “Asleep,” he said.

“Okay, I’ll leave you,” Cas said but when he made to move away Dean’s arm tightened around his waist and he grunted his displeasure again. “Are you sure you’re alright?” Cas asked, worry crossing his face while the back of his left hand went to Dean’s forehead and neck.

Dean nodded and moved closer to Cas’ side, tightening his arm more.

“We have to eat,” Cas said, his right hand in the pillow as his left stroked through Dean’s hair soothingly but Dean said nothing. “I made sandwiches.” Still nothing. “There’s bacon on them.”

Dean turned his head enough to talk. “Bacon?”

“Yes,” Cas said. “Come downstairs.”

Dean turned his head away again and said something, it was almost completely muffled by the fabric, both of Cas’ pants and the bed sheets, but Cas caught it. When Dean lifted his arm Cas got up and left the room, how could he argue when Dean had just said that he was nesting?

Dean put his right arm under the pillow and pulled it back to his face, already missing having Cas close but knowing that he would feel worse if he left the room.

Cas went down the stairs, sidestepping the carrier bag, and grabbed the plates of sandwiches while he held bottles of water under his arms and took the stairs again. He hesitated at the bottom of the stairs and then put the plates down on the steps before he walked back into the kitchen and opened his cupboards, looking around for a few seconds until he found bottles of ketchup and brown sauce. He stopped at the fridge, thinking about the mayonnaise in the fridge but then shook his head and went into the hallway. He stopped and looked at what he had with him before he leaned forward and picked up the carrier bag, putting the condiments and water in them so that he could pick up the plates and climb the stairs.

He used his hips to open the bedroom door again and Dean lifted his head to look. “If you won’t come to the bacon, then the bacon will come to you,” he said as he pushed the door over and walked to the bed.

Dean turned over on the bed and sat up against the headboard as Cas handed him one of the plates, the sandwich was much bulkier than the one Cas had in his hand, something Dean realized when Cas sat down and settled beside him.

“What’s this?” Dean gestured between them. “You trying to fatten me up?”

“No,” Cas said as he opened the bag and fished out the contents, he then let it fall to the floor beside the bed. “I’m not especially hungry and you’ll need your strength for the next few days. I purchased some eggs and other products rich in protein and iron, but since you didn’t seem to want the omelet I wasn’t sure if you liked eggs.” He shuffled his bottom on the bed and shrugged. “I wasn’t sure how much bacon you’d want, is it too much?”

“No!” Dean said, as if the mere suggestion was crazy. “But yours is less pig ‘n’ poke and more pig in a flimsy-ass t-shirt.”

“What?” Cas asked, confused.

Dean paused a beat. “You have like no bacon!” he said and opened his sandwich.

“I’m really fine,” Cas said. “I didn’t know if you wanted sauce so I brought them anyway, and water.”

“Yeah,” Dean said with an exhale before he picked up the ketchup and shook it then he opened it and squirted some on his sandwich. “Thanks for this,” he said as he tossed the ketchup bottle into the dip between them and closed his sandwich.

“Hey,” Cas said and nudged him with one of the water bottles.

Dean stopped with the action and looked to it, then his eyes moved to Cas’ who just stared at him and Dean rolled his eyes with a sigh before he took it. “Fine,” he said and took the bottle, opening it roughly and tipping his head back while he drank half of the bottle in one go while Cas looked on in mild shock. He closed the bottle as he swallowed and dumped it in the dip between them and smiled. “Happy?” he looked down at his sandwich.

“Well, I would have settled for a few sips while you ate but whatever you like,” Cas said and Dean looked at him while he bit into his bacon (‘like no bacon’) sandwich. “I don’t remember the last time I ate in bed.”

“Really?” Dean asked. “You don’t even have a dining table.” He bit into his sandwich, nearly dislocating his jaw in the process. “Where else do you eat?”

“The couch. And I do have a dining table,” Cas said and chewed. “I just don’t have the space downstairs to have it out all of the time.” He paused, not looking at Dean. “I’ll bring it out for the cheeseburgers and pie.” He bit into his sandwich, hoping Dean wouldn’t comment.

“You bought stuff for them?” Dean asked.

“Yes,” Cas said, embarrassed, and looked to his water bottle.

Dean watched him and then looked back to his plate before he took another drink of his water. “Me and Sam used to eat like this all the time when we were kids.”

“Really?” Cas asked, grateful for the change in subject.

Dean nodded, chewing with his mouth open a little, hurrying to talk. “We grew up on the road, moving from motel room to motel room. We were barely in one place for a few days, I mean, sometimes we’d end up somewhere for a couple of weeks but it wasn’t often.” He chewed again. “We got cheese on the bed when I was about nine and Dad got a charge on top of his bill and then we weren’t allowed to eat in bed again.”

Cas looked to Dean who was biting into his sandwich again. “You were nine?” he asked and Dean nodded. “That’s not fair, to punish you for something like that, you were a child.”

“It was actually Sam,” Dean said and chewed more, “but I wasn’t gonna tell Dad that, Sam was only five, I could take Dad’s temper, he couldn’t.”

“Temper?” Cas asked and Dean shrugged. “He hit you?”

“Well, yeah,” Dean said, like it was nothing, and saw Cas’ shocked face. “Not a lot!” Dean defended. “Just when we did something that pissed him off, like anything that cost him money or time, or embarrassed him. You know what kids are like.” He seemed to nod to himself. “And when he was drunk it was worse. He had a go at Sam for busting his jeans when we were playing soccer with some of the British kids at the hotel across the street. But I didn’t really understand when he had a go at him for outgrowing the new ones.” He turned his head to Cas but didn’t look at him. “He can’t help getting taller, can he?” He shook his head, answering himself and then broke himself out of his thought and glanced to Cas before he looked back to his sandwich and cleared his throat. “Anyway, long time ago.”

“We used to have breakfast in bed on Saturdays,” Cas said, trying to take Dean’s mind off of it. “Mama used to work on Sundays,” he explained.

“Oh, yeah?” Dean said and Cas nodded, he looked to Dean when he heard a little laugh and Dean looked to him. “Just imagining little Cas and his two moms getting food everywhere without worrying.”

Cas looked back down to his sandwich. “I’m sorry that you didn’t have that, Dean.”

Dean swept a hand in the air. “No, that’s not what I meant, Cas. I just like the idea that, instead of not having breakfast in bed on Sundays you moved it to Saturdays. That you didn’t have to think about food on the sheets and they taught you all about heats.” He smiled. “You hear horror stories about the kid system and I’m glad yours panned out the way it did.” He used his tongue to move a piece of bacon from his teeth. “We had Bobby to keep us from that.”

“Who?” Cas asked as he came to the end of his sandwich.

“Our uncle,” Dean said and shrugged. “Well,” he added, “my dad’s friend. He adopted me and Sam when Dad died, I was still a minor and couldn’t take custody of Sam so he took us, stopped us going through that.” He nodded. “Bobby was good people.”

“How did he die, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“He was shot on a hunt,” Dean said and nodded. “He fell into a coma and then didn’t wake up.”

“It seems like being a bounty hunter is a dangerous job,” Cas said.

Dean tilted his head. “I don’t think of it as a job, don’t know many others that do either, it’s more like a life. Everything we do revolves around it. Charlie has a top of the line security system in her house, Ash used to live in the back room of Ellen’s bar-” He paused to take a drink. “But that went up in flames and now he lives on the road.” He thought about it. “Ellen and Jo live at the bunker too, it’s the only place they feel safe now and I don’t blame ‘em.”

“What is this bunker you keep talking about?” Cas asked.

“It’s like an underground bunker, it used to be some war plan for prominent FBI agents but the location was leaked during the Second World War when a German agent infiltrated the FBI so a group of vigilantes bought it. They thought that the government wasn’t up to surviving the war, way they saw it if spies could infiltrate the FBI then no one could be trusted. They intended to round up German spies and torture them for information.” Dean took the last bite of his sandwich.

“They intended too?” Cas asked and Dean nodded, chewing. “But they never did?” Dean pointed to his mouth as he chewed and Cas reddened a little and took a drink.

“The group was quite popular among folks who didn’t think the government was kosher anymore so when the local cops raided the place the people that had been held there wouldn’t say anything.” Cas raised his eyebrows. “They had too much belief that the group would get spies that they didn’t want the law shutting it down. In the end the cops tried to get them on illegal gambling laws but it was thrown out, too much going on at the time to try to build a case that would probably be dismissed anyway.” He burped into his hands and Cas watched him throw it out to the side. “But the cops told them that they’d keep coming back, that they didn’t have badges so they weren’t allowed to run wild.” Dean shrugged. “After that there was a plan to somehow become some new faction of the police, I don’t know how they thought they’d manage it but anyway, the bunker was seized in the nineties for human trafficking. Somehow the plan went from killing Nazis to smuggling Jews and then once the war was over they smuggled everything from Mexicans to criminals.”

Cas looked away and exhaled before he looked back to Dean confused. “But then how did you end up there?”

Dean looked to him and then realization dawned on his face. “Oh!” he said and chuckled. “My grandad bought it at an FBI auction of all things, some cuckoo retirement plan meet Y2K and when Dad died we had to go through papers he had at his storage unit and Sam found this deeds thing. We looked into it and found the place.”

“And you turned it into a sanctuary for agents?” Cas asked.

“Not at first,” Dean said. “At first it was just me and Sam, it was a way for him to keep his work out of his personal life and then when Jess died it was somewhere else for him to go. But in our line of work you’ll always have to work with other hunters, some are better than others. Some I never want to see again and some end up like family. It’s become like a burrow for the weird family we’ve pulled together.”

Cas smiled. “Sounds great,” he said.

“Yeah, I guess it is,” Dean said, pausing as some memories passed through his mind of times in there. Then his smile fell as less happy memories popped into his head and he lowered his head to look at his empty plate and rubbed his hands together over it, trying to brush off imaginary crumbs. “So, did you get a new office?”

“Yes,” Cas said.

Dean waited and then raised his eyebrows. “And?” Cas just waited. “What’s it like, the office, the new job?” He gestured to himself. “Talk to me.”

“Oh,” Cas said and hesitated, thinking about it. “Well, the office is bigger, it was quite depressing with grey walls and glass everywhere but Becky brightened it up.”

“Becky?” he asked.

“My assistant,” Cas clarified.

“Oh, how’d she do that?” Dean asked, drinking more water.

“While my interests are mostly singular Becky’s are… unconventional,” Cas said.

“Right…” Dean said and leaned in. “You got gimp masks on your wall or somethin’?”

“What?” Cas said. “No!” He just stared as Dean shrugged. “There’s a lot of pink and flowers,” he said.

“Oh!” Dean said. “It’s your office, not hers, tell her to take her crap home.”

“Actually, I quite like it,” Cas said. “It was dull before, now there’s a very educational poster about honey bees on the wall.”

Dean rolled his eyes in disbelief. “Well, whatever floats your boat,” he said and rubbed his stomach, wiping his forehead with the back of his head quickly. “And your boss, what’s he like?”

Cas took Dean’s plate and put it on the floor, along with the bottles and condiments as he spoke, “I wish you would ask me for help, Dean, we can talk about my work later.”

“I know,” Dean said. “I just-” His shoulders barely lifted. “I don’t get a lotta chances to just talk to someone, especially you, and when I do it’s usually work stuff.”

Cas put the back of his left hand to Dean’s forehead and found it hot. “We’ll continue this, I promise,” he said. “Okay?”

Dean just slowly nodded and Cas leaned to kiss the left side of Dean’s neck whose eyes closed as Cas shifted under the sheets and rolled on top of him.

>><< 

Dean and Cas were on the couch laughing at a film Dean had insisted they watch with dinner, which they’d finished.

“What is this called again?” Cas asked.

“Monty Python and the Holy Grail,” Dean said and then laughed again. “Sam didn’t really get it.”

“I’m not sure I get all of it either,” Cas said.

“Still more than Sam,” Dean said and smiled when Cas laughed again.

Cas looked to him and they held the other’s gaze for a few seconds before Dean looked away to the screen. “So, how is this job different from the one you did before?”

Cas took a few seconds to realize what Dean meant and then he inhaled before he answered, “It’s not so different I guess, I have a lot more responsibilities, I have a lot more contact with clients and those working at my previous level sometimes have to come to me for confirmation of certain factors before they can get on with their job.”

Dean chuckled. “That must be awkward,” he said and Cas looked confused. “Well, I mean, I bet you all pissed and moaned about having to do that before and now you’re one of them.” He shrugged. “You must feel like people who used to be your friends are talking about you.”

Cas smiled a little as he picked up his half-drunk coffee cup and held it with both hands. “I wouldn’t say that.”

“Why not?” Dean asked. Cas didn’t answer. “Oh, come on,” Dean said.

Cas looked at him and saw the rise in his eyebrows. “I wouldn’t say they were friends before, just people I work with.”

Dean hesitated. “Well, yeah, but you must have hung out after work?” Cas just stared at his cup. “What about work nights out?” Nothing. “Christmas bash?” Nothing again. “You had your boss here?”

Cas nodded. “It is necessary to maintain an amicable relationship with him to keep my job,” he said.

Dean narrowed his eyes and then looked to the TV as they softened. “Oh,” he said. “I get it.”

Cas looked to him. “What? What do you get?”

“It sounds like you don’t have anyone in your life who doesn’t benefit you in some way,” Dean said and shifted on the couch, inching more to the arm rest on his left.

Cas watched the movement. “That’s not it at all,” he reached forward and put his cup down, ignoring the fact that he hadn’t drunk from it.

Dean closed his eyes as he turned to look at Cas, then slowly opening as he spoke, “No?”

“No,” Cas said. “I don’t have people in my life because I don’t know how to deal with them.” He sighed. “Like I told you, I’ve isolated myself for so long that my ‘people skills’ are ‘rusty’.” He sighed again as he let his hands drop after the air quotes.

Dean considered the movements. “Why do I get the feeling that someone told you that?”

Cas nodded. “My therapist,” he said. “That is her opinion, whereas I am of the opinion that it is quite the opposite, I am isolated because I have no people skills.”

Dean shrugged as he leaned forward in his seat to pick up his opened, nearly empty beer. “I wouldn’t say that,” he said as he leaned back slowly and took a drink.

“No?” Cas asked.

Dean looked to him. “Well, I’m here, aren’t I?” he asked.

“A fact I still have no explanation for,” Cas admitted.

“Have you looked in the mirror?” Dean said, looking at the TV and taking another drink.

“That implies that you are here because you find my physically attractive rather than anything I have said or done,” Cas pointed out. “Which would have no relation to my people skills.”

Dean glanced to his face and then his throat, seeing marks from where he’d sucked earlier and plain white skin where he knew he’d bite later and then he looked back to Cas’ face before turning to the TV. “You know that’s not true,” Dean said.

“Do I?” Cas asked.

Dean looked to him. “You should,” he said immediately.

Again they held the other’s stare for a few seconds before Dean looked back to the TV.

“Besides, what’s wrong with being told you’re hot?” Dean said.

Cas shrugged. “Nothing,” he said. “It’s just that I’m not used to it, I’m sure you’ve heard it enough.”

Dean looked over to Cas who was watching the TV now rather than Dean. “First time from you,” Dean said.

Cas shook his head. “No it’s not,” he said and looked to Dean who looked to the side, confusion on his face showing that he was trying to remember the last time. “I didn’t say it with words,” Cas offered and when Dean looked back to him he looked away.

Dean’s face remained tight for a few seconds before he decided to drop it and shook his head a little. Cas confused him and he had a feeling that taking the conversation further would only confuse him more. He didn’t have the energy for it. Especially since he felt it coming again.

“Yeah well,” Dean said and sat forward, putting his bottle on the table again as he stood. He walked passed Cas who watched him as he left the room. Cas watched, thinking he’d said something wrong, he looked to the table and then where Dean had been sitting, trying to figure it out. That’s when Dean’s right hand rested on the door-frame as he stuck his head around it again and when he spoke Cas turned to look at him. “I gotta drag you upstairs on somethin’?” Dean asked and then disappeared again.

Cas stood, leaving the TV on and went to the doorway to see Dean walking up the stairs, everything looked normal if it weren’t for the slight dark patch on the back of his pants and the fact that he was using both hands on the handrail to pull himself up. Cas followed him but made no attempt to help him, he wouldn’t appreciate it right now.

>><< 

Dean was in the shower later that night coated in the heat shower gel; he hated to admit it but it did help, he didn’t feel so rough and dry after the countless showers he’d had and when he got into the bedroom he’d put the moisturizer on which would help him until the next shower. Cas suggested he was perhaps washing too much but even though Dean knew he was scrubbing to within an inch of bone he didn’t feel clean without it, maybe it would take a while to get used to having his stuff all over him for a week but Dean didn’t think he’d ever make his peace with it, he felt disgusting.

He switched the water off once he’d washed the soap off and then turned, stepping out of the shower cubicle and reaching for a towel. As he did his body jerked, a twinge of lust running down his legs. He had to grab the edge of the sink as his knees gave way and he almost ended up head-butting it until he tensed his neck at the last moment and his forehead hit the backs of his hands.

Dean stopped, exhaling and then he halted his breathing when he fell something slide from him and he looked down, between his legs, where his own liquid dripped from him. He closed his eyes and bared his teeth in frustration.

“Dammit!” he cursed within the room.

He decided that he didn’t have a choice but to go back into the shower and that only meant standing up, turning around and stepping back into the cubicle. So he took a deep breath, at which point he realized how shallow and quick he’d been breathing. He tried to force a long exhale but he cut it short to inhale, biting back a groan as he felt another twinge run up his spine.

“Shit,” he muttered to himself, trying to flex his legs and put some strength back into them. However, when another twinge ran down his legs again, leaving heat on his spine, he shook his head and let his forehead rest on his hands for a second before he leaned it back. “Cas!” he shouted and then rested it again, cursing under his breath.

He heard footsteps on the stairs and then laughed under his breath when those footsteps kept going to the bedroom. Cas stopped, pushing the door over to see nothing. He walked in and, fearing the worst, looked at the floor on the other side of the bed. When he saw nothing he looked to the door again.

“In the bathroom,” Dean said, loud enough for Cas to hear him without shouting.

The door opened and Cas’ head came around the door. “Dean,” he said and stepped in, leaning down beside him. “What’s wrong?”

“It hit me as I was getting out of the shower and now I don’t think I can get back up,” Dean said.

“Okay,” Cas said. “Let me get you into bed.” Cas put his right arm around Dean’s back.

Dean lifted his left arm to put around Cas’ neck. “Just get me in the shower,” Dean argued as Cas stood up, supporting Dean’s weight.

“You need me to help you,” Cas said while he looked at Dean’s feet, waiting for him to be steady and trying to ignore what was on his still wet thighs. He tightened his jaw and ground his teeth a little. He could barely see because of the smell but he tried to recite the poster about honeybees in his head.

“I _need_ to wash this stuff off of my skin,” Dean spat back and looked down, when Cas looked he saw it slowly, even though it was thick, trailing down his inner thighs in a thin line. “It’s disgusting.” He sighed as he put his right arm back in preparation for Cas to turn him.

“No,” Cas said and Dean looked to him, his hand stopped in midair, never finding the cubicle. “It’s not disgusting.” He inhaled and looked away briefly while he tried to stop his breathing in the vein attempt to stop smelling it.

Dean looked down again, then behind him to finally put his hand on the cubicle. “You don’t have it pouring for you the minute you get out of the shower,” Dean countered.

“No,” Cas conceded, “but you don’t smell it like I do.”

Dean looked to him. Cas had his eyes closed and swallowed hard before he opened them, he glanced to Dean as if he’d forgotten he was there and he’d just been caught out. He flushed from embarrassment and pursed his lips together as he looked away.

Dean’s eyebrows dipped in some instinctual self-loathing suspicion that he was lying. “You don’t act like-”

“I’m a good actor,” Cas said, closing his eyes tight in further shame. “Stop looking at me like that.”

“Like what?” Dean asked.

“Like- I don’t know, just stop looking at me. I know it’s ridiculous but I can’t help it,” Cas said. “I can always smell you, it comes from your skin but it’s not as potent as- as-” He hung his head briefly and there was a rumble in his throat that he managed to clear away.

Dean watched him and when another buzz went up his spine and down his legs at the same time he knew it had nothing to do with his heat but what he was witnessing. When he felt it fall from between his legs he didn’t even blink.

“Stop acting, Cas,” Dean said and swallowed himself as Cas looked to him. “For the love of God, stop acting and slam me against a wall.”

Cas stared at him and Dean raised his eyebrows, irritated. “Dean-” He began.

Dean moved his right hand to Cas’ shoulder and gripped it, shaking him a little. “Do it, Cas, come on!”

“Dean, I told you, you might not like getting what you wish for,” Cas said, his jaw set, trying to hold in the growl threatening to escape, he had the absurd notion that if he let it go then his control would go with it.

“And I told you, slam me against a wall and fuck me, Cas.” Cas straightened up a little. “Do it like we both know you want to.”

Cas turned in the bathroom, his arm still around Dean's back as he lead him from the bathroom and into the hallway. Dean went but kept looking to him for an indication of what was happening. Cas helped Dean along to his bedroom and helped him to sit on the edge of the bed. When Dean reached for Cas' neck Cas pushed his hand away and left the room. He came back with towels and moisturizer. He helped Dean stand and had Dean lean on him while he dried him.

"So no wall?" Dean asked eventually.

"No wall," Cas said and Dean nodded to himself.

When Cas reached for the moisturizer Dean took it himself and waved his free hand in the air. "Go, go back to whatever you were doing," Dean said.

"You need my help," Cas said.

"Well, I don't want it," Dean said and Cas felt hurt for the first time in a long time.

It wasn't what Dean had said but rather the calmness he had said it with. No anger, no irrational argument. Just truth.

"Right," Cas said and nodded before he turned away. "I'll leave you then." He walked towards the door.

"You do that," Dean said. 

Cas closed the door behind him and closed his eyes, inhaling deeply. He didn't understand why it was so important to Dean that he let go, since he was so afraid of alphas, but he also didn't know why he felt unable to.

 

Dean didn't leave Cas' room all night and he was in and out of sleep at first and then it felt more like unconsciousness. He was awake when he heard Cas tiptoe up the stairs at around two in the morning and go into the bathroom. Dean almost choked on the relief he felt, knowing Cas would be close soon. He was becoming aware of the mess between his legs but he just wanted Cas to clean him up and make him feel better. He wasn't even sure if he'd ever be able to stand up without Cas' help anywhere, his limbs didn't feel like they were under his control.

However it was short-lived because when Cas came out of the bathroom and he heard the door to the spare room close.

Dean rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling. "Crap," he said to himself for want of screaming in frustration and wiped his hair from his forehead where it had gotten stuck from sweat.

He groaned in disgust when he felt more of his own fluid touch his thighs, he figured it was all over the bed by now but what could he do. Cas didn't want him, not really. He might have sex with him and touch him but just once Dean wanted him not to be able to help himself. Of course there was a line and he didn't want Cas to be anywhere near crossing it like some alphas would, but to see Cas give in to him, to see him lose it to Dean, was something he couldn’t explain wanting. It wasn't some sick kink with being afraid because Cas couldn't scare him, no matter how much he lost it Dean knew that all he'd have to do was say one word and Cas would stop, because Cas _could_ stop. Maybe that was it. He guessed that was it, that it was the way to finally explain the shit-storm in his head, like when the gear shifts right in a manual car or when your breathing and firing lines up perfect and the bullet doesn't fire, it sails. All he knew was he couldn't take lying there anymore, it wasn't like he was even getting any sleep.

It took Dean a few minutes but he managed to push himself up on shaking arms and then Dean stood up. He put his left arm out to the wall to catch himself as he swayed. He waited a moment before he stumbled to the door of the bedroom and stopped, exhaling hard while he felt hot slick on his thighs and between his buttocks where it had trailed down as he'd turned over. He felt sticky and gross but it didn't matter because he needed Cas, more than that, he had to explain or at least try to. He yanked the door inward and grabbed the banister as soon as he stepped out, the sweat on his palms made him slide a little and his right hand shot out to the wall to compensate. He made for the spare room. He got to the door and fell against it with a groan, it knocked against its hold with his weight but when he pushed the handle down it gave way and he stumbled inside, almost falling.

Cas sprang up in the bed, having been on his side facing the door, and pushing himself towards that edge of the bed. "Dean, what's-?" he stopped as soon as the potency of the smell hit him and he swallowed before he retreated onto the bed.

Dean closed the door and leaned against the wall, trying to catch his breath, his eyes closed he didn't see Cas' reaction. It had only been visible due to the fact he hadn’t been expecting Dean to come to him and therefore his guard was down.

"I uh-" He exhaled. "I need to explain-"

"No, you don't," Cas said.

"I do," Dean said.

"You don't," Cas disagreed. "Your body is your own, whatever the circumstances you never need to explain what you want done to it, or not done to it."

"But it's _you_ ," Dean argued.

"It doesn't matter who it is," Cas said. "Whether it's someone you've just met or known forever, whether they've never touched you before or a thousand times. If someone is touching you when you change your mind you still don't need to explain. Your body is yours."

Dean looked at him and then stumbled forwards before he leaned forward, putting his hands on the edge of the bed and falling to his knees on the floor.

"Cas, I don't know what this thing I have is, where I want you to let go. You'd think with everything the last thing I'd want is an alpha acting like an alpha-"

"You've said as much to me," Cas said. "When I let my mouth run away with me."

"Exactly!" Dean said. "Alphas scare the living shit out of me." He reached for Cas with his right hand and Cas watched him put his hand on Cas' right thigh. "You don't." 

"I know I don't," Cas said. "I'm not scared of alphas, I'm scared of myself." He couldn’t take his eyes off of Dean’s hand; it gripped him but not tightly, more reassuringly and Cas wondered if he was trying to reassure Cas or himself. His hand was damp but his arms were gleaming with sweat. Cas idly wondered why the backs of your hands never seemed to sweat and yet the palms and forearms did. However, he was distracted from the question as soon as it popped into his head, it been dispersed with the cloud of distressed leather and burning rubber he was breathing in.

"I get that," Dean said. "You are the most controlled, uptight alpha I've ever known or heard of. I didn't know alphas could get everything even a little in check never mind the way you have. And I think that's what it is."

"What what is?" Cas said.

"I think that's why the idea of you acting like- like an alpha isn't so scary, because it’s you. I feel like how I did when I was a horny kid watching those pornos. Because I know that if you pushed me against wall or into a mattress or called me whatever, it'd be different." 

Cas studied Dean. "I've been so scared or taking advantage of an omega who never actually wanted it."

"But _I_ did," Dean said. "I _do_. I'd never let you touch me if I didn't, I don't care what my body is doing."

"I know," Cas said. "You proved that earlier." Dean looked down guiltily. "And you're proving it now." Dean heard a sniff and he looked up to see Cas staring at him, the light from the window casting a strange mask over half of his face, making his stare almost unnerving. If it hadn't been Cas.

"So are you," he said. "Coming in here. I'm in heat and in your bed."

"That doesn't make you my property," Cas said.

"No," Dean agreed and pushed himself to standing, with great difficulty, it took him a few tries. Cas never moved to help him, content to let him prove to himself that he could. He'd reached out to Cas for help before and it ended in him alone in bed so he'd be reluctant to accept it now.

"Just to clarify,” Cas started, “because I can control myself at any given moment you want me to let go?" Cas asked and Dean stumbled as he looked at him. "You want me to lose control with you because you know that, if need be, I could snap back to it at any moment?"

"Yeah, I think so," Dean said and nodded. "And you're scared because the fact that we're even doing this feels like you've started to lose control already, which you only did because you know a hundred percent that I want you way more than I need you and if at any point that isn't true I have no problem pushing you away. Right?" 

"Right," Cas said.

"Good to sort that out," Dean said as he walked away. "Are you coming to bed or not?"

"Does it turn you on?" Cas asked and Dean stopped, there was a rumble to Cas’ voice that hadn’t been there before.

"What?" Dean asked.

Cas slowly moved his legs and leaned on his arms so that he could crawl to the edge of the bed and stand, in the shadow he looked like a spider crawling towards its prey. "Does it turn you on?" Cas asked again.

"Does what turn me on?" Dean asked as he turned his head to the left a little, leaning his right hand on the wall to steady himself.

"The thought of being thrown up against the wall and fucked?" Cas asked, his voice lowering as he took a step closer. "To have someone look at you, smell you and be able to do nothing other than have you... Right there?"

Dean nodded, closing his eyes.

"I didn't hear you," Cas said.

"I said yeah, it does," Dean said. "For years the idea made me feel sick, the thought of just being used like that, like-"

"Like what?" Cas asked, taking another step, the light moving from his face and throwing him in the shadow. His own shadow was on the floor at his feet and up the back of Dean's legs.

"Like a good little omega," Dean said, mouth snarling with distaste.

"What about now?" Cas asked. "It turns you on now to think of being a good-" he stepped forward again. "-little-" again. "Omega?" Again. He was right behind Dean now, his body completely shielding Dean's from light.

"No," Dean said. "It turns me on to think of _you_ thinking that and doing those things," he added. "Because to you I'm not a possession or a toy or just any omega. I'm-"

Cas turned Dean quickly with one movement and pushed him against the wall. He leaned his face close to Dean's and Dean could feel his breath on him - hot and erratic.

"You're Dean," Cas said and Dean nodded before Cas dipped and, again in one movement, picked him up, bumping him against the wall. He didn't stop before he leaned to kiss Dean's neck and pushed inside.

Dean moaned out in surprise as his arms wrapped around Cas' shoulders and then his moan turned to a relieved groan. He felt Cas tighten his grip on Dean's legs before he pulled him down to his thrusts, his soaked back rubbing on the wall. 

Cas didn't stop, he kept pushing inside with an aggressive pace bordering on becoming brutal.

"Don't stop," Dean said, inhaling sharply and gripping Cas' shoulders tighter. 

"I won't," Cas said in Dean's ear, Dean heard him grunt at the end before he kissed the skin in front of Dean's ear. "Say it again."

Dean moaned. "Don't- Stop-" He opened his mouth as he heard Cas groaning in his throat. And then a low level growl before he pushed in harder than ever before and started coming to the sound of Dean whimpering.

Both of their breathing was heavy and neither said anything for a minute or two.

"You stopped," Dean said.

"I came," Cas said. "Unexpectedly."

Dean chuckled breathlessly. "You have got to start cleaning the pipes."

"I apologize," Cas said. "I wasn't prepared for what happened."

"It's fine," Dean said and clapped his back twice. "I'm just relieved you did something, I was on the verge of a coma."

Dean felt Cas step back from the wall only to wrap his arms around Dean's lower back and pull him close. "Don't joke about that," Cas said, remembering the first heat. Cas pressed his lips to Dean's cheek and kissed him before he rested there, Dean could still hear his breathing.

"I hate to tell you this," Dean said, "but your sheets are a mess."

Cas laughed breathlessly and tightened his arms before he lifted Dean from the wall and turned around walking to the queen bed he had been asleep on.

"I'll deal with them in the morning," Cas said as he turned and sat on the edge of his bed. Dean put his knees either side and lifted a little, holding himself up with his arms on Cas' shoulders.

Cas lifted his right hand and ran his fingers through Dean's hair at the back of his head before he cupped his head and looked at him. "Are you alright?" 

"Yeah," Dean said with a nod and a dry swallow. "Just too sensitive right now to sink down."

"Do you think you'll be okay in this bed tonight?" Cas asked.

"Yeah, why?" Dean asked, confused. "Hate to break it to ya but uh-" he pointed down, between them. "You're in it with me." Cas smiled and Dean's smile fell. "Unless you’re gonna pull that lasso trick and run away from me again," he said.

"No," Cas said and shook his head, "I'll be here with you, if you want me to." Dean just looked at him. "Of course I want to," Cas said. "But if you wanted to be alone I'd respect that."

"So why wouldn't the bed be okay?" Dean asked.

"It's not where I usually sleep, the only scent on it would be from lying here now. It won't do as much to comfort you as my actual bed would." Cas leaned and kissed under Dean's jaw at his right side.

"Yeah, but you have your scent, don't you?" Dean said. "Won't that be enough?"

"Yes," Cas said, "but if I get up in the night or go downstairs in the morning then you'll be very aware of the effect."

"Then-" Dean said, letting himself slowly lower, feeling Cas pull his skin between his teeth as he kissed him. "Don't go-" Dean gasped when Cas thrust up and completed the move for him. "Anywhere," he finished.

"I won't," Cas said and let his lips drag over Dean's skin as he moved up to kiss Dean's lips.

Cas reached his left hand out and scrambled for the sheets which he pulled down as much as he could, his hand hitting Dean's leg, causing Dean to open his eye and look but then he closed it again while Cas moved his left hand to Dean's leg, lifting it so Dean would unfold it and then pull his foot around his back. Then Cas turn them towards the bed, lying Dean down on the pillow and using his right hand to push the sheet under Dean's buttocks and then his own knees. When he'd finished he managed to get them over his legs and Dean helped him pull them up his back.

"You know-" Dean began, all the way through talking he was interrupting their kissing, however briefly. "You coulda- Just- stopped- kissing- me-"

Cas just shook his head, humming twice in the negative in his throat.

"Been- easier-" Dean said.

Cas didn't answer that time, he just lifted his right hand back to cup Dean's face and deepened the kiss.

"You wanted- me- to let- go," Cas said in similar interruptions. 

"This- is that?" Dean asked.

"We'll see-" Cas managed, feeling scared of just what they'd discover together, because Cas had no idea what letting go would be like.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've only proof-read half of this, I apologise for any mistakes!

Cas finished in the shower later that morning and wrapped a towel around his waist. He walked passed an empty spare room, freshly made up, and walked into his room. The bed was fresh too but the pillow cases had been the ones they'd slept with in the other room. This would ease the transition of sheets until the end of Dean's heat.

Not that Cas wanted to think about that.

He dressed quickly in loose jogging pants and a t-shirt and went downstairs still rubbing a towel into his hair. He stepped into the living area and found Dean in the kitchen filling the sink to soak the frying pan and other utensils he’d used and Cas looked at him as he dumped the towel in the laundry basket he'd placed in front of the basement door because it was full. The sheets were on top.

Cas swallowed, remembering the way he'd lost it the night before. And how'd he'd never felt so good. He stood there, knowing he'd normally keep his distance, even at this stage of Dean's heat where Cas' balls should be swelling and he should be smelling Dean from upstairs. Then he remembered he didn't have to keep his distance or know the states anymore. Dean didn't want him to.

"Morning Sunshine," Dean said over his shoulder. "Made bacon and eggs." Cas walked towards him. "Not sure if you like scram- Whoa!" Dean stopped as Cas pushed against his back, kissed the side of his neck and let his hands sit on Dean's hips. "Hey," Dean said, slightly confused.

"Hello," Cas said, using his right hand to run along the edge of Dean's pajama pants and then press against his stomach, moving the t-shirt out of the way.

"I didn't expect you to be-" Dean inhaled in surprise as Cas' hand dipped into his pants and stroked him. 

"What, baby?" Cas asked against his neck.

"Uh..." Dean said, a faint moan leaving his throat in a whisper as he began to harden and a hand reached out haphazardly to hit the faucet to stop it. "Um-"

"What you said about letting go-"

"Yeah," Dean said, conceding that that would go a long way to explain what was going on. 

"You've just cooked," Cas said and then moved to Dean's ear as he stroked, "and all I can smell is you." Dean closed his eyes feeling liquid run from him. He felt Cas smile again this ear. "That turn you on?" He had to hum in question before Dean nodded. Cas pulled Dean's waistband away from his hips at the back with his left hand and let it snap back. "How'd you feel about cold bacon?"

"Yeah," Dean said, nodding, already breathless.

Cas pulled the pants down at the back and cupped Dean's left buttock all the while continuing to stroke him. His hand lifted from Dean’s cheek so that he could pull his own pants down at the front, pulling his penis out and squeezing it into life, to which he had to devote a bit longer than he expected to have to before he could push on the middle of Dean's back. When Dean lowered to the sink, his left hand plunging into the water he hissed little and Cas figured it must be hot. He stopped. 

"I- I'm sorry-" He began to pull his hand from Dean's pants but Dean's right caught it in a grip, keeping it exactly where it was.

"Don't you dare," he said. "This is the most wound up you've had me since this heat started. Fuck me against this unit." Cas paused. "Now, Cas."

Cas didn’t need to be asked twice, he moved his hand back around Dean's dick and pushed his own into Dean who'd leaned forward of his own accord. He heard Dean gasp and then groan low in his throat, his hand still in the water.

"Are you sure?" Cas asked.

"Ye- yes," Dean breathed, his head hanging.

Cas didn't wait around for further confirmation: he let his hips do their job, pushing into Dean steadily to begin with and picking up the speed as he gained confidence.

He heard Dean groan and whimper, sometimes it was muffled when he tried to bite his lip, sometimes it was clearer as his mouth fell open; the dishes on the drying rack rattled and the water in the sink sloshed as Dean's arm bent with the movements. Cas didn't stop moving his hips, hand or lips - he thrust into him, pumped his dick and breathed into Dean's ear.

Over fifteen minutes in Dean was a mess, literally: his thighs were covered in slick, his shirt sleeve had unrolled and was dipped in the water and sweat rolled down his forehead, back and (as much as he wouldn't admit it) his crack.

Cas was gleaming with sweat too, his hand cramping and his jaw tight, neither his hips of hand had relented the whole time.

"Did you masturbate in the shower?" Cas asked, wondering why Dean hadn’t come yet.

"Did _you_?!" Dean hit back in a hurried breath, not sure he could take anymore. "Cas-"

Dean choked on his breath when Cas pushed in harder and spoke in his ear, "What were you thinking of?"

"Last night," Dean said without hesitation. 

Cas groaned and sped up. "Me?"

"Who else?" Dean said.

That was enough to push Cas towards the edge because _who else_ was right. Who else would fuck Dean like this? No one. No one had fucked Dean at all except him. Dean was masturbating in the shower over him, no one else.

Cas dragged his lips over the skin of Dean’s ear, trying to hold on a little bit longer, he wanted them to come together. He chuckled arrogantly, low in his throat, before he whispered, “Me too.”

Dean pushed back against Cas and that was it, he let his head go heavy against Cas’ and his left hand shot up from Dean’s hip to hold under his jaw. Dean balled his hands into a fist, his right pushing against the wall in front of him and his left gripping the utensil he had in his hand, whatever it was. His mouth opened against Cas’ grasp, making Dean tip his head back, and when he moaned it was a spurt of release which progressed into a drawn out groan while he came. His hips pushed back in slow rolls.

Cas could smell something he didn’t like and he felt threatened, it smelled like smoke, much like after extinguishing a match but on a grander scale. Fire, it smelled like a forest fire, pine, destruction and dead animals. He snarled and ran his teeth along Dean’s throat, pushing into him harder, letting himself come finally, his left hand around Dean’s jaw tightening just a little too tight.

Dean however, was too busy recovering to notice much. His head was still tipped back for a few seconds before he let it go, with the view of letting it fall to Cas’ shoulder but Cas’ grip stopped him. When Cas realized what Dean had tried to do he pushed him back to his shoulder gently and held him there while he kissed his neck, nipping it and pulling away only to bare his teeth in discomfort before he kissed him again.

The doorbell rang and Dean exhaled but Cas didn’t even flinch.

“Expecting company?” Dean asked.

“No,” Cas said.

“What’s-?” Dean tried to lift his head and was stopped. “Cas, let go,” Dean said but Cas didn’t hear him. “Cas, hon?” Dean asked and put his right hand up to cup Cas’ face, it seemed to break him from some kind of spell and his head whipped back from Dean’s neck. “Can you let my face go?”

It was a second before Cas mentally traced his left hand and realized what Dean meant. “Sorry,” Cas said and slowly let him go, Dean lifted his head. “I’m sorry,” he said again and turned his head to the door when his doorbell was rang again.

“What’s wrong?” Dean asked.

Cas continued to stare at the door, he could still smell destruction and something burning but he wasn’t sure what it was. “Do you smell burning?” he asked.

He heard Dean inhale through his nose hard and then shake his head. “No,” he said.

“I smell burning,” Cas said. “And I felt threatened.” He looked back to Dean. “Whoever that is is another alpha and I don’t like it.” He turned back to look at the door.

Around the window of Cas’ living area that faced the street over the porch were floor-length beige grommet top drapes, they looked like the kind that estate agents might put in and Dean wondered, as he followed Cas’ eye to the window, if Cas left the decor the way it was when he bought it and then, when he updated it, merely bought the same things. In front of those drapes was a thick net curtain that covered the whole window and would stop someone seeing in as far as the kitchen, especially with how dark the room was.

A figure appeared at the window as Cas and Dean looked and Dean’s blood ran cold. Cas’ boiled.

“You said she wouldn’t come back,” Dean said, sounding scared.

“I didn’t think she would,” Cas said, already reaching down to deprive his knot of blood. “Don’t be scared,” he glanced to Dean as he said it.

“I’m not,” Dean said.

“I’ll protect you,” Cas said.

“Damn right you will,” Dean said, nodding, not in agreement or encouragement but in instruction.

Cas managed to pull free as she tried to look inside and Cas pulled Dean’s pants up before he fixed his own, aware that Dean was double-tying his pants.

“I’ll kill her,” Cas growled to himself.

Dean raised his eyebrows in surprise as Cas made to walk away and grabbed his arm. Cas turning to him. “Don’t go that far,” Dean said. “Don’t start on the offensive or you’ll never get anywhere.” Cas looked over his face. “Don’t let her know she riles you or she’s won.” He shrugged. “Even if it is hot.”

Cas’ eyes narrowed to Dean, his gaze lingering before he looked away and Dean let his arm go when Cas took a deep breath and she walked away from the window.

“Cas?” Dean said and pointed to the kitchen window that looked onto the fence that separated Cas’ back garden and his neighbor’s where she was walking passed.

Cas snarled and walked to the patio door where he stopped and pointed to Dean. “Stay here,” he said and opened the door, pulling it closed behind him.

“Yes, Sir,” Dean said.

Cas took the step down out of the door onto the patio and turned to the right to see her appear from the side of the house. Her hair was still styled in loose curls and looked much the same as it had the last time he’d seen her. However, this time she wore a less formal gray-khaki dress with a lace overlay, tight on the torso but loose on the skirt part. She’d lifted it to walk along the path at the side, to avoid dragging it on the lawn sides, but she dropped it before Cas saw what she was wearing on her feet.

Cas stopped, looking at her. “Can I help you?” Cas asked, trying to keep his irritation and downright rage hidden.

“No one answered at the front door,” Amara said, seeming startled by Cas’ presence.

“Normally that implies no one is home,” Cas said and she looked to the side at the back window, not seeing Dean who was listening at the door, out of sight. Cas’ eyes narrowed. “You thought I’d be at work.” He paused. “You didn’t come to see me.”

“You didn’t think I would just let it lie?” Amara asked, an eyebrow raising, her face told Cas she was trying to decide whether to be annoyed or amused by that. “You humiliated me.”

“You humiliated yourself,” Cas said.

“Never,” Amara said. “I’ve never had another alpha get one over on me like that.”

“You must tell me what it felt like,” Cas said and Dean smirked.

This just seemed to make the decision for her – anger over amusement.

“I will not stand here and let it happen,” she said, her form looked to be increasing in size with every word. “You are nothing compared to me, if you are the light then I am the darkness and I eclipse you.” Dean’s face just showed confusion.

Cas paused a second. “I have no idea what that means,” he said and Dean smiled, “Dean made his choice and it wasn’t you, you’re only embarrassing yourself further.”

She laughed, all humor dissolved before it even rumbled in her throat. “He made his choice?” She stepped forward and even though Cas had originally thought her size a trick of the light he was beginning to wonder. “In case you missed it, omegas don’t chose, they do as they’re told.”

She stepped forward again and Cas wondered if perhaps he was shrinking because it certainly felt like it, his nostrils were filled with fire and he thought maybe he was being smoked out of the way.

“That’s not-” He coughed, as if choking on physically present smoke.

“That’s _exactly_ how it works,” she said and stepped up to him, bringing her face close to his, Cas tried to pull it back, but she grabbed his jaw tight and kept him looking at her. “You made me look like a fool but you are a disgrace to us, you didn’t even touch him-” She sniffed, smelling blood and smooth smoke.

“Oh, he’d touched me,” Dean said, having pulled the door open and stood leaning against the doorway. When she turned to look at him her grip on Cas’ face loosened so Cas was able to turn his head to Dean too. Dean looked from her to Cas before he winked at him. “Right, _hon_?” Dean asked.

Cas could smell Dean now, more than he had been able to with her standing there. And by the look on Amara’s face she could smell him too, there was a sharpness in her eyes that Cas didn’t like. Cas waved her hand away, the need to protect Dean giving him a second wind. He took a step back towards Dean who put his right hand around Cas’ side so that his hand rested on Cas’ stomach, the fact that he was a step up meant that he couldn’t rest his chin on Cas’ shoulder but he just stared at her.

“Don’t make me embarrass you twice,” Cas said, feeling a new confidence.

“Why not,” Dean said, but it wasn’t really a question.

“It’s hard to tell who is the omega and who is the alpha here,” Amara said, implying that Dean was in charge but actually referring to the scents, she wasn’t sure whose was whose. She was sure Dean had smelled like blood and fear before but now there was no fear, blood was mixed with a swamp and there was icing sugar laced with burning flesh and dead wood. She wasn’t sure who she was smelling what from. “Everything is mixing,” she said.

“Maybe we just defy stereotypes,” Cas offered. “I take no for an answer-”

“And I tell you to get lost,” Dean said and kissed Cas’ neck.

The smile that spread on Cas face was pure smugness. “Tell your brother-” He stopped. “No, don’t bother, I’ll call him myself,” Cas said, threatening her in a subtle way.

“Next time I see you,” Dean said when he lifted his head but he didn’t look at her, instead he lifted his left hand and ran it through Cas’ hair, “I’ll decide between calling the cops…”

“And what?” she asked when he didn’t finish, seemingly too taken in by Cas’ hair and she tried not to visibly wince with the words, she didn’t want them to know she cared.

Dean could barely hide his smile but managed to as he turned his head slowly to her, Cas watched it and recognized the slow blink, he wasn’t messing around. “Shooting first,” Dean said.

“And go to jail?” she asked with a scoff.

Dean smirked and shook his head. “I know the gun laws,” he said and turned back to Cas. “Maybe you should get guard dogs,” he said as he turned back into the kitchen.

“Maybe I should,” Cas said, staring at Amara as his body turned towards the door but then he stopped, raising his eyebrows. “Get off my property.”

She paused a beat, looking from him to the kitchen window where she expected Dean to be anxiously watching but he was drinking from a bottle of water as he walked further into the room. She looked back to Cas who exhaled as he gave her his impatient look. She eventually turned and walked away. Cas went inside, seeing Dean on the couch and watched her walking past the door and then stepped forward to go to the window.

Dean reached out as he passed and took his arm, making Cas stop but not look away.

“Don’t,” Dean said. “Don’t let her see, come and sit with me.” He tugged Cas’ hand again and Cas watched her walk around the house to the main path and slowly walk away, looking back as if she expected to be being watched and then went to a waiting car and was driven away.

“She didn’t drive,” Cas said and walked to the window.

Dean sighed as he had to let Cas’ arm go in the process and sat back on the couch. “So?” he said and looked at the TV.

Cas watched the car drive away and tried to picture his boss’ car; it wasn’t the same so at least his boss wasn’t enabling her.

Cas slowly turned away. “I just wanted to make sure it wasn’t my boss,” he said and walked to the kitchen where he started cleaning where they had been having sex, not that it needed it.

“What are you doing?” Dean asked and sat forward to turn around. When he saw he remembered he’d come in his pants. “Oh shit,” he said and bounded up, running up the stairs.

Cas looked out of the living room window as he scrubbed and shook his head. He’d almost let her do it to him again, he thought alphas were supposed to be strong and territorial so why was it so easy for her to take him down like that? Didn’t he feel enough for Dean?

He let his hand fall to the counter and leaned on it, letting his head hang. He knew it wasn’t that, there was a part of him that not only didn’t think that it was his place to defend Dean – he wasn’t his omega after all – but he still wasn’t comfortable with the whole idea of having to stake his claim, he felt like the alpha who had pinned Samandriel against the elevator wall as if he were to just comply.

When Dean came back down he was still wearing the same pants they had wet patches on the front and back where he’d wiped his seed away.

“I can give you a clean pair,” Cas said as he leaned on the island in the middle.

“No, I like these,” Dean said. “You got any band aids, though?” he said and gestured his left hand, held in a fist while his index finger was extended.

Cas walked to him and saw his finger had a small fine line cut in it. “What happened?”

“Must have been in the sink,” he said and shrugged.

“I have a first-aid kit in the garage,” Cas said and went to the patio doors, when he pulled it he realized he’d locked it and slid it open again. He looked to the right before he walked away to the left, where the garage was set further back, at the end of his driveway.

“I can do it,” Dean said, following him out into the garden and stopped to look.

It wasn’t an especially large garden, it was a rectangle that had been squashed almost to a square, but not quite, making it only just longer than it was wide. At the bottom in the right hand corner was a tree that Dean somehow felt that he recognized, it looked like a Christmas tree so he figured that must be it. Other than that it was a perfectly manicured lawn for the rest of the garden. Dean looked to the tree again, missing the small water feature beside it, in the shade.

He snapped out it and ran to the garage, Cas had pushed the door open and gone inside, without unlocking it. Dean stopped and looked around. There were a lot of jars of honey, piles of books, what looked like furniture in the corner, some DIY products huddled on a shelf by the door and some tool boxes.

As Cas walked to the tool boxes Dean looked around. He went to the books, scanning the well-worn spines. All of the books seemed to be self-help about how to suppress your alpha urges in various ways – yoga, cleaning, swimming, exercise routines, various cleanses, religious salvation, origami, breathing patterns, Feng shui, and a lot more. Dean raised his eyebrows at the one that suggested ways to find control at the gun range.

“Wow, so you were serious about this, huh?” Dean asked and Cas looked over his shoulder to Dean and then to the pile of books.

“Yes,” Cas said and looked back to where he was trying to free the first-aid box from underneath one of the various exercise machines he’d bought for his home. He idly wondered what he had been thinking when he put the box for emergencies under a fold-away exercise bike. He shook his head.

“So, I _really,_ screwed your life up,” Dean said, rubbing the back of his neck as Cas turned to him and put the box down on the pile of books, looking at the guilty expression on Dean’s face as he looked around.

“Let me see your finger,” Cas said.

“No, I’m good, just let me-” Dean said and reached out for the box.

Cas just looked at him, his face emotionless and unblinking.

Dean exhaled and held out his left hand, keeping his fist clenched and his finger extended. “Fine,” he said under his breath.

Cas took hold of his fist and Dean winced so Cas paused, looking to Dean’s face with confusion: a small cut shouldn’t illicit such a response from Dean – he’d been shot and stabbed before – and certainly not when Cas was nowhere near it.

“Open your hand,” Cas said and when Dean just stared at him he sighed. “Open it.”

Dean swallowed and then rolled his eyes as he loosened his hand and opened it. There were two or three slices across his palm, all in the same direction, all from the same blade. There were still bleeding so were obviously new cuts.

“Dean-” Cas said, gently holding his hand. “How did this happen?”

Dean sighed, knowing that he may as well tell him. “There was a knife in the sink, I cut my finger on it when I put my hand in the water and then, when I was-” He shrugged. “When I was _crossing the finish line_ I grabbed it, I couldn’t let go.”

Cas sighed and glared at Dean before he let his hand go and opened the box. “And you were going to just leave it like that?” he asked.

“No,” Dean said, like a child in a strop. “That’s why I asked for the first-aid box myself.” Cas shook his head, disappointed, as he pulled alcohol wipes out of sealed packets. “What?” Dean asked and let Cas take his hand. “What is- Ow!” Dean exclaimed as Cas used the wipes to clean his cuts. “What’s wrong?”

“You,” Cas said and shook his head again. “Sometimes I-” He exhaled and shook his head again.

“No, go on,” Dean said. “What?”

“Sometimes I want to grab you and throw you against a wall,” Cas said.

“Oh?” Dean said, interested, with a smirk.

Cas glared at him. “I feel like physically assaulting you,” he said.

Dean paused, his brow dipping as he ruled out the sexual part of that. “You want to beat me up?” he asked and Cas didn’t answer, inhaling as he put the wipes to the side and found clean gauze. “Hey, I can be as kinky as the next guy but I’m not sure I’m into that.”

Cas sighed. “Dean, you’re so frustrating!” he said, suddenly raising his voice.

Dean’s eyebrows raised again. “Why, because I wasn’t gonna tell you I cut my hand?”

“It’s not just that,” Cas said. “It’s everything. You wanted me to be rougher with you or you were going to throw me out, so I got rougher-”

“I wasn’t gonna-” Dean started but Cas wasn’t listening.

“I didn’t like it but you wanted it, you wanted it so much you were willing to leave me and never come back so I gave you what you wanted. Still that wasn’t enough, you wanted me to let go completely.”

“Cas, hold on-” Dean said, chuckling awkwardly as Cas pressed the gauze to his hand and then unwrapping a clean, white bandage which he then started to wrap around Dean’s hand.

“I didn’t want to, I was petrified. But you wanted it, you didn’t say you were leaving but-” He tilted his head briefly. “It would have got there eventually. So, I gave you it.”

“You can’t say you-”

“I wanted it, Dean, or I wouldn’t have given you it. I’m not going to promise to never cross the line with you and let you abuse me in the process. I’m not going to let you bully me into saying ‘yes’ to something I don’t actually want. But it was a push, Dean. It wasn’t easy, none of this has been easy. You think it’s just you that it’s hard for and I guess now you know it’s not, but it took a while for you to realize that. I mean, look!” He lifted his left hand and hit it off of a book that suggested natural remedies to help suppress the alpha side. “And look where I am now. And what do I ask from you?” He looked to Dean.

Dean opened his mouth but nothing came out.

“I ask that there’s consent and trust, that you take care of yourself _or_ let me do it. But you can’t even reach for me when you need me-”

“Hey, I’m trying with that,” Dean defended. “I’m getting better.”

Cas nodded. “Yes,” he conceded after a second or two. “I suppose you are. But you don’t understand, I need you to tell me when you need me. I know you want me to want you, but I always do, Dean, you’ll soon see that. Reaching for me when you need me doesn’t stop that, I need you to do that.” He unwrapped some of the bandage and redid it. “I have this urge to get you through your heat, Dean, but that’s not just giving you my knot when you need it. It’s making sure you’re safe, you’re satisfied, that you’re happy, healthy- I’m here to cater to your needs, not because you can’t do it for yourself but because I want to.” He sighed as he tucked the bandage edge in. “Your instinct is to seek me out, to nest, to bare children if that’s what you want. Mine is to satisfy that and to take care of you, to protect you.”

Dean looked down guiltily, trying not to ignore the image of what their kids would look like that had manifested in his head as if Cas had said the magic word.

“I asked myself why I couldn’t let go,” Cas continued, “so ask yourself why you can’t let me look after you, Dean.”

Dean looked up to Cas and gave a wry smile before he looked to the side. “I don’t have to,” he said. “I already know, Cas.” Cas’ head tilted in question and Dean inhaled, ready to talk. “I- Uh… It’s always been my job, Cas. When Sammy was born my parents always told me I was the big brother, that it was their job to look after us but my only jobs were to do as I was told and look after him. When Mom died I did what Dad told me, which was either ‘look after Sammy’ or ‘stop crying, it’s only a belt’.” Cas winced. “‘Take it like a big boy’,” Dean added with a humorless laugh. “‘Like a man.’ Then Dad went and it was just us, but I still had my job – look after Sammy. I’ve been doing it my whole life, Cas. Mom used to sing to me and make me meatloaf but I was barely a kid when she died. I’ve been looking after people for as long as I remember.” He shrugged. “Whether it was hustling pool so we had money for food or taking a knife to the thigh so Sam didn’t have to.” He paused, biting his bottom lip briefly. “Either way, I never let him see me bleed when I could help it and when I couldn’t he didn’t see me in pain or scared.” Dean shook his head. “That woulda finished me, to see him look at me and see me as anything less than able to take care of him.”

They fell silent and Cas looked down, realizing he was still holding Dean’s hand.

“Your job is to look after your brother, I understand that,” Cas said and nodded, before he looked up to Dean again. “But it’s my job to look after you for as long as you want me to.”

Dean looked down to his hand and slowly nodded. “It’s just gonna take some getting used to,” he said before he looked to Cas again. “But I _am_ trying, Cas.”

Cas smiled softly and nodded.

“But uh-” Dean tried to pull his hand into a fist and couldn’t. “In the meantime, I think my fingers might fall off.”

Cas sighed but with a smile as he pulled the bandage off of Dean’s hand, before he re-wrapped it and they went outside together. Dean took one look at the furniture in the corner, it was wooden and looked like it was for the garden. Cas on the other hand took a lingering look at the pile of books before he closed the door, explaining to Dean that he lost the key for the garage a long time ago and never got around to replacing the lock.

When they went back inside Dean was wiping his forehead as Cas closed the door behind them.

“You know, the next time you’re at the store you could get a- uh- a new lock,” Dean said and leaned against the back of the couch, “and I’ll replace it for you.”

“Really?” Cas asked as he locked the door, he was looking at Dean and thinking about two different things – wondering when Dean would ask him for help and since Dean knew he’d already been to the store to pick up enough supplies for the heat then he must be planning to come back during one of his next heats.

“Yeah,” Dean said and exhaled a laugh. “Can’t have someone stealing your books.” He smiled, exhaling again, as he looked over his left shoulder at Cas who had moved to the sink.

He decided that telling Dean he should ask for help while giving it anyway was doing nothing but stopping Dean asking. Instead, he busied himself and took his attention away from Dean knowing – or hoping – that his need for the affection of his heat’s alpha would overrule his dislike of something that he saw as needy.

Cas lifted the pan from the water, letting it drip a few times before he opened the dishwasher and placed it inside.

Dean turned back to the sofa and gripped it, closing his eyes. “Dammit,” he whispered to himself, knowing exactly what Cas was doing.

“Did you say something?” Cas asked as he fished the cutlery out of the water, eyeing the knife that had assaulted Dean, and put the bundle in the dishwasher too before he drained the sink.

Dean exhaled. “You made your point, Cas,” he said.

“What point?” Cas asked as he dried his hands and closed the dishwasher.

“Will you just get over here?” Dean said.

“You only had to ask,” Cas said, putting his dish towel down and moving towards Dean.

“Like I said, point made, now I’m asking,” Dean said and began pulling his pants down at the back.

“Here?” Cas asked as he stood behind him.

“Well, we could try your garden but I’m not sure your neighbors would appreciate it,” Dean quipped. “Yeah, here.”

Cas sighed, grabbing Dean’s left cheek in his hand. “Careful, Dean, I think I’d like to see that.”

“Really?” Dean asked and turned his head. “Not sure I want grass stains on my ass.”

“Who said they’d be on your ass?” Cas asked as he was pulling his own pants down and Dean couldn’t help but smile.

>><< 

Cas had managed to maneuver them around to the sofa and sat down, Dean falling into his lap with Cas’ arm around his middle while Dean groaned with the new position pushing Cas’ knot further into him.

“You knot _every_ time?” Dean asked and Cas nodded, Dean seeing it out of the corner of his eye. “Even out of heat?” Cas nodded again. “That musta been annoying.”

“When?” Cas asked.

Dean paused and then laughed. “Sometimes I forget we were-” He shrugged.

“Virgins?” Cas asked.

“Yeah,” Dean said. “But every time you clean the pipes? It must hurt or something.”

Cas thought about it. “As I said, I don’t really do that.” He inhaled. “But it can be cumbersome when I’m receiving fellatio.”

Dean’s eyebrows went up and he whipped his head to look at Cas. “When did you-?” He stopped and looked forward. “No, never mind, I don’t wanna know.” He pushed his lips out and then nodded. “No, yeah, I do want to know,” he looked at Cas, “when did you get a blow job?”

Cas opened his mouth.

Dean stopped him with a wave of his hand. “No, don’t wanna know,” he said.

Cas narrowed his eyes at Dean as he looked around the room irritated. “Yes, you do,” he said.

“Yeah, I do,” Dean said and shook his head. “When?”

Cas leaned into Dean’s ear. “When I was fifteen,” he whispered.

Dean looked to him as he smiled and Dean looked away, trying not to smile himself. “Oh,” he said. He looked back to Cas who was smiling and then he leaned in to kiss Dean’s neck and Dean could feel the smile so he pushed him away. “Alright, alright, stop it.”

“It’s okay to be jealous, Dean,” Cas said and kissed him again, wrapping his right arm around Dean’s middle too.

“I was _not_ jealous!” Dean said and tried to push his arms away but then huffed when he realized it was pointless since he wasn’t exactly going to get up and walk away so he glanced to Cas and wrapped Cas’ arms around him again. “I was… curious.” He rolled his eyes when Cas nipped his neck. “Okay, I thought you meant recently, okay?” He slowly tipped his head to the right to let Cas kiss him. “I just- I was-”

Cas hummed twice but Dean knew he meant the word ‘jealous’.

“You shut your face,” Dean said but didn’t push him away as he thought about it. “I can see why a knot would ruin that experience for you.”

“It doesn’t,” Cas said. “It still feels good but I didn’t realize it would happen so it formed in his mouth.”

Dean burst out laughing, letting his head hang back. “Oh, poor guy!” Dean said and looked at Cas. “Did he let it go or just try to go with it?” Cas’ face answered the question and Dean continued laughing. “Oh man,” he said and lifted a hand to wipe his right eye. “I needed that.”

“I didn’t,” Cas said, kissing his neck harder. “Would you stop squirming or I’ll come again.”

“What’s the matter? Not got enough in the tank?” Dean asked with a glint in his eye, the teasing was evident in his voice.

“I’m not sure,” Cas said.

“Wait, really?” Dean asked, his smile fading and turning to look at Cas who leaned away from Dean’s neck to talk to him.

“My testicles don’t seem to have grown as much as they did the last time,” he said, shifting under Dean.

“But I’m going mad over here,” Dean said, almost whining. “And it’s only, what?”

“Day four,” Cas said and hummed. “You’re going mad?”

“Yeah!” Dean said and saw Cas’ face. “Wait, is that bad?”

“I don’t know,” Cas said, “but this should get worse and even if we just continue like this I won’t be able to keep up. It might be a good idea to-”

“If you say ‘call an agency’ I’m leaving,” Dean said, pointing to the window.

“I was going to suggest calling your doctor,” Cas said.

Dean let his hand fall. “Oh,” he said and then shrugged. “Yeah I guess I could do that. And say what?”

Cas reached for the cordless telephone and handed it to Dean. “Ask her if your heat could be shortening or- or if-” He cleared his throat. “Or if there could be something wrong with me.”

Dean began to dial. “There’s nothing wrong with you, Cas,” he said and Cas nodded to himself but he wasn’t sure if he believed it.

 _“Freewill Medical Center,”_ the receptionist said.

“Hi,” Dean said. “Um, I’m a patient there and I wondered if I could speak to my doctor quickly, instead of making an appointment.”

_“What’s your name?”_

“Dean Winchester,” Dean said, “it’s Dr Braeden.”

There was a pause on the line. _“Hold on for me,”_ she said and Dean hit the back of his neck with the phone, Cas whipping his head back to avoid being hit with it. He put his hand out and stopped it, when Dean looked back he saw what he was doing and lowered it back to his ear with an apologetic smile.

“On hold,” he said, lifting his right hand to rub the back of his neck

Cas nodded and pulled Dean back the little he’d slipped as they’d been sitting.

 _“Dean?”_ Dr Braeden said.

“Hey, Lisa,” Dean said. “Listen, just a quick question. I, uh-” He cleared his throat. “Um, I was wondering if um-” He clamped his mouth closed again, as if the words just wouldn’t come out.

Cas had a feeling Dean wouldn’t be able to ask what he needed to so he put his left hand out and Dean sighed before he handed him it.

“Hello?” Cas said.

 _“Hello?”_ Lisa replied.

“Dr Braeden, it’s Castiel Novak, I don’t know if you remember me?” he asked.

 _“Of course I do,”_ she said. _“What can Dean not say?”_

Cas smiled and looked at Dean looking at his hands, face and neck red.

“It’s actually me,” Cas said and Dean looked at him. “Dean’s heat seems to be progressing faster than usual and I was wondering if it was possible he could be experiencing a shortened heat this time.”

 _“Oh, I see,”_ she said. _“Well, I suppose it’s possible but it would show in you as well, if you’ve been there from the beginning.”_

She didn’t voice it like a question but Cas knew it was one.

“Yes, I’ve been here since the start. The reason I ask is not just because of Dean it’s myself too, my testicles were swollen yesterday but now they’re not.” Dean looked at him, dumbfounded as to how he could just say that to another person. “I’m worried that I won’t make it to the end of his heat.”

 _“I see,”_ Lisa said, thoughtfully. _“Well, it is entirely possible that Dean’s heat has shortened although I would have expected your biology to follow it in time. The alpha is directed by his or her omega, if Dean’s heat only lasted… How long has it been?”_

“This is the fourth day,” Cas said.

 _“Four days is unusual, especially if you aren’t mirroring him,”_ she said and Cas looked to Dean who raised his eyebrows in question but Cas could only shrug. _“Are you sure you were there from the beginning?”_

“Hold on,” Cas said and moved the phone away from his ear, covering the mouthpiece. “Did you come to me on the first day?” he asked.

“Yes!” Dean said. “I told you that?”

“Yes,” Cas said, “but if you were afraid to tell me otherwise then now would be a good time to admit that.”

“Cas,” Dean started, “I was at work, it started, I finished the job – I wasn’t gonna leave Sam hanging like that – so I finished the job and I came straight here, like I told you. It was a few hours at the most, I swear.”

Cas nodded and put the phone back to his ear, letting the mouthpiece go, returning his arm around Dean’s waist. “It was a few hours but definitely the same day.”

 _“And there were no other alphas there to disrupt the bond?”_ Lisa asked.

Cas moved the phone away again. “Did you encounter any-?” He stopped dead and a face came into his mind. He put the phone back to his ear. “Yes, there was,” he said. “Another alpha tried to scent him twice, once before we had a chance to satisfy the heat.”

Realization dawned on Dean’s face as his face slackened and he shook his head angrily.

 _“Right,”_ Lisa said. _“And how did Dean react?”_

“He-” Cas sighed. “I didn’t protect him.”

Dean took the phone and put it to his ear. “That’s not true,” Dean said. “She was a bully and she didn’t take no for an answer.” He looked at Cas. “You protected me, Cas. Twice.” Cas lowered his head and Dean looked to the receiver briefly. “She came back when she thought he’d be at work, he wasn’t.”

 _“She shook you, didn’t she?”_ Lisa asked, now that it was just the two of them.

Dean paused a beat. “Yeah,” he said.

 _"It’s more than possible that her presence has impacted your heat and the bond to your alpha,”_ Lisa said and continued but Dean was looking at Cas, _“as a result, your heat has shortened but his body hasn’t followed. It sounds like you could be on your last day but he might not be able to keep up.”_ Dean nodded. _“Go easy on him, it sounds like he feels like he’s failed you already.”_

“Yeah, you’re right there,” Dean said. “Thanks, doc.”

 _“Come and see me next week and I’ll give you the once over,”_ she added.

“Will do,” Dean said and hung up the phone before he held it out to Cas who leaned to his left to put it back. Dean crossed his arms over himself to put them to Cas’ and leaned back against him. “Crap,” he said, thinking about how their time had been cut short.

Cas tightened his arms around Dean a little. “So, Amara-”

“She screwed it up,” Dean said. “She managed to screw with our bond and as a result my heat got quicker but your nuts didn’t get the memo.” He exhaled. “Can I shoot her?”

Cas smiled to himself. “I’m pretty sure that’s murder,” he said.

“So?” Dean said and exhaled again when Cas kissed the side of the back of his head. “That’ll be why I’m so tired.”

“Do you want me to carry you up to bed?” Cas asked, lifting his left hand to run through Dean’s hair.

Dean exhaled a laugh. “Yeah, good luck with that. Right now you’re Superman and everything around you is Kryptonite.”

Cas paused, his brow furrowing. “What?” he eventually said.

“You wouldn’t be able to lift me,” Dean spelled out.

Cas felt like Dean had just offended him and he wasn’t sure why. He exhaled and pulled his arms away from Dean.

“No, no, no,” Dean said, grabbing them and pulling them back around him. “Don’t go getting all sensitive on me, I just meant because you haven’t got bulky like you usually do.” He held Cas’ arms until they relaxed around him and he stroked the skin. “So, does this mean it’s almost over?” Dean asked, eventually, trying for nonchalance as he picked up the remote and turned the TV on.

“I think so,” Cas said, putting his left hand to Dean’s neck. It was hot and Dean closed his eyes to the cool and the comfort. “Yes,” Cas said, sensing his sudden calm. He dropped his hand and looked at Dean’s back before he moved both hands, Dean looking to the side for a second until Cas’ hands gripped his shoulders and squeezed.

Dean hummed while Cas massaged them languidly. Dean didn’t realize he felt tense until Cas started doing it and he told himself that there must be some truth to the idea that the alpha knows what the omega needs even if the omega doesn’t. He let his head hang forward while Cas focused on his shoulders and neck.

Cas had known Dean needed something, but it wasn’t that he needed to relax it was that he needed Cas’ touch and affection, especially if this was his last day. A small part of Cas hoped that the touch would reaffirm their bond and stretch the heat out but he knew that it was too late for that.

“That feels good,” Dean said and lifted his head as Cas gradually moved his hands down the top of Dean’s back while Cas felt his knot loosen.

“That doesn’t,” Cas said and let go of Dean’s back as Dean leaned back against him heavily.

Cas sighed and wrapped his arms around Dean again.

“I’m sorry,” Cas said softly in his ear.

“What for?” Dean asked.

“Letting her-”

Dean shook his head. “Nope,” he said. “Stop saying sorry, Cas, you didn’t do anything, you protected me, you told her to get lost, _twice_ , you’ve done everything you were supposed to. She was supposed to bow out, she didn’t.” Dean sighed. “I’m just glad you weren’t at work.” He paused for a second. “Even if you had been you still wouldn’t have had anything to be sorry for. Did you hear your mom apologize to your other mom for going to a different part of the grocery store?”

Cas thought about it and then shook his head. “No,” he said, surprising himself.

“Exactly,” Dean said.

Cas felt guilt that was simmering in his stomach and chest begin to melt away because Dean was right, she’d never apologized for that because she hadn’t done anything wrong. And neither had Cas.

>><< 

Cas was finishing dishing up the dinner when Dean ran up the stairs to pee and wash his hands. When he came out he felt cold so he stood at the top of the stairs and shouted, “Cas?” He made his voice sound casual so Cas wouldn’t be alarmed.

“Yes?” Cas called back, the noise he had been making had stopped, evidently he’d froze on the spot, probably in anxiety.

“I’m cold, have you got anything I can throw on?” Dean asked, he heard noise resuming and smiled as he swore he could feel the tension leave the house.

“There’s a burgundy zip-up hooded sweatshirt in the wardrobe,” he said. “I wore that recently, it should help.”

“Thanks,” Dean said and walked along to the bedroom, ignoring that he was over his heat and therefore Cas’ scent wouldn’t help him at all.

He opened the wardrobe and couldn’t see it so he looked around the room and saw it draped over a chair at the desk by the window. He tried to put images out of his head of the last time he’d touched that desk, trying to edge away from Amara. He walked to it and picked up the hoodie, he looked at it before he brought it to his face and inhaled. He found that he was wrong; Cas’ scent did help him but the fact that he wouldn’t smell that again for at least three months burned like acid in his stomach. He glanced behind him to make sure he hadn’t been caught smelling it.

He looked out the window as he threw it on, two men standing in the street who looked as if they were arguing caught his attention. They kept shouting as they backed away from each other and then just suddenly turned and kept walking, one of them shaking his head and then other practically running away. Dean’s eyes roamed to a car pulling into a drive on the other side of the street where two kids were playing. They stopped as the car parked and followed the woman who got out inside the house without argument. Before she got to the porch the woman waved to her left and Dean’s eyes moved to see an older man sitting on the porch of his house, he waved back and then used his waving hand as he leaned down to pat his bulldog. Dean considered him, wondered what he was watching and remembered the furniture in Cas’ garage, wondering what had made him stop watching the world go by.

Dean turned on the spot as he zipped up the hoodie and ran down the stairs to join Cas for dinner on the couch. He huddled close to Cas but didn’t draw attention to it and Cas didn’t seem to mind, if anything he relished it. When Dean had sat down, he was close to Cas on purpose however when his left hand went to Cas’ leg he pulled it away and then leaned forward to pick up his beer. Cas didn’t think anything of it but second guessed himself an hour later when they’d finished eating and Dean leaned back on the sofa, holding his stomach and exhaling hard. Cas reached out his right hand and ran his fingers back through Dean’s hair but froze halfway through when Dean’s eyes opened and looked to the movement and then to Cas’ hand. Cas was already withdrawing it and leaning forward to pick up the plates and take them to the kitchen. Dean lifted his head from the sofa to watch Cas retreat and then mentally scolded himself.

If either of them noticed that Cas had brought the table up from the basement and left it against the wall beside the door while the pair of them were on the couch it was only when Cas nearly knocked it over as he opened the patio door to let some air in the room. He stooped to catch it and Dean looked over his shoulder, bounding up to run and help him put it back against the wall.

“Thank you,” Cas said.

“No problem,” Dean answered and they looked at each other. “So, uh, bit hot in here, huh?” he asked and gestured to the door before he lifted his right hand to the back of his neck.

“Yes,” Cas said and they both look at each other again, both of them trying to think of something to say and then just nodding and turning away.

Cas went to the sink and Dean widened his eyes as he turned to walk back to the couch area. He sat down and picked up his beer, downing what was left in one go.

“Any beer left, hon?” Dean asked and picked up the remote, flicking through the channels.

Cas smiled to himself and went to the fridge, taking out two. He walked back towards the couch and sat down before he held one out to Dean and put the other on the table.

“Thanks,” Dean said, twisted the cap off and dumped it on the table before he then leaned forward to pick it up again. “Sorry, I forget I’m not at home.”

“I told you not to act like a guest,” Cas said, taking the cap from him and throwing it back to the table.

Dean smiled and then they looked back to the TV as Dean flicked the channel and the same gameshow that they’d watched during Dean’s first heat came out.

“Hey!” Dean said and gestured the remote to it.

“You don’t want to watch that again?” Cas asked.

“Why what’s wrong with it?” Dean asked. “Or there’s Dr Sexy on the other side.”

“Because I beat you the last time and you weren’t happy about it,” Cas pointed out.

“You cheated!” Dean said and sat back, leaving the quiz on.

“You just hate to lose,” Cas said.

“I don’t lose,” Dean shot back. “Ask my brother. I never lose.”

“And why is that?” Cas asked, ignoring the fact that he couldn’t just ask Sam anything.

“Because I’m the oldest and the oldest wins,” Dean said.

“Why do I get the feeling Sam has some pent up frustration about growing up?” Cas asked.

“Nah, he’s just a bad loser,” Dean said.

“I wonder why,” Cas said, sarcastically.

“Oh yeah?” Dean said and pointed to the TV without looking at it. “What is ‘The Hunger Games’.”

_“What is ‘The Hunger Games’?”_

_“Correct!”_

Dean smiled. “One to me,” he said.

“We weren’t playing?” Cas said.

“Maybe _you_ weren’t,” Dean said.

Cas sat forward, nodding to Dean. “Okay, bring it on, Dean,” he said and Dean clapped his hands, rubbing them together as Cas opened his new beer.

>><< 

Dean stood up to Cas complaining and waved his hand. “Yeah, yeah,” he said. “Bad loser.”

“You looked it up!” Cas said.

“No one types that fast,” Dean said and walked to the window. Outside it was getting darker and the street lamps were on, except the one outside Cas’ house but Dean didn’t register it, he was looking at the man across the street, still sitting on the porch with his dog who was now lying on its back fast asleep. “Hey, can I ask something?”

“Of course,” Cas said. “You can ask me anything.”

Dean gestured his bottle to the back of the house. “It’s a nice night, not cold not too hot,” he said and hesitated. “I wondered if we could get the chairs from the garage and sit on the porch.” He gestured his bottle to the front window.

“What for?” Cas asked.

“Just to chill,” Dean said and shrugged.

Cas waited. “But what for?” Cas asked.

Dean scoffed a laugh thinking Cas was kidding and then stopped. “To chill? You know?” Cas tilted his head, confused. “Cas, you have to just sit around sometimes. Life goes pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” He shrugged again and turned to the window.

Cas watched him and then stood up. “I’ll get the chairs then,” he said and walked to the back of the room to exit the house at the back and go to the garage.

They put the chairs out on the porch and Cas got an old cooler from the basement which Dean filled with ice and they stocked it up with beer before they took to the porch. Dean sat down first and took a drink of his beer before he looked to the Cas and the chair next to him.

“Sit down, man,” Dean said and pulled the chair towards him before he pushed it out a little and Cas stepped in front of it, putting his hands on his thighs as he sat down. “There ya go,” he said and looked forward.

“Would you like to talk about it?” Cas asked before he took a drink of his own beer.

Dean looked to him in confusion but one look told him that Cas could see right through him so his eyebrows relaxed back to their natural position and he looked to his beer bottle before he laughed in an exhale once, a somewhat embarrassed smile forming on his face.

“I’m _that_ obvious, huh?” he asked.

“Not always,” Cas said and Dean looked to him. “Most of the time I’m baffled actually.”

Dean nodded. “Well, at least I’m a man of mystery most of the time,” he said and winked as he leaned to Cas who laughed and then Dean looked to his bottle again, laughing with Cas before he bit his lip. “I’m angry,” he said before he looked to Cas again who nodded. “She ruined it,” Dean stated.

“She ruined your heat?” Cas asked.

Dean paused and then nodded, unable to admit what he really meant. “Yeah! Yeah, I mean-” He swallowed and looked down. “I mean, who knows what this is done to my hormones; I might be wound up for days, weeks, maybe even until my next heat. She might even have screwed up the timing. And I don’t know, maybe next time will be screwy too. It could be shorter. Or longer. Who knows?” He gestured to Cas as he looked at him. “Do you know about this stuff?”

“Not as much as your doctor,” Cas said. “I didn’t think about it messing with your heat, or our heat-bond-”

“See, I didn’t even know that was a thing,” Dean said.

“It is,” Cas said and nodded. “When an alpha and omega share a heat their bodies sync up, the omega to accept the alpha and the alpha to accommodate it. That’s why my touch makes you feel better, another alpha may even make you feel sick or repulsed, if the bond has caught.”

“Really?” Dean asked. “I thought that was just because of how I feel-” Cas narrowed his eyes and Dean stuttered. “About alphas- I meant how I feel about alphas in general.”

Cas nodded slowly but only twice before he looked to his beer. “It very well may be,” he said. “I guess we can never be sure, and it may change from one heat to the next. The alpha that your brother sent didn’t seem to affect your heat in the same way that Amara did.”

Dean nodded. “Yeah, guess I forgot about that,” he said and took a drink. “So uh-” Dean cleared his throat. “How else do they sync up?”

“Well, as I said, the alphas testicles swell to accommodate the semen needed,” Cas said and thought about it. “An alpha’s scent makes you feel better, my touch, my presence in general. I feel very protective of you, I grow more sensitive to other alphas as your heat progresses,” Cas looked at Dean who was looking at him as he listened, his lips parted slightly, “I can sense them from further way, detect dangers from farther a distance. I am drawn to you in the way that you are to me, especially in the night. I am much more sensitive to your emotions, I feel like I can almost taste the difference sometimes.”

“You do?” Dean asked.

Cas looked to him. “Yes, although I don’t really think about it, it just occurs to me that you’re angry or sad or anything else. When your sleep is disturbed so is mine, because I can feel your need, I almost tremble with your fear. I’m not sure if I mirror your fear or if it makes me angry that someone or something made you that way. I get this instinct to wrap myself around you and make sure nothing ever hurts you, ever again. And the way you feel when we’re having sex during heat compared to out is-”

“Better?” Dean asked.

Cas shook his head. “Not _better_ , not worse either. It’s different. Different in the intensity, if ever I felt my ancestors it was then but with you it’s not scary, it’s pure.” He pursed his lips. “It’s pure and natural and- and right.”

Dean swallowed. “You uh-” He paused and looked to Cas’ throat for a second, the redness fading much too quickly for his liking. “You changed.”

“What?” Cas asked.

“You- You changed from talking about alphas and omegas to me and you,” Dean pointed out.

“I did,” Cas said after the realization hit him, trying to think of when that happened.

“Is that what it’s like for everyone?” Dean asked and gestured between them. “Or just us?”

Cas looked at Dean a second longer, a smell on the breeze hit him: rain was coming. He remembered Amara – how could he forget? – and thought about what she had been saying about Dean not being Cas’ omega and the way Dean had never suggested they be anything other than what they were already. He’d never even intimated that it was a possibility in the future, they were what they were and that was the end of it. Cas had to keep reminding himself of that.

“I wouldn’t know,” Cas said and looked to his own beer. “I only know what it’s like for me.”

Dean watched the movements and then looked forward, taking a long drink from his beer. Dean looked to the old man with the dog across the street and found him watching the pair intently. He waved to Dean and when Dean lifted his right hand to salute the air in front of the right side of his forehead Cas looked from him to the man and waved with a small smile.

“Nice night,” Dean said as he looked to the sky.

It was getting darker quicker and the moon was far in the sky over the rooftops, taking their attention for a minute.

“Yes, it is,” Cas said and then they went back to their silences.

>><< 

Dean was lying in bed that night and woke with a start, he didn’t know what had woken him but he knew that his chest was pounding and he was covered in sweat. And through it all his penis was rock hard and his hole leaking. He sighed, wiped a hand over his head and turned to put his left hand on Cas’ arm, Cas was out cold and seemed to be exhausted and so Dean hesitated. But he couldn’t take it already, he felt like his limbs were vibrating, he thought back to his first heat and the day Cas wasn’t there, this was nowhere as bad but he still felt like he needed more than he was getting. On top of that he was a little scared, he didn’t want to go through that first day again.

So, he shook Cas awake, even though he knew he probably shouldn’t have.

“Dean?” Cas asked and wiped his eyes hard. “What’s wrong?”

“Sorry,” Dean said, exhaling hard. “I’m sorry.”

“What?” Cas asked, waking up properly now as he became alert and ready for danger. “What’s wrong?”

“I need-” Dean groaned and let himself lie back down as he moved his hand to his penis, stroking it for want of any other stimulation.

“Oh,” Cas said and looked down, stroking himself. He hadn’t been aware of Dean’s restlessness and he wasn’t already waiting to go so he had to quickly produce some strength down there. “Hold on,” he said.

“Sorry,” Dean repeated, “So sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Cas said and hushed him. “Turn over, baby,” he said.

Dean turned onto his front and Cas bared his teeth as he stroked himself more insistently, he didn’t want Dean to see how hard he was trying to get himself ready, or how much he’d be trying to get to the end of the finish line. Usually he’d have no trouble but this heat wasn’t like the rest. He pushed into Dean and hoped that the feeling of him would keep him able to perform but he was exhausted and he really wondered about it.

Dean moaned and whimpered, gripping the pillow hard as Cas thrust into him, he was slow and hesitant, completely concentrated on whether or not he was hard. Dean didn’t seem to mind but he stuck his right hand out behind him and pulled Cas’ hand from his hip around to his chest.

“Don’t think about it,” he said. “Kiss me and just- Just don’t think about it.”

Cas tightened his arm around Dean and kissed his shoulder and neck. He breathed in Dean’s scent, he couldn’t smell it as strongly as he had been able to but his natural musk was there, in its mist lingered the far away hint of rubber and oil and Cas found himself missing them already. As he listened to the sounds Dean was making and just focused on letting his body answer what it was feeling he found that the anxiety managed to melt away and left his erection behind. When he finished he smiled to himself, not only glad he’d got there but also realizing that Dean had reached for him, asking for help.

Dean fell asleep before Cas had even got his breath back and the dread hit his stomach, remembering how Dean was during his first heat. However, it wasn’t long before Cas had to let sleep take him too, without syncing up his body really wasn’t able to keep up with the demands of an omega’s heat.

Cas felt himself being slowly dragged out of sleep and it took him a good few minutes to come to. When he did he felt movement on the mattress and turned around to look at the other side of his bed where Dean was on his front rutting against the mattress, his sounds weren’t pleasure but rather of frustration and pain. Cas sat up properly and rubbed a hand over his eyes as he looked to the clock, it wasn’t even two hours since the last time Dean had woken him for help. Cas lifted the sheet with his left hand and used his right to feel his own penis and testicles. He felt the heat on his hand right away but he felt something else – nothing. While he was struggling to rouse action from himself he could feel there might not be enough semen anyway. He rolled his hand, trying to bring himself to life so that he could take Dean’s pain away. After a few minutes he’d barely achieved anything and his wrist was sore, he sighed and let his head fall back to the pillow as he stilled it. He looked to Dean as he turned onto his side, his back to Cas.

Cas turned towards him and slowly slid in behind him, he used his right hand to lift Dean’s head enough to slide his left arm under his neck and then hugged Dean to him. It was the only thing he was able to do right then. He hoped it’d be enough.


	5. Chapter 5

The next morning Cas looked up from his computer and turned to see Dean walking in. Dean had a small towel in his right hand, the blue pajama pants on and was lifting his left hand in a fist to his mouth while he yawned. They both walked to the couch and sat down, Dean on the towel.

“Whatcha doing?” Dean said and gestured his left hand to the computer.

“I was just catching up on some work while you were asleep,” Cas said.

Dean nodded. “Fair enough,” he said and shook his head before he yawned again. “Man, I haven’t stopped yawning all morning,” he said. “No idea why I’m so tired.”

“You were tossing and turning all night, it’s highly doubtful you got a proper rest,” Cas explained.

“Did I keep you up?” Dean asked.

“No,” Cas said and smiled when Dean raised a disbelieving eyebrow. “Honestly,” he said and stood up, rounding the couch and walked to the kitchen area. “Do you want some breakfast?” He glanced to the clock, seeing it was past midday. “Or lunch?”

“Yeah, thanks,” Dean said. “Wait-”

“Pancakes?” Cas asked.

“Uh, yeah,” Dean said and Cas nodded before he began making them. “Wait, how do you know I was tossing and turning all night if I didn’t keep you up?”

“I woke up with the movement but I was too worried about you to go back to sleep,” Cas said.

Dean stood and walked around the couch, heading to the kitchen area. “So, you, what?”

“I watched over you,” Cas said and went to the fridge. “I wasn’t able to help you as I normally would have,” Dean noticed the tightening of his jaw as he said it, “but I was able to make sure you didn’t- that you were okay.”

Dean paused, thinking about the way he’d felt the first time and wondered if that’s what Cas was afraid of.

“So why aren’t _you_ exhausted?” Dean asked, the last half of his sentence distorted when he tried to stifle another yawn.

“Because I haven’t had the hormonal changes you have,” Cas said and Dean nodded, conceding the point. “How are you feeling?” Cas asked as he started to mix the batter in a bowl.

“Why, something you want?” Dean smirked.

“I was about to ask you that very question,” Cas shot back and smiled a little.

“Making pancakes while screwing,” Dean said, “you should join the circus.” He smiled. “I feel okay just now, maybe after I’ve eaten.”

“So, you still feel-?”

“Yeah,” Dean said. “Not as much but it’s there.” He looked to the coffee machine and reached out to play with a dial. “Fading fast.” He cleared his throat and looked up. “So what was with the clench earlier when you said you couldn’t help me last night?”

Immediately Cas’ face fell, as if he’d been glad they’d gotten off of the subject and now Dean had thrown them back into it. “Nothing, I just-” He exhaled. “Nothing.”

“Oh, I know this one,” Dean said and Cas looked at him as he pointed at him briefly. “What is a big massive lie?” He nodded.

Cas closed his eyes and shook his head at Dean’s attempt at humor. “I tried to-” He stopped again, moving away to get the pan to cook the pancakes with.

“You tried to what?” Dean asked. “You tried to wake me up?”

“No,” Cas said as he turned back to the cooker and put the heat on before placing the pan over it.

“You tried to… wake yourself up?” Dean asked, not being serious. But then he saw Cas’ face. “You couldn’t get-?”

“No,” Cas said and there was the set of his jaw again.

“Cas, come on!” Dean said and Cas looked at him. “Cas, Lisa already said our heat has been disrupted. My heat is shorter and you’re biology isn’t keeping up. We _had_ sex last night. You not being able to unsink your battleship isn’t a big deal!”

“Maybe to you,” Cas said.

Dean exhaled and put his right hand to his forehead. “Okay,” he said and nodded as he dropped it. “Okay, you’re right. If this was me I’d be bothered. But Cas, you have to take into consideration all of those other things, you just _have_ to.” Cas looked at him as he shrugged as if there wasn’t anything else he could think to say.

Cas looked to the mixture as he tested its thickness and began to put it into the pan. “Even if I had been able to, I don’t think I would have had-” He looked to the side as he tried to think of what to say.

“Ammo?” Dean asked.

Cas reached to pick up his spatula. “Yes,” he said.

“That’s probably why you had trouble,” Dean said. “Just proves Lisa right.” He leaned down on his arms on the counter and then looked around him. “You need bar stools in here.” He stood up straight and then walked over to the couch again.

“This isn’t a bar,” Cas said.

“But I can’t stand there and have a conversation with you,” Dean said as he stopped in front of his chosen spot on the couch.

“Why not?” Cas asked.

“Too tired,” Dean said and sat down heavily on the couch before he moved to his left and lay down, moving the towel with him.

Cas wasn’t sure if it was the TV, the smell of pancakes or his heat that kept Dean awake while he lay there but when Cas walked over with some pancakes for him he was lying with his eyes half-closed and he sat up quickly to take the plate, muttering a thanks. Cas made his and joined him, noticing that Dean was already on his second by the time he’d sat down. When he’d finished Dean sat back on the couch and rubbed his stomach as if it were causing him some discomfort but Cas didn’t find out why until he was finished his pancakes: Dean sat forward and rubbed his hands together the minute Cas sat back down next to him on the couch after putting their plates in the dishwasher.

“D’you think you’ve reloaded the clip yet?” Dean asked and rolled his eyes when Cas just stared at him, confused. “Help me,” he said softly. “D’you think you could-?”

“Yes,” Cas said and smiled.

>><< 

Dean woke up in Cas’ bed in a groggy state. He opened his eyes slowly, not because he wanted to but because they were stuck together with sleep. He rubbed them to look at the clock, it was after six in the afternoon, and he sat up, trying to remember falling asleep.

They’d gone upstairs to have sex, Dean tried to remember why but now that he thought about it he realized that neither of them had said it, they’d just walked upstairs and hadn’t questioned it either.

Dean hadn’t been as wound up as he was the night before so he figured that’s why Cas took it slowly, that or he was giving himself time to build up enough ammunition. Dean didn’t know but either way it had been intense, even though he hadn’t been facing Cas the way Cas held him close as he pushed in to him made Dean have to clutch the pillow to his face. Cas had pulled it away, threw it to the floor and whispered, “Don’t you dare,” in Dean’s ear, as if he were being denied something.

Cas _had_ felt like he was being denied something; this was most likely the last time they’d have sex during this heat and he was not going to have Dean muffling the noises he made. Cas had pulled Dean close, thankful that he could provide him some relief in the last hours of his heat. He knew he was proving something to himself but he didn’t care – he'd proved it and that’s all that mattered. Not only did he prove that he could give Dean what he needed, he could make him call his name as he came with Cas’ hand, heat-bond or not.

Dean looked around and then stretched his back, feeling it crack. He sighed as he relaxed again and reached out for the pajama bottoms. He paused when his hand touched them. It just occurred to him that he felt fine, and not just because he’d really needed a nap, he felt fine because his heat was over. He withdrew his hand from the pants on the floor and looked over his shoulder to where his jeans were folded over Cas’ chair, on top of his burgundy hoodie.

He sighed before he walked over to them and lifted them, letting them unfold with gravity and then, resigning himself to the inevitable and thinking that he needed to suck it up, leaned forward to pull them on. He zipped and buttoned them up and then looked around for his t-shirt. He sniffed it and then brought his head back. He’d been wearing it on and off the whole time he had been at Cas’ and it wasn’t too bad but it could have been fresher. He pulled it over his head anyway and pulled it down properly before he put his right hand on Cas’ hoodie then gripped it as he lifted it from the chair and headed downstairs, stopping in the bathroom to freshen up first.

Cas flicked the page of the recipe book back over and nodded as he made sure he was following the directions correctly before he flicked it back and tapped the step he was on as he heard footsteps on the stairs and he looked to the clock in the corner. When he saw it was just after six he felt something in the pit of his stomach, he sensed that maybe it was worry, maybe he’d been presumptuous in his actions, maybe Dean would see it as over emphatic, maybe he wouldn’t want to stick around.

“Hey,” Dean said as he walked in the room, “do you mind if I-?” He was holding up Cas’ hoodie in his right hand when he paused as he looked around the kitchen and walked towards Cas. “What’re you doin’?” There were dishes everywhere, most with food scraped from inside and the oven was on.

“Um-” Cas said as Dean walked to the recipe book.

“Pie?” he asked and looked to Cas.

“I had caught up with as much work as I could and I started reading up on the pie I’d bought ingredients for and saw how long it took to cook so I thought I’d start it now. Was that wrong?”

“No, no Cas,” Dean said and looked to the recipe before he moved it round to look at it properly. “Pecan pie?” he asked and looked up to Cas again.

“Yes,” Cas said. “You said you like all pie, I just assumed-”

Dean chuckled as he spoke. “Oh, I like pecan pie,” he said and smiled as he looked to Cas again. “When did you put it in the oven?”

Cas looked to the clock. “Ten minutes ago,” he said and looked back to Dean.

Dean looked to the recipe. “Forty to fifty minutes,” he said and then moved to the oven. “If you turn it down a little it’ll take longer to cook, maybe an hour twenty.” He looked to Cas. “I mean, if you don't want to make the burgers now, that’s why I suggested it.”

“If you’re hungry,” Cas said.

Dean hesitated and then shook his head. “No, not yet,” he said.

“Me neither,” Cas added, turning the oven down a little. “Beer?” He went to fridge and took one out to hold out for Dean.

“Yeah,” Dean said and took it, twisting the top off as Cas got his own, “thanks.” He took a drink and exhaled relief. He walked towards the couch and stood behind it.

“What did you want to ask me?” Cas asked.

“Huh?” Dean turned to look at him and then remembered he was holding Cas’ jumper. “Oh, I wondered if I could put this hoodie on again, I’m kinda cold.”

“Yes, of course,” Cas said.

Dean nodded and rushed to put it on, only zipping it up halfway. As he was pulling the zipper up he looked to the remote hanging on the edge of the coffee table in front of the couch and the lazy part of him didn’t want to go around the sofa to pick it up so he decided to lean over the back of the couch to try and grab it.

Cas turned to look and watched him wriggle, he swallowed and turned back around, trying to stamp anything he might have felt down. He told himself that _that_ was not presenting either, why would it be? It’s not like Dean was in heat anymore, was he?

“How are you feeling?” Cas asked and turned to see Dean standing up straight with the remote in his hand as he fixed the sweatshirt.

He looked to Cas and his face was blank for a second. “Oh!” he said and closed his eyes before he nodded. “Yeah, I’m- I’m fine, I’m finished,” he said and Cas nodded twice before he turned back to the worktop as he ran the faucet and wet a cloth before he began to wipe the surface he’d been using.

“Good,” Cas muttered, not looking to see Dean nod sadly and then look back to the TV before he extended his hand and used it to turn the screen on.

 

By the time they had to admit that they were hungry Dean had decided he was making the burgers and neither of them looked as happy with the prospect of dinner as they should have been. Dean rolled up the sleeves of Cas’ hoodie and Cas excused himself to go down to the basement to check if the dryer was finished; he’d washed the sheets earlier and moved them to the dryer while they were watching TV. As he descended the stairs he remembered how Dean had turned and smiled when Cas had come back up and he smiled to himself. But when he opened the dryer door his smile fell and he exhaled while a wave of sadness flushed over him. He would have laid the blame at the heat’s door if it hadn’t been for how different this one was, and then he considered that that was probably exactly why he felt this way. He’d been looking forward to his and Dean’s time together, and not just the sex, the closeness, the talks, the company. _His_ company.

When he took the sheet out and one of the pillow cases fell to the dust on the floor he dipped to pick it up and sighed as he brought it up with him. He huffed in annoyance, it was really his own fault for not sweeping down here but he’d been busy. He couldn’t be everywhere at all times. How could he be down in basement sweeping and upstairs helping Dean through his heat? He couldn’t. He couldn’t be down here folding sheets _and_ answering emails. He put his fingers in the opening of the pillow case and shook it but it fell from his hands again. He sighed and leaned down to pick it up once more as he considered that he couldn’t be trying to keep a good relationship with his boss and protect Dean at the same time. He balled the pillow slip up and - his face tightened with the attempt -  threw it at the wall to the right of the dryer. He wished it had been heavier as he exhaled with the effort it took. He wished it had been something solid that could have smashed and shattered. He would have had to clean it up and maybe replace it but it would have felt better, satisfying.

He turned to his right and saw his shelf unit against the wall, it held detergent and various tablets for cleaning out his machines. He exhaled once before he walked to it and pulled it down with a soft grunt, jumping back two steps out of the way as it clattered to the floor, tablets and thick blue liquid falling to the floor.

The basement door opened and Dean appeared. “Cas, are you okay?” He ran down five of six steps until he saw Cas staring at the mess on the floor. “Cas?”

“Yes,” Cas said and looked to Dean, “I’m fine.” He looked back to the mess. “I tripped and tried to stop myself from falling.” He looked back to Dean and smiled. “I’ll just clean it up and come back upstairs.”

“Okay,” Dean said. “Dinner won’t be long.” He hesitantly backed up a step.

Cas nodded, leaned down to pick up the box of tablets and listened to the sound of Dean walking up the stairs however he didn’t close the door completely over behind himself, leaving it just slightly ajar. Cas looked up to make sure he was out of sight then leaned on all fours and let his head hang. He shook his head. He’d been so efficient at keeping his temper under control, this was the first time since he was a teenager that he’d really reacted like this. But then everything was different now, wasn’t it? Because he’d relinquished control to Dean.

He eventually tidied things as much as possible, resigning himself to cleaning it up properly when Dean had left, and picked the shelf back up. He quickly folded the sheets and hit the pillow case a few times to try and get most of the dust off before he put them in the laundry basket and took the stairs back up. Dean turned to look as Cas closed the door, distinctly not looking at Dean.

“Hon?” Dean said and Cas looked to him. “The table?” he asked. “Isn’t that what you went down there for?”

“Oh,” Cas said and nodded, pulling the door open again. “Yes, of course.” He disappeared again.

Dean went to the door and watched Cas walk down the steps. “Do you need a hand?”

“No,” Cas said but didn’t offer anything else.

“Okay,” Dean said to himself and went back to the oven.

Cas picked up the table with his right hand and used his left to help as he turned back toward the stairs, glancing to the mess on the floor. He hated Amara, that much he couldn’t deny. Three months he’d waited for this week and in one evening her involvement had sullied it, had shortened it and ruined it.

He got to the top of the stairs, in the open doorway and stopped.

 _“Don’t even try ‘cause you can’t ignore her,”_ Dean sang as he moved his hips to the beat he was imagining as he sang, _“She’s my cherry pie!”_ Cas smiled as he watched him and leaned down to put the table against the door to the hallway, trying to avoid it falling like last time. _“Cool drink of water such a sweet surprise. Tastes so good, make a grown man cry. Sweet cherry p-”_ He froze, his eyes moving to the worktop in front of him and then to Cas. “What?” he asked.

“Nothing,” Cas said.

“Then why you watching me?” Dean asked.

“I’m not, I’m listening to you,” Cas said. “You have a nice singing voice.”

Dean chuckled awkwardly, clearly embarrassed. “Didn’t even know I was singing,” he said and lifted his right hand to rub the back of his neck.

“Does it embarrass you?” Cas asked and Dean shrugged. “It shouldn’t,” he said. “I like it.” When Dean looked to the side Cas’ smile fell. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, I apologize.” He walked to the patio doors and pulled one open.

“Cas, no, wait, you didn’t,” Dean said and turned to look at him. “I’m just not used to- And dinner’s ready.” He pointed as he took the pan from the heat.

“I’m just going to get wine,” Cas said and stepped out of the door.

“Right,” Dean said and turned back to the pan. “I’m an idiot,” he muttered to himself. “The guy compliments me and I act like a twelve year old.” He shook his head. “The dude’s seen me completely naked and he can’t listen to me sing?” he asked himself and then shook his head again as he started assembling the burgers.

When Cas came back they instinctively walked to the couch and sat down facing the TV, it was on but neither of them were really watching it. It had become such a routine that neither of them questioned why Cas had brought the table up from the basement at all. Cas of course had used the table as an excuse to take a couple of minutes to prepare himself for what was to come, he’d already taken the time to take it back down to the basement the last time and he hadn’t relished bringing it back up but he’d needed Dean not to be able to see his face. If Dean saw through it then he didn’t make it obvious.

They ate in awkward silence for the best part of fifteen minutes, glancing to each other a few times and sharing awkward smiles when they were caught. Dean looked to the TV when a woman started laughing and then Cas looked.

“Can I- Can I change it?” he asked.

“Yes,” Cas said and nodded as Dean picked up the remote.

He switched a few channels before he stopped and smiled and then looked to Cas quickly, almost as if he'd forgotten he was there. He turned back to the TV and began switching the channels again.

“Wait, what was that?” Cas asked.

“What was what?” Dean asked, turning to look at him.

“What was three channels back?” he asked.

“Nothing,” Dean said, changing another channel.

Cas scoffed and moved closer to Dean on the sofa to reach his right hand across him and wrestle the remote back. “My house, my rules,” Cas said, with a hint of a smile, as Dean gave it up. Cas switched it back but didn’t move from Dean whose eyes hadn’t moved from Cas since he’d moved closer to him. “Dr Sexy?” Cas asked, watching it. “Wasn’t this that show you mentioned days ago?” He turned and looked at Dean. “Do you want to watch it?”

Dean shook his head. “No,” he said softly and then broke himself out of his trance. “No,” he said more forcefully. “I don’t watch it- I’m not a fan.”

Cas watched him. “Why does that feel like a deception?” he asked and Dean looked to him again. He raised his eyebrows.

Somehow Dean actually felt shamed. “It’s a guilty pleasure,” he muttered.

“Then it stays,” Cas said and leaned across Dean to put the remote on his right again.

Dean leaned forward a little wanting to move close enough that Cas could feel his body heat touch his nose to his cheek before he kissed him, it was like he was unable to help himself until Cas turned to look at him and he looked away, leaning back again. Cas watched the movement as he leaned back onto his own space and they resumed their meal.

Dean felt like he had to say something, to explain the TV show or just to take away the tension so he opened his mouth and let it run away with him, hoping it would work out well. “When Sam and I were kids we used to watch rubbish TV in motel rooms,” he said. “He still says it’s all rubbish but for me it wasn’t really what we were watching, it was the two of us together.” He shrugged, wondering where the hell that came from. “Even when I watch them now, yeah I like them but I remember the times I made Sam laugh by imitating them or quoting them, even when he just rolled his eyes and walked away it didn’t matter because it was ours. People might have got the quotes but it wasn’t the same, it was something that we did, just us.”

Cas smiled a little. “We used to do puzzles on a Saturday,” he said. “Anything, it didn’t matter although I was usually better at the math.”

“Oh yeah?” Dean asked. “Good practice for an accountant.”

“Yes, I guess so,” Cas said.

“I wasn’t good with math, it was too much for me,” Dean said.

“I like it, it’s absolute. There are right answers and wrong answers, there is no interpretation or technicalities. It’s the language of the universe.”

“In what way?” Dean asked, putting the last of his burger into his mouth and not waiting to chew it before he added beer.

“It’s in everything,” Cas explained and gestured in front of him. “How that television works can be reduced to equations. How this was cooked,” he said and gestured to his plate, “everything can be expressed in numbers.”

Dean thought about it. “How would you express us in numbers?”

Cas paused and looked to him, he hadn’t expected the question, he thought they were both avoiding the subject of them. “Um,” Cas said and looked to his plate, “that would depend what part you would want to express. For example, how we met could be expressed in percentages of probability.”

“Right,” Dean said. “What about this moment?” Dean had no idea where he was going with this and he hoped Cas would change the subject because he had a very scary notion that he was leading up to some kind of confession and there could only be one thing he would want to confess to Cas: seeing him during his heats wasn’t enough anymore. He wasn’t sure that was something he should admit to another person when he hadn’t really admitted it to himself yet but he was sure that’s where it would go.

“This moment?” Cas asked and Dean hummed. “I would express it-” Cas tried to think where Dean expected this conversation to go and why he seemed to be pushing it in the direction of talking about the arrangement they had. And then he thought he knew. Dean could only be pushing this subject if this arrangement wasn’t working for him anymore. He then decided it made sense: that was why Dean had been insistent about it – he wanted out. He swallowed, deciding to let Dean off of the hook, he didn’t want him feeling guilty, he’d had fun. In fact, it’d probably been the best time of his life. “I would express it in hours,” Cas said. “Counting down.” He took the last bite of his burger while Dean’s stomach twisted in pain.

“Yeah,” Dean said and brought his stock smile out; life sucked, he’d deal with it later. “Better not waste them then,” he said and smiled when Cas looked to him.

“Exactly,” Cas said.

As if by some twisted magic, instead of making the night more awkward and painful it seemed to take the tension out of the room. Dean had decided that while Cas may not be on the verge of throwing him out he was anxious to get back to his real life, that’s why he’d been catching up with work and emails and why he’d cooked the pie so early. Dean figured that maybe he was now regretting what he’d offered Dean, that he was now seeing it as a burden and he privately conceded that he was an idiot to think that someone could really offer him help with every heat however he had helped Dean and, if nothing else, he’d helped him give his body a much needed break from those tablets and he'd made Dean feel like he never had before the idea of being touched wasn't as terrifying as it was before, the idea of leaning on someone other than his brother wasn't as nauseating at before. He would forever be grateful for that.

Cas however had independently decided that Dean was the one who’d had enough and was trying to let him down gently but could only think of how much Dean had done for him in the time they’d had together, how, yes he might need some books on anger management in the future, but he felt more in control now than ever; he’d been kidding himself that never touching anyone ever had been control when it had been completely negating the need for control at all. He wasn’t limiting his intake, he was starving himself. Dean had taught him more about himself, who he was, what he wanted and what he was capable of, than he’d known in his entire life. He’d even reminded him of things he’d let himself forget, such as his love for accounting and how great his childhood was, and, if nothing else, he could thank him for that.

They resigned themselves to an end where they tried to be thankful for what they’d had and the little time they had left so the conversation opened up to Cas’ job, the few people he worked with, including his assistant, Becky, and her obsession with online stories. Dean spoke more about Bobby, coming out and Sam’s magic phase. Cas spoke passionately about religion and just as passionately about how we were all responsible for saving the bees – Dean learned more about honey bees did for the planet in that night than he ever thought existed about honey bees and, he wouldn’t admit it, but he enjoyed it. Dean spoke about his passion for taking things apart and figuring out how they worked, how he’d put them back together again or convert them to other things; such as that time he turned an old Walkman into a Geiger counter.

It was hours later before they decided to get some of the pie, although neither of them noted time passing except for the changing of the programs on TV but they’d muted them around the time Cas started talking about bees. They were getting tired, a lot later than the sun in the sky had, but neither wanted to admit it.

They'd laughed with each other as Cas went to get the pie, Dean following him to the kitchen while he told Cas about the first time that he realized Sam was scared of clowns. Cas put slices of the pie onto two plates while Dean opened his hoodie, grabbed more beer and listened to Cas telling Dean about the time that he and one of the foster boys his parents helped when he was older found some beer, mistook it for ginger ale and got drunk. The story involved running away from Cas’ parents and hiding at a nearby fishing spot until dark and then walking into the wrong house and only realizing when Cas watched his brother fall down the basement steps, thinking it was the utility room, they’d managed to eat their pie as Cas spoke. Dean interrupting him briefly at the beginning to tell him that the pie was amazing.

“I can’t imagine you drunk,” Dean said as they sat back on the couch, once the story was told.

“Why not?” Cas asked, Cas’ right arm on the couch behind Dean.

“I don’t know,” Dean said and leaned back, looking at him as he rubbed his full stomach and already thinking about another slice. “Maybe it’s the idea that you wouldn’t be in control that’s throwing me.”

“You’ve seen me without control,” Cas said.

“Have I?” Dean asked. “It’s hard to be sure, with you.”

Cas paused, taking in the point. “Maybe you’re right,” he said. “Maybe I wouldn’t know. But it’s the least control I’ve had in a long time. I gave it to you.”

Dean looked over his face. “I don’t want you to give up control _to me,_ Cas,” Dean said. “I want you to be able to let go _with me_ if you want to.”

“I do,” Cas said, lifting his right hand gently running the fingers through the right side Dean’s hair. Dean didn’t look to the movement or seem weirded out by it. He just sat there and stared back at Cas. Cas inhaled, if he was ever going to ask Dean about their arrangement he felt like now was the time to do it, while he could. “Dean-”

The beer bottle had gone lose in Dean’s hand and it tipped towards him, Dean felt it move and looked at it as Cas said his name and shot up. “Crap!” he said and stood, beer dripping down his t-shirt. He lifted the edge to stop it dripping to the floor more and ran to the kitchen sink while Cas stood and turned to watch him.

“Crap,” Dean repeated. “I don’t have another shirt. Uh, I need to wash the beer from my pants,” Dean said and looked over his head. “Could I borrow a shirt?”

“Of course,” Cas said, watched Dean walk to the doorway and heard him take the stairs. Cas hesitated and then followed him.

“I’m gonna-” Dean gestured to the bathroom.

“I’ll find you a shirt,” Cas said and made for his bedroom.

Dean sighed in the bathroom, annoyed at himself. He pulled the t-shirt over his head and ran the faucet, using one of Cas’ sponges that he’d been using to wash during his heat to wipe his stomach and then the front of his pants. He alternated, not sure which he wanted to clean more. He gave up quickly and figured he could change when he got home so he dumped the sponge, turned the faucet off and picked up his shirt before he walked along the landing to the bedroom. Cas had fixed the sheets a little and was standing by a drawer before he turned at Dean’s entrance, his eyes dropping to Dean’s chest.

“I gave up,” Dean said, gesturing to the t-shirt he now held in a bundle in his hand.

“Leave it here and I’ll wash it for you,” he said.

“Okay,” Dean said and threw it to the basket in the corner. “Thanks.”

“Do you have a preference?” Cas asked, looking in the drawer. He looked to Dean as he walked to stand beside him.

Dean peaked in the drawer and saw three shirts at the left hand side. “Three?” he asked and put his hand in to pull the top one out, double checking that he’d counted right. “You can’t only have three shirts?”

“I don’t wear them,” Cas said and looked down to the one he was wearing. “Well-” He shrugged. “Not usually.”

Dean looked at him and then to the t-shirt he had in his hand, it was just a plain navy blue one and Dean put it against his chest to check that it would fit. “They look good on you,” he said, concentrating on the t-shirt. He looked in the drawer again and then to Cas. He put it against Cas’ front and nodded. “Yeah, blue’s out.” He halfheartedly folded it and put it back in the drawer, taking an army green one out.

“Why is blue out?” Cas asked, looking down as Dean put the t-shirt against him, considering it.

“Because you suit blue,” Dean said. “I don’t want to steal your blue shirt.”

Cas’ smile fell and he looked to the t-shirt in the drawer; it was true, Dean wasn’t coming back. He couldn't steal it if he was coming back. “Well, maybe you’d better take your shirt with you then.” Cas looked to Dean. “I wouldn’t want to keep you from wearing it.”

Dean hesitated a second before he lowered his hand. “Yeah,” he said, feeling like that was as close to confirming they were done that he was going to get, and gestured to the t-shirt. “Clashes with your eyes.”

Cas shrugged. “I wouldn’t know,” he said and watched Dean pull the shirt over his head before he walked to the corner of the room and picked up his discarded shirt again. He gestured it in his hand with a sad smile as he walked away. “Thanks for the loan.”

“It’s no problem,” Cas said. “It suits you,” he offered as he closed the drawer.

Dean walked towards the door and, as he registered the darkness around them, he glanced to the clock, it was nearly one in the morning. “Wow,” he said and when Cas looked to him he looked to the clock.

“Oh,” Cas said and Dean stopped to look at him. “I could drive you-” He stopped. “I’ve been drinking, I can’t.”

Dean smiled and nodded. “It’s okay, I’ll call a cab.” He turned to the doorway.

“Or you could stay here,” Cas said and Dean stopped, turning around. “I could drive you in the morning.”

“What about your work?” Dean asked.

“I still have two days of leave left,” Cas said.

“Right,” Dean said. “How could I forget?” He looked to Cas desk and then back to the clock. “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“Why would you make me uncomfortable?” Cas asked.

“Well, being here out of my heat,” Dean said.

Cas’ eyes narrowed. “I get the feeling that I’m not the one that would make uncomfortable.”

“I just don’t want to overstep some boundary,” Dean explained.

“That’s fine,” Cas said and walked towards Dean, heading out of the door.

“No, wait, Cas,” Dean said, turning around to watch Cas walk away. He stopped at the top of the stairs and looked to Dean, his left hand on the banister. “I didn’t mean-” He exhaled, he didn’t even know what he was supposed to have said wrong.

“Dean, I wouldn’t have asked you to stay if I didn’t want you to,” he said and then walked down the stairs.

Dean sighed to himself and followed him, when he got downstairs Cas was clearing away the plates and beer bottles. “Let me do that,” Dean said and followed him.

“I can take care of it,” Cas said and gestured to the desk. “The telephone is over there.”

Dean looked to it and then down to the floor. “Ask me,” he said.

“I’m sorry?” Cas asked as he turned around to look at Dean.

Dean looked up from the floor to Cas. “Ask me to stay,” he said. “Don’t say it’s too late to go home or too expensive to get a cab or you’ve been drinking or whatever. If you want me to stay, ask me.”

Cas held his gaze a few seconds longer before he said, “Stay another night, I want you to.”

Dean lifted his head an inch or two and then nodded. “Okay,” he said and turned to face the TV. “Uh, are you going to bed right now?” He turned back.

“You don’t have to,” Cas said as he walked to the back door and locked it.

“No, I’m a little tired,” Dean said. "Or I'll just keep spilling beer everywhere."

“Okay,” Cas said. “I’ll take care of everything down here.”

Dean nodded. “I’ll just-” He pointed his thumb back over his shoulder to the doorway.

“Of course,” Cas said and Dean watched him a second longer before he ran upstairs, ducking into the bathroom for a moment to have a mental conversation with himself in the mirror. He stared at his own reflection, he wasn’t sure what he was feeling; he figured he was relieved that he wasn’t leaving just yet but he was also bogged down with a feeling of woe because he felt like he was just prolonging the inevitable. He splashed his face and brushed his teeth while he battled it out in the mirror.

Meanwhile, downstairs Cas had rinsed the plates, put them in the dishwasher, checked to see there was in fact no beer everywhere then wiped a drop or two from the coffee table, turned everything off and locked the front door properly before he took the stairs himself as Dean was coming out of the bathroom.

“I just need to get ready for bed,” Cas said, by way of explanation as he stepped towards the bathroom. Dean nodded, standing beside the linen closet and watched Cas close the door behind him.

Cas began to fill the sink and leaned on it, watching the water running as he thought about everything that had happened. It was all too much to think about. All he knew was that it seemed like tonight was all they had and he was thankful considering he thought he’d be watching Dean drive away by now. He just needed to enjoy it while he had it and he’d deal with the fallout when it was gone.

When he was done he stepped out of the bathroom, freezing as he turned the light off to see Dean still standing where he’d left him.

Dean saw the confusion on Cas’ face before the bathroom light had gone out.

“Um,” Dean said, “I- Which room do you want me in?” Dean asked.

Cas thought about telling Dean to take whichever one he wanted but instead something in him reminded him of what he’d told himself in the bathroom – that this was it and to enjoy it. So, he found himself saying, “Do you really need me to answer that?” He smiled before realized he’d forgot to pee so he ducked back into the bathroom.

“I guess not,” Dean said to himself before he walked towards Cas’ room, he glanced behind him as he heard the toilet flush and then pushed the door open.

He looked at Cas’ bed and wondered if he’d see it again, after tonight. He walked to the desk while he unzipped the hoodie and draped it over the chair again, looking out he saw that the lamplight outside of Cas’ house wasn’t working and, looking along the street in both directions he saw that it was the only one. He felt some sense of déjà vu and he remembered being in Cas’ car all those years ago as they pulled up in front of his house, it didn’t work then either. Some things never change.

He turned when he heard the door close and Cas stood there, his right hand still on the door knob.

“Hey,” Dean said.

“Hello, Dean,” Cas said, as if he’d just turned up at his front door. Dean wished that were true, because then they’d have seven more days together.

“I put it back where I found it,” Dean said, gesturing to the hoodie. “It wasn’t in the wardrobe.”

“That’s fine,” Cas said and walked to the bed as he pulled his t-shirt over his head.

Just going for it then, Dean thought. Okay.

He walked to this side of the bed, his front eclipsed by the light that was coming through the window. And then pulled Cas’ t-shirt over his own head. They watched each other as they undressed, eye contact maintained the entire time.

Cas undressed first and he got into the bed, underpants still on, lying on his back but still watching Dean until he began to get into the bed too, he pulled at the back of his underwear, they felt weird after nearly five days of not wearing any.

When Cas looked away Dean’s eyes lingered and then he found himself on his back next to him, the both of them staring at the ceiling. Cas felt his right hand wasn’t sitting naturally and he wiggled his fingers, his pinky touching Dean’s hand and he froze. Dean looked at him and he could barely manage a glance, something snapped in Dean, he was dying to touch Cas and he figured what did he have to lose here.

“Screw this,” Dean said and turned to Cas, leaning over him as Cas turned his head to look and kissed him.

Cas closed his eyes and lifted his left hand to Dean’s jaw as Dean’s right hand slipped under his shoulder and rested under the pillow to support himself. He didn’t leave it there long before he thought better of it and ran it back down, moving it to Cas’ hip instead and then his side. Cas was warm under Dean’s palm but his touch activated goose pimples all over him.

They kissed like this, too scared to take it further, before a thought occurred to Cas and he pulled away quickly, hope in his voice and chest, “Are you still in need?”

“Not in the same way,” Dean said, the ‘unfortunately’ hanging unsaid but felt in the air. “But I did promise you something I haven’t done yet.” His mind was full of it now, the memory of their conversation had popped into his head and the tiredness he’d felt downstairs was gone now. There was only one way to get the idea out of his head.

“What?” Cas asked.

Dean bit his lip briefly while he considered what to say. “You wanted me to fuck you,” Dean said. “Before I left.”

Cas swallowed, the idea of Dean leaving stung but couldn’t deter the stirrings in his abdomen. “Do _you_ want-?”

Dean scoffed and pulled Cas’ left hand under the cover and pressed it against his underwear, his hard penis obvious. “Open your legs and you’ll find out,” he said, letting Cas’ hand go but Cas stroked him.

Cas moved his left leg out, lifting up to pull his underwear down with his right hand – his left still busy. Dean helped him, moving on the bed so that Cas could lift his right leg and unhook them from his foot before Dean helped him do the same at the other side.

“Hard?” Cas asked as Dean threw them off of the bed.

Dean smiled as he shifted on the bed to settle on his knees in between Cas’ legs and leaned on his elbows. “As hard and fast as you want it,” he said.

“What if I want it slow?” Cas asked.

Dean looked over his face and nodded. “Yeah,” he said. “Sounds good.”

Dean moved his right hand back, pushing his underwear down over his buttocks. When Cas leaned forward, using his own right hand to help Dean, Dean kissed his neck sloppily. He lifted his right hand once more to cup Cas’ face, pushing his lips against the right side of Cas’ neck. He then moved his right hand back under Cas’ left leg and lifted it, looking down and positioning himself. He hesitated before he lifted up onto his knees a little more and grunted as he pushed his own fingers into his hole. Cas watched him intently, wondering what he was doing but definitely interested either way. Dean looked up at him as he moved his fingers in and out.

Cas leaned forward to kiss his chest, his left hand going to Dean’s and guiding it, pushing in harder. When Dean gasped and then exhaled a laugh he smiled and sucked on Dean’s left nipple.

“Lie back,” Dean managed to say breathlessly.

Cas stopped and then sucked on the skin next to Dean’s nipple just before he pushed Dean’s hand again. Dean moved his own hand out so Cas lifted his head to look at Dean and then lay back, his eyes instantly falling to Dean’s hand between his leg.

“Do it again,” he said. Dean cocked an eyebrow at him and Cas just shrugged. He saw Dean smile and then close his eyes as he pushed his finger back inside himself. “Are you wet?” Cas asked, surprising Dean who started to open his eyes but Cas pushed his hand further in and Dean’s eyes closed, he bit his bottom lip to stop himself making noise above a hum.

Cas thought about asking where this was going but decided to just wait and find out so he let his hand drag up and gently roll one of Dean’s testicles in his palm before he smiled to himself when Dean groaned.

His hands dropped when Dean moved his hand out, opening his eyes to look at Cas and then to his hand. He made a show of letting Cas see it, it was covered in Dean’s own lubricant and Cas watched him move his hand to his tip where he wiped it off and smeared it around as much of his penis as he could.

“Oh,” Cas said and took in the sight.

“May as well use it,” Dean said and moved his hand to Cas’ hole, wiping some off there even as Cas twitched. “Is that okay?” Dean asked, belatedly, as he leaned forward, his right hand on his penis and his left leaning on the mattress.

“Yes,” Cas said and looked over his face as Dean looked down to position himself again. The light from outside was on the left side of Dean’s face and it caught the slight sheen of sweat along his hairline. Cas could feel him hesitantly nudge his tip at Cas’ hole. Dean looked up when Cas ran his hand through Dean’s hair. He smiled and looked down again. “Do it,” Cas said.

“Just don’t wanna hurt you,” Dean said. “You uh-” He bit his lip. “Have you been making my job easier?” Cas narrowed his eyes in confusion. “Jeez, Cas,” Dean said. “When was the last time you amused yourself like this?”

Cas’ eyes relaxed in understanding. “Recently enough,” was all he said and the images that crossed Dean’s mind make his cock twitch in his hand. “It won’t hurt,” Cas assured him.

“Okay,” Dean said, his eyes darting over Cas’ face before he looked down and pushed, finding that Cas was right he looked up to Cas as he slid all of the way in. He watched Cas’ eyes close and his head hang back while he groaned, his hand fell from Dean’s hair to his shoulder and then to lie on his own chest.

Dean leaned forward and roughly kissed Cas’ lips while he let his right hand sit on Cas’ hip before he stroked down the outside of his leg. He held the back of Cas’ knee and pulled out enough to slowly push back in. He broke the kiss and looked at Cas.

“Slow like that?” he asked. “Tell me what you want.”

“That’s-” Cas swallowed as he nodded and Dean felt Cas right hand on his hip. “Again.”

Dean smiled and did as he was told, watching Cas’ mouth open and a whimper escape in the form of an exhale. “Yeah?” he asked.

“Yes,” Cas said and nodded, his hand pushing on Dean’s hip again.

Dean moved to the rhythm Cas’ hand set, he wasn’t sure if Cas was unable to ask in words of if he just preferred to show him but either way Dean didn’t move unless Cas gestured for him to, in or out, faster or slower.

By the time they were grunting into each other’s mouths neither was sure who was in charge anymore. Dean dipped his head and sucked on the skin on the right side of Cas’ neck. The moonlight was far away but in the absence of a street light outside Cas’ home it had been the only thing to light up Dean’s face and it now fell onto Cas’, running over Dean’s back and his buttocks, his underwear sitting on his upper legs. The sheets were clinging to their skin but were going to lose their grasp soon as Dean and Cas battled not to go faster and race to the end, both of them trying to stretch it, savor it and remember it.

He felt when Dean’s grip on his jaw tightened and when his kiss became somehow firmer but less precise and Cas broke the kiss to watch him hang his head a little and tighten all of his features.

“Are you going to cum, Dean?” Cas asked, rolling his hips with Dean’s as he slowed.

“No,” Dean said and his hand went to Cas’ hips to stop them. “Stop.”

“What’s wrong?” Cas asked.

“You- You’re not with me,” Dean said and lifted his head to look at Cas. “I want you to cum.” He kissed him. “I want to make you-”

“Then don’t stop,” Cas said and pushed his hand away from his hip.

Dean groaned and stilled them again. “I’ll cum if you do that,” he said breathlessly.

“Then cum,” Cas whispered to him, moving his left hand down to his own cock. “I’ll catch you up.” He stroked himself and Dean looked down, watching his hand. He was too far gone to argue, especially with that sight. His head whipped up when Cas moaned and then he let go of Cas’ hips and moved his own again, Cas moaning louder. “Dean-” Cas nodded, as if Dean had asked a question.

Dean however was trying to watch Cas’ face and hand at the same time, while they moved together again, and a result he just looked like a bobblehead that was wobbling with the thrusts. Cas swapped to his right hand as his movements became less certain and his left hand shot out to Dean’s own hips and then to his face, bringing him in for a kiss.

“Fast,” Cas said.

“Fast?” Dean asked and Cas nodded.

Dean barely managed to pick up his speed before he started to cum, Cas hand on his hip helped him ride through it while Dean moaned and stuttered his way through it. Cas on the other hand – pun intended – began to speed his strokes but didn’t get far before Dean pushed his hand away and took over himself. He had barely recovered but he was determined that he was the one that was going to make Cas finish, not himself, and he broke out into a smile when Cas whimpered and then moaned his name as he spurted everywhere.

Dean leaned over him, careful not to touch Cas’ semen on his chest and kissed his lips. Cas hummed as he kissed him back, fatigue from the past five days and from ejaculating made his arms lie on the bed like jelly but Dean didn’t seem to be as exhausted as he pushed his tongue into Cas’ mouth and had to stop himself from rolling Cas over on top of him.

When they broke apart they smiled at each other, Cas’ seemed more tired than Dean but equally content. Dean stroked his right thumb over Cas’ cheek and kissed him once more. Dean leaned over to the bedside table and got some tissues before he cleaned up Cas’ stomach, Cas watched him the whole time.

“Thank you,” Cas said, his eyelids heavy.

“Well, you look too tired to be doing anything right now,” Dean said and put them on the floor for want of a trash can in his vicinity. “Looks like you’ll be fast asleep by the time we fall apart.”

Cas shook his head. “Not stuck together,” he said.

Dean looked down to where they were attached, realizing that he was the one inside of Cas and not the other way around. “Oh,” he said and looked up to Cas, “that’s true.” He watched Cas chuckle tiredly and his smile fell – it was time to go. “Right,” he said as he looked down and pulled himself out.

Cas groaned in displeasure and then looked up when Dean leaned up on the mattress to pull his underwear on. “I uh-” Dean said. “I better go, let you sleep,” he said and shuffled towards the side of the bed to get up.

“I didn’t bring you up here to have sex, Dean,” Cas said, leaning up on his right elbow.

“I know,” Dean said. “I didn’t kiss you expecting to-”

“But you _were_ going to stay anyway,” Cas interrupted and Dean looked over his shoulder at him. “So why are you running away now that we’ve had sex? Was that all you were here for?”

“No!” Dean said. “How can you ask me that?”

“Because that’s what it looks like,” Cas said.

Dean sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. “I didn’t stay for sex, I stayed because I wanted to.” He looked to Cas, his eyes drifting to Cas’ chest. “I still do.”

“Then get back in bed, Dean,” Cas said and began to pull the sheet up. “Before it gets cold.”

Dean slowly smiled and nodded. “Let me just go take a leak,” he said and stood up, walking around the bed, glancing to Cas as he turned on his side, pulling the sheet up. He exited the room and got to the bathroom.

He looked in the mirror and exhaled hard then shook his head. He knew this was a bad idea but he also knew he was going to do it anyway, because he’d expected seven days with Cas so five was better than four, even it made walking away harder. 

Cas lay there remembering how, all of those years ago, he'd gone to sleep in the same house as Dean and woken up to him gone. He tried to keep himself awake to make sure Dean would come back from he bathroom but his eyes wouldn't stop hooding over and in the end his body gave out.

He'd just have to find out in the morning.


	6. Chapter 6

Cas woke up in the morning with movement downstairs, he opened his eyes and then turned his head to the left, seeing the bed was empty. He slowly raised up and saw that Dean’s clothes were gone. He heard Dean come back upstairs but narrowed his eyes when he noticed that his footsteps were creeping; it sounded like Dean was trying not to wake him up. He lay back in the bed and closed his eyes just before he heard the bedroom door open a little and then all of the way.

Dean crept into the bedroom and looked around, focusing on Cas’ face, making sure he didn’t wake him. He was fully dressed, Cas' t-shirt sat on his chest, and he had clearly showered. He looked around until he found his balled up t-shirt and then retreated out of the room.

Cas sat up and then sighed to himself; Dean was sneaking out again, he wasn’t even going to say goodbye to Cas or explain that he wouldn’t see him again, he was just going to run away and pretend that everything was fine. Cas closed his eyes and tried to swallow the hurt in his throat. He could hear his therapist telling him to get up and go and confront him but he shook his head. Then he saw her self-satisfied smirk, she would be happy with herself for knowing that he would react this way. Cas found that that made him angry and so he dragged himself up out of bed then along the landing. He heard Dean talking and when he stood at the top of the dark landing he watched Dean who was sitting on the stairs slowly putting his shoes on.

“No, I’m still in Kansas,” he said, keeping his voice low, and paused, Cas figured out he was holding a cellphone between his left ear and his shoulder. “No, I’m not at home…” He scoffed. “Yeah, course, because I’m all about one-night stands,” he said sarcastically. “I’m not whispering,” he said. “This is a normal level.”

Cas didn’t care how much his therapist smirked, he couldn’t do it. If Dean wanted to sneak out then he could, he couldn’t even tell his brother – who Cas assumed was on the phone – where he was. He walked silently back along the landing, trying to decide if Dean going without a word was better than him explaining to Cas’ face that he didn’t want to see him again, maybe pretending everything was fine was better.

Dean took the phone in his right hand so that he could turn to look up the stairs behind him to make sure he hadn’t woken Cas. “It’s like six in the morning, excuse me if I don’t feel like screaming down the phone. Anyway,” he said and faced forward, tucking the phone again so he could pull a boot on, “stop screwing around and give me the skinny.” He paused again. “Yeah, but I’ll need to swing by the apartment to-” He stopped as the other person spoke again. “No, not to change clothes,” he lied. “No, I was gonna say to grab my badge and gun and anything else we need from the office, save me going to the base.” He nodded. “Right, so what are we dealing with and get to the point, I wanna get ahead of rush hour.”

Cas had resigned himself to falling asleep before Dean left, in fact he was counting on it because he knew that the sound of his front door closing would cut into him more than it ever had done before. So when he heard footsteps on the stairs, louder than before, he let himself be a little confused but figured Dean was using the bathroom. He glanced around the room and couldn’t see anything else Dean had left but when he heard Dean definitely walking towards his room he panicked and turned on his side away from the door, hoping Dean wouldn’t noticed that he’d changed. He heard the door open and closed his eyes, in case Dean saw him.

Dean walked to the bed and lifted on his tiptoes to look around, seeing Cas’ eyes closed he came down from his tiptoes and looked to his right, at the door. He considered leaving a note, on the fridge, but then remembered the last time. And then he wondered if Cas was serious about this being _the_ last time. He knew he really didn’t want that but really wasn’t sure if he could walk out of the door knowing that he hadn’t at least tried to make sure it wasn’t.

He took step back towards the door and then stopped. He really couldn’t do it.

He turned around and walked around the bed, Cas tried not to show his surprise when Dean sat down on the bed in the space created between his stomach and lap by his bent legs or when Dean’s right hand went to his face and ran his fingers through Cas’ hair.

“Cas?” Dean said and leaned in to kiss Cas’ cheek. “Honey?” he said in Cas’ ear and Cas’ face tensed in pain so he had to pretend he was waking up when Dean reacted to it. “Cas?”

Cas hummed in response and opened his eyes to look at Dean and smiled. “Hello,” he said, trying to push down the pain of knowing he might not see that face again.

“Hey,” Dean said and smiled. “Sorry to wake you up.”

“It’s okay,” Cas said and yawned. “What time is it?” he asked as he looked to the window, knowing already that the sun was up but the sky was still fresh.

“It’s just after six,” Dean said.

Cas’ eyes widened. “You don’t strike me as an early riser.”

“I am when I’ve got work to go to,” Dean said. “That was Garth on my cell, a hunter I work with, he’s in Pasadena and needs my help.”

“Pasadena?” Cas asked and Dean nodded. “That’s over a thousand miles away.”

“Yeah, I know, but there's no one else. S'gonna take me like a day and a half to get there and I have to drop by my apartment first but it’s a serial rapist, he’s at a loose end and they’re my specialty.”

“Loose ends or rapists?” Cas asked, knowing the answer.

Dean smiled weakly. “Both,” he said, avoiding the answer. “So I gotta make an early start but I didn’t want to run out on you without saying goodbye.” He tilted his head and Cas thought he saw a shine in his eye. “Not again.”

Cas lifted his right hand just as a tear fell from Dean’ left eye and wiped it before it had a real chance to run.

Dean laughed and looked to the side. “I don’t know why that happened.” He sniffed.

“Hormones,” Cas said, thinking he was stating the obvious but actually giving Dean an out.

“Must be,” Dean said. “So look-”

Cas shook his head. “You don’t have to say it, Dean,” Cas said. “Just go.”

Dean paused. “What?” he said.

“I know what you’re going to say, you don’t have to explain, just go,” Cas said, wiping where the tear had fell again.

Dean’s face showed hurt before he whispered, “I don’t want to just go, Cas.” Cas’ eyes narrowed as he didn’t understand. “I understand that this is your choice but-”

“Wait, what is _my_ choice?” Cas asked.

“This being the end of the line for us,” Dean said.

Cas’ whole face twisted into confusion, almost aggressive in its intensity. “What? That’s not _my_ choice, that’s what you want.”

Dean shook his head. “I don’t want that? I thought you did.”

“What made you think that?” Cas asked.

“Well I-” Dean started. “I don’t know!” he said as if Cas was out of order for asking. “What made _you_ think that?”

“I don’t know either,” Cas said.

“So we’re both idiots?” Dean asked.

“I guess so,” Cas conceded and Dean nodded, looking to the side. Resigning himself to thinking it all out during the drive, he was going to do that anyway so there was no point in wasting this time doing it.

“Look,” Dean said and looked to him, “I really do have to go or Garth will kill me, the dude doesn’t look like he could take me but he holds up the silent treatment better than anyone.” Dean cut his hand in the air and Cas smiled, making Dean smile too. “But I had a look at your calendar downstairs and I don’t want to screw the next heat up so I worked it out, assuming everything goes to plan what’re you doing on the seventeenth?”

“February?” Cas asked.

“Yeah,” Dean said.

“Nothing,” Cas said.

“Well, d’you wanna just come to mine then, instead of me calling you at the last minute?” His hand was still stroking through Cas’ hair and it was so soothing Cas felt like he might fall back asleep right there. “Cas?” he asked.

Cas inhaled and blinked hard, forcing his eyes open. “Sorry,” he said. “February seventh?” he asked.

“Seventeenth,” Dean said and Cas nodded. “I can just call if you want?”

“No,” Cas said and shook his head. “No, I’ll come to yours, what day is it?”

“Friday,” Dean said.

“Okay,” Cas said. “Write it on the calendar for me.”

“Yeah, okay,” Dean said and smiled before it fell. “Are you for real or are you just saying yes but really you’re just not gonna turn up and-?”

“I’ll turn up, Dean,” Cas said. “I want to.” He tried to suppress a yawn but couldn’t. “I apologize.”

“S’alright,” Dean said. “I gotta hit the road.”

“Okay,” Cas said and Dean looked over his face, his eyes lingering on Cas’ lips, before he turned and made to move away.

Cas grabbed the lapel of his leather jacket and Dean turned back to look at him. Cas tugged it towards him and Dean leaned down, noticing that Cas wanted him to kiss him he did just that. Cas wrapped his left arm around Dean’s neck and Dean’s right hand went to his back to support him as the action lifted him from the bed. Cas had no idea where it came from, it was like he’d done it without thinking and when they slowly pulled apart Dean cleared his throat, swallowing before he opened his eyes to look at Cas.

“What was that for?” he asked, unsure of what it meant.

Cas shook his head. “I don’t know,” he said. “I- I just did it.”

They shared a stare before Dean’s cellphone rang and Cas looked to the side, fear bubbling in him as he pushed himself to sitting up and, being aware that Dean was watching him, he pushed himself not to wipe his mouth.

“Winchester,” Dean said when he’d answered the phone.

 _“Dean, do you still know that judge in Merillville, IN?”_ Ellen asked.

“Yeah,” Dean said and gestured to the door to which Cas nodded. “What’s up?” he asked Ellen as he headed out of the door and along the landing, looking back to the doorway.

 _“I’m chasing an AWI_ _,”_ Dean hummed that he was listening as he took the stairs down and walked into the living area and crossed to the kitchen while she spoke, _“and we think he was hiding at the ex-girlfriend’s house.”_

“Right,” Dean said as he looked around for a pen.

 _“But when we got there she said she hadn’t heard from him since he got picked up, except that the next day a neighbor told us he’d seen the guy at her house,”_ she explained.

Dean found a pen in the drawer and bit the lid off, dropping it onto the counter and tucked the cellphone to flick through the calendar. He flicked past January and then flicked back. “So, did you go back?” he asked.

 _“She wasn’t there,”_ Ellen explained. _“We think she’s done a bunk.”_

Dean nodded as he circled his birthday and wrote ‘Buy Dean birthday pie’ and then moved to February and wrote ‘Bring Dean his pie’ in the seventeenth.

“Right,” he said as he dropped the calendar sheets back into place and pushed the lid back on the pen before he tossed it back in the drawer. “And you need the locals to come bust the door?” he asked.

 _“Yeah,”_ Ellen said, “ _but they keep telling us that it’s not a priority._ ”

Dean nodded as he headed for the front door. “Isn’t that what they always say?” he asked and pulled the door over behind him.

 _“Are you at the base?”_ she asked.

“No,” Dean said. “I’m on my way home to grab some stuff and head out to Pasadena,” he explained, hoping she wouldn’t ask where he was.

 _“Oh, is Garth okay?”_ she asked.

“Yeah, just needs a partner,” he said and looked around.

The man and his bulldog weren’t on their porch yet, the house across the street had no children playing in the yard and the car was still there. The lights were still on along the street, all except the one in front of Cas’ house, and there was a cat sitting at the end of Cas’ path, licking its left paw. It locked eyes with Dean and he mentally told it to stay the hell away from him as he walked over the lawn to avoid it as he walked down the street. It stood up and followed him a few steps.

“I’ll get onto Judge Andrews,” Dean said, looking behind him and seeing the cat walking towards him he started jogging away. “I’ll call him after eight, he won’t thank me for waking him up.”

 _“Thanks hun,”_ Ellen said and Dean stopped running when he saw the cat had lost interest in him.

“Yeah,” Dean said and exhaled as he kept walking. “No problem.” He hung up and kept walking until he spotted a taxi and hailed it.

>><< 

Once he got to the apartment he checked his mailbox, took out the mail without checking it, took the stairs up to his floor and opened his apartment door. He went inside and changed his clothes, looking at Cas’ t-shirt on his bed as he pulled one of his own and took his balled up shirt from his jacket pocket and threw it in the laundry. He got the permit for his work-gun and then went into his office to retrieve it and his FRA badge which he fixed to his belt. He opened one of the top drawers that had ‘of age’ and inside the file were split into two parts – victims and perpetrators. The perpetrators section had also been split into – guilty and not guilty/acquitted/mistrial. The victims section had previously been named ‘survivors’ but had been scored out and renamed when one of the cases Dean worked ended in a mistrial and the victim killed himself. He flicked through the perpetrators sections and took out three files of convicts that he knew had connections and had previously hid others who had jumped bail.

He then closed the file and leaned down on his knees, he ignored the middle drawer which had ‘under age’ written on it and had the same system inside. However much it disgusted him not every sexual predator went after those over the age of consent and, something he would further not understand, not all sexual predators were of age either.

The bottom drawer merely said ‘leads’ and inside it was split into each of the fifty states, there were also folders for Canada, Mexico, South America as well as general files for the other continents of the world which were slowly becoming thicker as the years went on. He went to the California file and flicked through it, looking for the Pasadena collection which were a few pieces of paper stapled together detailing known hang-outs, money-making opportunities and known grab sights for future victims. He took it and closed the drawer before he stood up.

When he went into the living room he checked the machine and found there was a message from Sam which was clearly a pocket-dial while he was drunk. Dean listened to it as he put his jacket on and smiled when he heard that Sam was chatting up some chick.

“That’s my boy,” Dean said.

He listened to a garbled message from Rufus saying he’d spoken to another hunter up in Alaska who was having trouble with someone Dean had hunted about four years ago and asked Dean to give him a call. Dean scrawled the number down and grabbed his mail and kit bag as he headed out.

On his way down the stairs he dialed the number and waited for the guy to pick up. As he went down he didn’t think too much about the mail. He usually left it until the job was over but after being away for nearly a week he figured it’d be better to check it, plus it might give him something to do when he’d grab a pit stop on his way to meet Garth, other than rehash the past few days and why they both thought the other wanted out. He had his laptop and magazines in his kit bag but he’d done it anyway.

Later, when he was working with Garth and the man had repeatedly asked him why he seemed to be deep in thought, why he seemed far away and expressed anxiety that if his head wasn’t in the game he might get shot, Dean assured him he was fine. And then he’d try to decide whether he wished he hadn’t brought his mail or not. He thought about burning the letter but that wouldn’t do anything, it wouldn’t stop what it’d said being true. He wished he’d just spent the entire time thinking about Cas.

Dean managed not to get shot but a part of him wished he had, purely for something else to focus on. Garth had even caught him prodding the wound in his knee where he’d landed heavy and told him curiosity might have killed the cat but it’d also cause an infection if he didn’t stop it. Dean wasn’t sure he cared and he let Garth know it by finding the bottom of three bottles as soon as the case was over.

It didn’t seem unusual for Dean but when Sam had to hitch a ride to Colorado and drive him back because Garth had left him four days before and he still wasn’t back yet he knew something was wrong.

However, Dean being Dean, he wouldn’t tell him, because saying it out loud would be like admitting that it was true and Dean would be damned to hell if he was going to do that.

>><< 

While Dean was absently on the job in Pasadena Cas had gone back to work and he was barely there for half an hour before there was a buzz on his intercom.

Cas pressed the button. “Yes, Becky?” he said, his eyes still on his paper as he lifted his finger.

“Sir,” he voice was hesitant and unsure, “Mr Shurley is here,” Cas’ head whipped up to the intercom, “and he uh- He’s asking if you’re free for a chat.”

Cas thought about it, no wonder she was hesitant, her b- No, _Cas_ ’ boss was asking her to ask Cas if he was free rather than just knocking and walking in, assuming Cas would make time for him. He was a genial and accommodating man but he was under no illusions that this was his business and his employees would make time for him because he was paying for that time. So, to have him ask like this was freaking Becky out. It freaked Cas out too, because he knew there could be only one reason for the behavior.

Cas pressed the button again. “Show him in,” he said and straightened his tie as he closed the file in front of him. The door opened and he looked up to see Becky open the door for her boss’ boss to enter.

“Mr Shurley, sir,” she announced, looking between them as Chuck took a step inside the door.

“Please, come in,” Cas said, standing up as Chuck took another step forward. “Thank you, Becky.” She nodded to her boss.

Chuck turned to look at her. “Thank you, Becky,” he said.

She smiled bashfully and lowered her head as she closed the door aware that her face was bright red but being more worried about the fact that the man at the very top of the office food chain now knew her name.

“Sir,” Cas said and put out his hand as Chuck approached and accepted it. They shook once and then parted. “Please, sit down.” He put his hand out, gesturing to one of the chairs.

“Thank you,” Chuck said and Cas waited for him to sit before he did.

“What can I do for you?” Cas asked.

Chuck smiled, leaning back in the seat to cross one leg over the other. “Castiel- May I call you Castiel?”

“Of course, Sir,” Cas said.

“Castiel,” Chuck repeated, “we both know why I’m here. I wanted to apologize for my sister’s behavior.”

Cas nodded. “It’s not your behavior to apologize for, Sir, and certainly not to me.”

Chuck chuckled as he spoke, “Well, she’s not going to apologize for it,” he said. “You thoroughly embarrassed her,” he put his hand out, “and rightly so! I had to drag her home.” He lowered his hand again.

Cas studied him. “Sir, you are aware that she came back?”

Chuck’s eyes darted to Cas’ and he lowered his leg as he sat forward. “She went back?” Cas nodded. “To-” He gestured to Cas. “To your home?”

“Yes,” Cas said. “She was under the impression that I would be at work, she was trying to get Dean alone again.”

Chuck looked down and swore under his breath before he looked up to Cas again. “Castiel, I’m sorry, I didn’t know.” His shoulders tensed together as he asked. “What- What happened?”

“I embarrassed her further,” Cas stated simply.

Chuck nodded. “And- And your ome- ?” Cas nodded. “Is he okay?”

“He’s fine,” Cas said. “However her presence messed up his heat and, hormone-wise, he’s paying the price.” Cas decided to assume that last piece of information considering how tired Dean was on the last day of his heat.

Chuck nodded as if that would be expected. “Dammit,” he said and looked to Cas again. “I’m really sorry, she always does this, she sees something she wants and she’ll do whatever it takes to get it.”

Cas narrowed his eyes. “You don’t think this is the last we’ve seen of her, do you?” he asked.

Chuck paused before he shook his head and let it hang as he concentrated on his hands which were wringing together. “Not unless she finds something more interesting in the meantime.”

Cas raised his eyebrows and then sighed.

“Or unless he’s bonded,” Chuck added and Cas looked to him. “She tends to give up then.” Cas looked to the desk again. “Is it serious?”

Cas looked to him. “Are you asking for yourself or for her?” he asked, not caring that this was his boss.

“No!” Chuck said. “I was just wondering but no, don’t answer, that’s not- No, never mind, I don’t care.” He swept his hand in the air. “I just wanted to apologize, what you do with your life is your business.” He stood up. “I just- I have a proposal for you anyway.”

“Oh?” Cas asked.

“You’ve heard of the Purgatory account?” Chuck asked.

“The soda company?” Cas asked and Chuck nodded. “Yes, isn’t that Zachariah’s account?”

“Nope,” Cas said and smiled. “I want you on it.”

Cas paused. “Sir, respectfully, I don’t want an account purely because of what happened.”

Chuck’s brow dipped. “I’m not bringing you onto it because of that.” He gestured. “Walk with me.”

Cas hesitantly stood and walked around the desk so they could head towards the door and passed Becky’s desk.

“Becky,” Chuck said stopping beside her as she typed, “I have a new account for Castiel here so do you want to come with us?” He gestured.

“Okay,” she said and looked to Cas who looked as confused as she did while she stood up. “Do I need anything?”

“Uh, bring something to write in and with, just in case,” Chuck said and began to walk away.

Cas lingered a few seconds, waiting for her. They had a silent conversation while Chuck wasn’t looking during which Becky asked what was going on with a raise of her eyebrows and Cas answered with a shrug of his shoulders but a close of his eyes that said he didn’t really know but he’d tell her what he did know when they were alone.

The trio walked down the corridor towards the elevators in silence and they waited in silence too until it arrived, they stepped in and Chuck pressed level twelve and the elevators moved.

“Zachariah’s wife has gone into labor so he’s on leave,” Cas nodded, remembering that she was pregnant, “so I need you two on this.” Chuck looked to Becky as he said it.

The doors opened and Chuck stepped out and turned right. Cas knew better than to let Becky step out first, it was pointless since he’d have to catch Chuck up and be briefed anyway so he followed Chuck who headed to the end of the corridor. Becky followed them, glancing at the offices around here. Most had glass doors like Castiel’s own but the door they were heading towards did not and she knew it was a meeting room, they all had solid doors on every floor to allow for confidentiality. It was her first week when one of the girls told her to bring a whistle or something with her because they’d had one instance of a secretary being touched up in such a room.

When Chuck hadn’t said anything as they walked Cas panicked, he didn’t want to go in there without any information, he’d had no time to prepare for the account.

“But why me?” he asked, still sure that this was because of what had happened and suspicious that he was being hushed up.

“Because we’re getting the handover from your previous employment,” Chuck said and opened the door.

Inside the room was a long table and on one side were three people – one man in the middle of two women – who did not look like they wanted to be there, probably because they were handing over an account they’d lost. On the other side of the table were two male members of the team that they were handing over to, the middle chair was free for Cas.

Cas stopped dead as the five looked at the pair. Cas’ eyes went straight to the man in the middle of the handover team.

“Guys this is Castiel Novak,” Chuck explained. “He’ll be taking Mr Fuller’s place on the team.”

It took a few seconds for everyone to realize that Cas was staring at the man but it only took a glance to him to realize he was staring right back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ellen uses the term 'AWI' and just in case you wondered it refers to the fugitve's charge: arson with intent to endanger life.
> 
> Thank you for all of your comments! I love getting them!


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